Sparks of Anger and Lust
by everlastingdaydreams
Summary: Edward Cullen is a bookworm; a complete and total sexy, nerd. So what will happen when Bella Swan a notorious party girl is his new roommate? Sparks will fly! Full summary inside.
1. Summary

Edward Cullen is a bookworm; a complete and total sexy, nerd. He'd rather spend a day inside studying for exams, or composing on his piano than at a party in his dorms. So what will happen when Bella Swan a notorious party girl is his new roommate? Gossip makes them resent eachother before they even meet. How will two completely different people react to being forced to live together indefinitely? Sparks will fly, but of anger? Or of lust?

_**I've seen many as Edward the party guy and Bella as the sweet, innocent girl who cures him of his evil ways, but the the opposite, has it ever been done? Probably :] , but here's my attempt. **_

_**F.Y.I. to those who care; I'm still writing Twilight Meetings, but I just got this idea and had to write it down :] I wrote Chapters 1+2 one after another. **_


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

**EPOV**

Today was going to unpleasant at least. The beginning of my sophomore year in college, normally it would be a welcome thing, a break from the chaos that is my family. But my last roommate, Jasper, had decided to room with my sister, his girlfriend. I sighed, what happened to bro's before hos? I had asked him. Not that my sister was a ho, but still, the meaning of the statement was the same. But he'd gone off on a spiel about how amazing she was and how in love he was with her.

So here I was, lying on my bed waiting for my new roommate. My roommate would have had most guys trade their lives for mine. Isabella Swan, Bella. The biggest, loudest, hottest partyier on campus. O.k. I admitted to myself, so I might be exaggerating a little bit, but in other words, she was the exact opposite of me. I'd never actually met or seen her, but I'd definitely heard many tales, and I believed almost all of them. I wondered briefly if it would be possible to stop her from having parties in our room.

College was what most kids grew up for. A school away from home, unlimited alcohol, unlimited sex, no supervision. Most college students drank their way through it. They could have just stayed home, hell, then they'd have more money for beer. But then, you've got the people like me.

I actually cared about school. I don't want to be a deadbeat like my real dad, I want to be like Carlisle, my adopted dad. I hate my biological family, I want to prove that I'm better than them, that I'm worthy of the last name Cullen. I don't drink, I don't party, I don't have series upon series of one night stands. I came to college to learn, and well, that's what I'm doing. It didn't help that I was going to BPA, Barney Pennsylvania Academy , one of the most prestigious schools available. That fact alone made me wonder how Bella managed to get through the front doors even, but I guess money did grease the wheels everywhere.

I sighed, pushing away my history book and decided to go to the store, it was a ways away, across campus and buy some caffeine. As much as most drank beer, I drank energy drinks. Admittedly, not much healthier but at least I wouldn't do something majorly fucked-up that I would regret. Grimacing at the rain I could hear beating against the ceiling, I resolved to grab my jacket and walk there. I had a car, but I didn't use it very often, even in the rain.

I was down the stairs and out the door within ten minutes, if Bella got to the dorm before I got back, well, I shrugged, she had a key. It'd probably be best if I tried to stay out of her way. It was obvious we weren't going to be friends but maybe if I was friendly and didn't bother her, I could convince her to keep her habit out of our room as much as possible.

I had my hood on, to keep out the worst of the rain but my vision was slightly impaired by the sheets of rain. I could vaguely see someone a ways ahead. Weird, I'd figured that I would be the only person dumb enough to walk in the storm.

As I walked closer, it appeared to be a girl, with a few bags. Hell, she was wearing a tank-top, skirt and flats. Flats were better than high-heels but not by much, especially in this weather. The rain was freezing. I hurried up to her, to see if I could help.

"Hey,"I had to shout over the wind, "You need anything?"

Her head jerked up, she must not have noticed I was there. "I---I'm o.k." Her body trembled from the cold. I instantly yanked my jacket off, keeping the inside facing downwards to keep in from getting soaked completely and wrapped it around her. "Th---Thanks."

"Where are you taking this stuff?" I gestured to her bags.

"Dorm D," she was still shivering.

"Here, I'll help you, I live in that dorm, I can help you find whatever room you're looking for." I reached out and she hesitantly handed me two of the bags, holding onto the other two. I motioned for her to follow me and hurriedly walked towards my dorm. We reached it after a few minutes, I held open the door for her and we both went in, shivering despite the blast of warm air surrounding us.

I glanced up from wiping my feet on the rug, not that it would do much good, considering I was soaked and got my first look at her. Despite the wet hair, lack of make-up, which I assumed had been washed away by the rain, she was breathtaking. I stared at her for a while, before I realized with a jolt that she was crying.

"Hey," I said softly, "You ok?" She nodded, without speaking, glancing away, blushing, obviously embarrassed by my seeing her like this. "What were you doing out in the rain with all of this stuff, anyways?" That question had bothered me, she hadn't been dressed for a walk in the rain and she'd had bags that she obviously couldn't carry by herself.

She poke unsteadily, "My boyfriend, ex-boyfriend," she corrected herself, "and I got in a fight while he was helping me move. He got pissed and kicked me out of the car." I felt a surge of anger. Carlisle and Esme, my adopted parents, had always taught me to be a gentleman, which basically meant I was a chauvinist in a way. I just tried to protect all women, didn't matter who, and the thought of some asshole kicking her out in the rain with her stuff pissed me off.

She must have seen the anger on my face, because she touched my arm and said, "It doesn't matter, he was a jerk anyway, I don't know why I put up with him." She gave a sad smile. "Thanks for the help though, I hadn't known how I was going to get all of this back here and it was freezing out."

I smiled at her, "Well, I'm here now, so I might as well help you bring this up to your room, what's your dorm number?"

"Uhm," she shoved her hand in her pocket and pulled out a sopping wet piece of paper, "Room one-eleven." She told me, glancing upwards, to see if I knew where it was. All I could do was stare at her, dumbly.

Choking past the shock I managed to say, "You're Bella Swan?" She nodded, obviously wondering what was wrong with me.

This shivering, crying, vulnerable girl was **the** Bella Swan?

**And the verdict is? Likey or no-likey? :] the BPA thing was something me and one of my friends did in BEST class a longtime ago and I remembered it as I had tried to think of a college. I decided to make one up instead of using a real college so I could decide the rules and stuff. Reviews are greatly appreciated! **


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

**BPOV**

"Damn it, Mike! I said no and I meant it!" I glared out the window, trying to stop the tears flooding my eyes. I hated this, I hated that everyone called me a slut. I wasn't, I refused to be. Even if not being one meant that I would lose my status, my friends. Because those things went hand in hand. If you had status, you had friends, if you lost the status, you lost the friends that came with it.

"Come on, baby, don't be such a prude, we've been going out for over two months now."

Two months, according to Mike, was the universal 'time-to-give-it-up.' Not that he'd wanted to wait for two months, hell, he'd wanted me to fuck him the day they'd met and I'd refused. The farthest he'd gotten with me was second base, and that was only because I hadn't been fast enough at pushing his hand away.

The freshman campus was quite a long ways away from the sophomore campus. I'd had to ask Mike to drive me and my stuff their because I didn't have a car. I hated cars, I'd never drive one. Now I was regretting not just walking, if it hadn't been raining I would have. I was wearing this stupid mini-skirt that I had to keep pulling down, because Mike has ordered me to get dressed for a party he was taking me to directly after unloading the car.

I glanced at Mike, he was getting angry, I could tell. Suddenly, he pretended to be understanding, again, I could tell that he was faking. "It's o.k., pussycat," I hated that nickname so much. "We don't have to go all the way, but," he pleaded with me to understand, "Just help me out a little bit." I glared at him, letting that answer his question before I turned to stare out the window at the rain.

Today was a shitty day altogether. Besides Mike being a jerk, it was raining and I was in a car. Those two things brought back horrible memories. Even ignoring those things, there was still the fact that I had to move in with Edward Cullen. That was just my luck. Everything that I'd heard about him said he was a genius bastard. From what I'd managed to drag from my friends, he was more of a jerk than Mike. So I was looking forward to a year of being made fun of for my trouble with math.

"I'm sorry for you, sweetie, I'd rather share a room with Angela! than with Edward Cullen. He's a complete asshole, totally. He's in my math class, and when I asked the professor a question, he totally called me an idiot." Jessica had told me. And for her saying that she'd rather stay with Angela, it was a lot. I didn't have any problems with Angela, I actually liked her, she was really sweet. But Jessica hated people who weren't rich, so bye-bye Angela. Knowing Jess, it _had _probably been something like, what is the decimal of ½, but I felt a pang at the knowledge.

Math was... my bad point. No, scratch that, my horrible point. I was completely shitty at it, and not from lack of trying. I just didn't understand it, I'd been ridiculed throughout all of high school because of it. I would have been valedictorian, if I hadn't almost failed Trig. "So pussycat," Mike's voice jerked me out of my thinking, "What you're saying is that you have no intention of sleeping with me now or in the near future?"

I closed my eyes, but I refused to lie, "Not really."

"Fine." The car jerked to a stop in the middle of the road. I yanked my gaze from the window to his face, he smiled at me. "I'll add a little incentive. Come on, pussycat, one blowjob and the car will start moving again."

I was pissed. "Is this how you get fucked? You blackmail a girl into giving you what you want? Go fuck yourself." I grabbed my bags, shoved open the door and got out. In an instant I was completely soaked to the skin and shivering, but there was no way I was getting back into that car.

"Stupid bitch," he sneered at me, and then drove away.

So here I was, standing in the middle of a cold rain, wearing a mini-skirt and a tanktop, with four bags that were really heavy. I started crying, my salty tears mixing in with the rain pelting my face. I fought against the flashback of the last time I remember standing in the rain. I refused to remember. I thought about other things, like how the hell was I going to get to Dorm D? I didn't even know where it was, nor was I able to lift all of those bags. I stared at them in dismay, so caught up in my misery that I didn't notice the guy who'd walked up beside me.

"Hey! You need anything?" I jumped, spinning toward him, I could barely hear him over the wind even though he had shouted.

"I---I'm o.k." Shit, my body trembled in the middle of it, making my words useless, from the memories as much as the cold. He quickly yanked off his jacket and put it around me, it was toasty warm, or at least it seemed like it to my freezing body. I opened my mouth to object, but realized that I really didn't want him to take it away, so all I did was thank him.

His hand waving toward my bags, he asked "Where are you taking this stuff?"

My brain finally started processing, maybe he could tell me how to get there. "Dorm D." My body was still trembling from the cold.

"Here, I'll help you, I live in that dorm, I can help you find whatever room you're looking for." He reached to take two of the bags and I hesitantly gave them to him. What was he going to do? Sprint away with my stuff? Not likely, those bags were heavy. And it wasn't like I could do this without help, I was definitely grateful. I was slightly cheered by the fact that he lived in Dorm D, also. Maybe I'd have a friend there, or maybe he could tell me about Cullen, just so I could stay on his good side, I didn't want to live with someone who hated me. He started off, I assumed towards the dorm and I followed him as fast as I could. Despite the jacket which went halfway down my thighs, almost the the bottom of my skirt, I was still freezing.

He unexpectedly held the door open for me. That shocked me, I couldn't remember if anyone had ever done that for me before. I quickly stepped inside, warm air enveloping me, so he could get through. I followed his lead and wiped my shoes of in front of the door.

"Hey, you O.K.?" he asked quietly. I nodded, still not looking up at him. I'd noticed that I was still crying, even though I wasn't thinking about it, part of me was still remembering, which was stupid. Mike was an asshole, I hated that he made me cry, even if it wasn't because of him. "What were you doing out in the rain with all of this stuff, anyways?" I got unusually angry at that question, even though it was the obvious question that anyone would ask. But I was embarrassed, what was I supposed to say? I wouldn't sleep with my boyfriend so he dumped me?

"My boyfriend, ex-boyfriend," it was definitely over between that asshole and me. "and I got in a fight while he was helping me move. He got pissed and kicked me out of the car." I glanced up then, finally taking in his face. His eyes were light brown, almost gold, and he had ebony, messy hair. He was completely gorgeous.

My eyes greedily took in his clearly defined muscles, which were currently tensed as though in anger. I brought my hand up instinctively, gently soothing him. "It doesn't matter, he was a jerk anyway, I don't know why I put up with him." That was true, I should have broken up with him when I realized what he was really like. I smiled at him. "Thanks for the help though, I hadn't known how I was going to get all of this back here and it was freezing out." Understatements of the year. I was insanely appreciative of his help, I hadn't had a clue what to do, and it had been hell out there. Standing in the rain terrified me.

He grinned at me, "Well, I'm here now, so I might as well help you bring this up to your room, what's your dorm number?" Oh shit, did I still have that paper? I dug into the pockets of my skirt quickly, relief going through me as I felt the wet piece of paper, luckily still legible. "Uhm, room one-eleven." I glanced up at him, getting ready to ask if he knew anything about my roommate, when I realized he was staring at me in shock.

His voice was strangled when he spoke, "You're Bella Swan?" I slowly nodded, confused, I knew I had a bad reputation but how did he know who I was by the room number unless....oh hell.

This hot, sweet guy was the Edward Cullen that everyone had told me about?

**Tell me what you think! **


	4. Chapter Three

**So I'm super pumped at the reviews that I got within a few hours of it being put up. Yeah, not technically that many, only 4 :P but it meant a lot to me! Thanks you guys! And to Adiva; I'll definitely try to start writing longer chapters, I have this tendency to end chapters really fast, I'll work on it. Enough talk! Here's chapter three! **

**Chapter Three**

**EPOV**

Sonofabitch. What the hell was going on? I stared in dismay at the girl in front of me. Her hair curling slightly as it dried, her face completely devoid of all traces of make-up, wearing a jacket that was way to big on her, her long legs endlessly coming out from under it. She looked like an innocent, vulnerable girl. Hell, nothing I'd seen tonight showed anything different...

Sure, the clothes she was wearing pointed towards the gossip I'd heard about her, but the fabled Bella Swan would never do something as "lame" as _crying. _I sorted through all I'd heard about her, the boyfriend she must have been talking about was Mike Newton. At least her description was right, he was an asshole, alright. Stupid fucker made her cry. I blinked, wary of the protective thoughts I was having. I mean, this was the "Slutty Swan" she could protect herself.

Dimly, I realized that I was just staring at her, but I noticed she was doing the same to me. Huh, I wonder what she'd heard about me. I knew what people said about me, I just didn't care enough to try and change their minds. Maybe she wasn't as bad as people said she was, I thought grimly. Her eyes were now closed and she had a pained expression on her face.

I forced a smile and laugh, "That's ironic, I'm Edward Cullen. Your new roommate."

She blinked as though I was interrupting whatever she'd been thinking, "Oh, um, yeah. " she gave a nervous laugh and looked around.

"Lets get your stuff to the room," I grabbed the bags I'd been carrying and walked up the stairs, not looking back to see if she followed, part of me wishing that she wouldn't.

But as I opened the door, she stepped in behind me. I glanced around, trying to see the room as she'd see it. In the main room there was a small couch facing a average sized T.V., a present to me from Esme when I'd started college. In the front corner, to the left of the door was a tiny kitchen, equipped with only the essentials, as in a fridge, toaster and stove-top. Farther past that on the left wall was an empty room with the door open, what would be Bella's room. Skipping past the couch again, on the right wall were two doors, one open, one shut. The open door displayed a small bathroom, the closed door contained my room.

It was....lived in. The dorm wasn't messy or anything but neither did it have the complete OCD tendencies that Alice's dorm had. I allowed myself to stop for a moment a feel a moment of pity for my best friend, I loved my sister, really I did... but the girl color coordinated her clothes on the hangers. White clothes went on the left and slowly the colors changed until they reached black on the complete opposite end of the closet. And in subcategories, after color coding, they were sorted by the season that they could be worn in. Next category was the style of clothing; formal, casual, sweats, etc.

I grinned thinking of Jasper's face when she forced him to do the exact same with his clothes as I knew she would. Bastard deserved it, I decided happily. My grin faded as I glance towards Bella, her face uncertain as she stared at her shoes, scuffing them against the carpet as though unsure of my welcome. "Your room's there," I said gruffly, jerking my head towards it. "Bathrooms that door," I pointed, "and the rest is pretty obvious." I carried her bags over to her room, dropping them near the small dresser that the college supplied.

It was pretty pathetic, I admitted as I looked in the room. A tiny bed, a dresser with three drawers, a tiny desk in the corner. I felt her come up behind me cautiously, taking in her room. I looked back and saw her drop her bags near where I had and then wrap her arms around herself. I was unprepared for the sudden overwhelming urge to hug her, protect her. I had to force my arms by my sides, and my anger at myself lashed towards her as I pushed past and out of her room. "That door," I pointed, glaring at her, "is my room. Leave it the hell alone and I'll leave yours alone." I watched her flinch and quickly nod, backing away from me.

Remorse surged through me, damn it, why was I acting like an asshole? She hadn't done anything to me besides shocking the hell out of me, by being the opposite of what I expected her to be. I was so confused by the conflicting emotions flooding me. This was the legendary playgirl, I shouldn't feel like I needed to protect her. She brought everything down upon herself. I turned away, stalking towards the fridge and yanking it open. The result caused me to curse savagely, sonofafuckingbitch! I'd never gotten to the store, which meant I was still out of energy drinks. I threw a hard glare in her direction before going to my room and slamming the door.

BPOV

I was staring. I couldn't help it. This guy had been nothing but sweet to me, helping me carry my belongings in the rain, getting angry over what Mike had done to me. Then I noticed he was staring at me the same way I was staring at him, and I felt a pang of regret. He went to BPA, which means he'd probably heard about my reputation, completely undeserved, and thought bad of me for it. It hurt, why didn't anyone know ME? Sure, I drank, a lot honestly, but I didn't do anything to deserve the nickname "Slutty Swan."

I could feel a headache coming on, a bad one, bordering on migraine territory. I closed my eyes, I'd started having migraines at the age of 14, around the same time I'd started screaming at thunder and hyperventilating in a car. The latter two I'd gotten better over, but nothing helped the migraines. They were what caused my inability to do math.

I heard a scuffle and opened my eyes jerked open. He smiled, but it looked like he was under torture. "That's ironic, I'm Edward Cullen. Your new roommate."

"Oh, um, yeah." Right, way to sound intelligent Bella! Why was I so fucking stupid? My head was pounding now, and the glare of the lights were starting to drill into my skull. I gave a soft laugh, hoping he'd get the message and lead me to the room where I could hid in my room and keep the lights off.

He shook his head, jerking himself out of whatever thought he'd had. "Let's get your stuff to the room." He grabbed my stuff and walked to the stairs quickly. Probably in a last ditch attempt to escape me, I thought bitterly. I wanted to run, leave this dorm, leave this town. I was honestly contemplating it when I heard the clash of a thunderclap and saw the flash of lightening through the glass window. I hurried after him, battling to put on foot in front of the other, my head pounding blurring my vision.

I stumbled along after him, blindly. Even the soft sound of his feet against the carpet sounded like hammers against my skull. He finally stopped and opened a door. I looked briefly around, taking in the surroundings quickly while praying he would just let me go shut myself in my room and bawl my eyes out from the pain.

Your room's there," he said, his voice angry, "Bathrooms that door," he pointed, "and the rest is pretty obvious." Normally, his obvious dislike of me would have hurt me, but I was to relieved that he didn't feel the need to give me a tour. I followed him like a puppy to one of the open doors, where I set my stuff down.

He stepped out of my room and then turned toward me, "That door," he said pointing to the only closed door, "is my room. Leave it the hell alone and I'll leave yours alone." The loudness of his voice was excruciating. I stepped back, trying to escape the pain. He didn't say anything, just stomped out of my room. Softly, shutting the door, I curled up in my small bed, hugging my knees to my chest, rocking gently, wishing for home.

I heard him swearing loudly and then something slamming. Apparently he was just as violent as everyone told me. Tears leaked out of my eyes, what had happened to the sweet guy who lent me his jacket? I looked down, and dimly realized that I was still wearing it, along with my wet party clothes. I couldn't bring myself to care.

The pain in my head amplified, I could barely breath, let alone think. I let go and drifted off into a oblivion of agony.

_***_

_The rain created a sheet, obscuring our vision with blackness. Almost on a timer, every five seconds a flash of lighting would blind us. Black to white, black to white. The thunder deafened us from the change of quiet music in the background. My mom had turned the radio down low, to concentrate. I heard my mom swear, and I looked at her, smiling about to repeat her words about the sin of swearing back to her. _

_As I turned my head, I noticed it. I could see a black SUV in the middle of the road, not on its side of the road, coming towards us. My mom desperately jerked the wheel, trying to get out of the SUV's way as it spun out of control. The slick roads worked against us, and the wheels were pulled inward. I stared, terrified, "Oh god please no," my mom repeated over and over._

_There was a crunch on metal on metal and then pain, unbelievable pain. I cried out, searching desperately for my mom. I met her eyes, heard her whisper, "I love you, Bella. Tell Charlie I love him." I repeated it back to her, sobbing begging her, telling her it was going to be O.K., she was going to live. There was so much blood. It covered everything, my moms broken body, the window, even me. _

_My own pain was forgotten, my body unfeeling, separating me. The pain I had felt was nothing compared to losing my mom. To staring into her lifeless eyes. To seeing her bloody face and hearing her tell me her love. _

_Immobile, I stared at my moms bloody broken face, unable to look away, unable to save her. Time was meaningless. I ran through my lifespan many times over just pleading with my mother's broken, crumpled body. All I could feel was pain, not even physical pain. My body was numb, I felt as if I was separated from it, looking down. The constant drumming of rain drowned out the sound of sirens. I heard screaming. Her blue eyes a startling contrast to the black seats that were soaked with blood, she lay unmoving. I refused to believe she was dead. This was my mom, she would always be there. Forever....._

_***_

I woke with tears pouring silently down my face. A ghost pain racked my abdomen and I clutched the scar that lie there. Whimpering, I rocked myself softly, frantically singing the lullaby my mom had always sung to me when I was little. She'd continued to sing it to me until I was 14, even though I pretended not to like it. Pretended that I was too old for a silly lullaby, but I had always waited up to hear her sing it to me.

With my body aching from head to heart to feet, I lay trembling, whispering out the words that etched themselves on my brain, words that haunted me, the words that had saved me. In moments of utter despair, those words were the only thing that had given me hope.

Most people would say that I was lucky that day. I had lived, even with the side effects of the migraines and fears that immobilized me. Told me to be grateful, even with things that would scar my mind and body for life. But the question I asked, was why was I supposed to be thankful? Death was painless, it was life that hurt like hell.

**Now you know why Bella is afraid of rain and cars. I probably won't always do everything with a POV from both of them but for now it seems easier to do it like this to introduce the characters. **


	5. Chapter Four

**So, I have to say that I'm really excited by the reviews and alerts I'm getting. Maybe it's not as much as some stories, but they make my day, and give me the motivation to write. :] **

**Enter Jacob Black; right stage and prepare to be pounded.**

Chapter Four

BPOV

The next morning my headache had almost completely receded. I started to stand up, my body stiff and aching from the clothes I had been wearing and the position I had fallen asleep in. I glanced in the small mirror leaning on top of the dresser and grimaced. My hair looked like a haystack, I should have known better than to fall asleep with it wet, but it hadn't been something I'd thought about last night.

I glanced downward; my crumpled clothes were now mostly dried. Edward's jacket was completely rumpled and crusty. Shit, he'd probably get pissed off because of that. I quickly looked at the clock, I usually woke up early after my migraines and that hadn't changed. It was six in the morning. If I was fast enough, I might be able to run down to the laundry room and wash his jacket before he woke up. If I hurried.

Grabbing his jacket, my clothes from last night and my bag of dirty clothes I quietly snuck out of my room and into the bathroom. I yanked my hair up into a ponytail on top of my head, quickly changed my clothes and threw water on my face, before hurrying out of the dorm. Once I was in the lobby, the rain thankfully over, I realized that I had no goddamn idea where the laundry room was. SHIT! Could this get any worse?

I stared around me, desperately, fuckfuckfuck! I could feel angry tears burning behind my eyes and the familiar tightening around my skull signaling the beginning of massive amounts of pain. Many things could cause my migraines, stress was a major trigger. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. Familiar self-hatred battered me. I couldn't do anything right, could I? I couldn't even make a good impression with my roommate.

Miserably, I stared out the window, wondering if it was worth it to wander around searching for it. But with my luck, Edward would assume I'd stolen his jacket or something. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I spun quickly, my self-defense training kicking in automatically. My hand shot backwards, punching my assailant in the stomach, my foot kicking his shin.

I spun, trying to glimpse his face. I spotted an Native American boy, with a long pony-tail, bent at the stomach, groaning. He was wearing a BPA campus shirt. Oh shit, he was a college student. "Oh god," My hand flew up to cover my mouth, "I'm so sorry." Second day of my second year and I assault someone, perfect. "Are you O.K.?"

He was still bent over but now it sounded like his groaning had turned into laughter. He straightened, his eyes dancing with mirth. "Nice to meet you, too." He stuck out his hand, attempting a serious expression.

I opened my mouth, unsure of what to do. "I'm…"

"Sorry, I got that, it's O.K., I'll never walk straight again but…" he busted out laughing at the look of horror on my face. Wiping tears out of his eyes, he said, "You beat the shit out of me, are horrified by it later, then you are completely gullible, no offense. You're obviously someone I want to get to know better…"

"Uh, Bella. Bella Swan." I studied his face, searching for the change in expression that crossed guys' faces when they realized they were in the presence of "Slutty Swan." But… nothing happened, his face remained the same.

"Nice to meet you, my beautiful assailant, I'm Jacob Black." I blushed, a cursed gene I'd inherited from my grandma, it had skipped my mom and passed down to me. His smile got wider as he took in the redness of my cheeks. "So is there any reason a beautiful girl such as yourself is standing staring out the window looking like her best friend died?"

I stared at him, forcing myself to cry, a skill I'd learned in the acting class my mom had wanted me to take when I was younger. "My best friend, Angela died this morning."

The look on his face was priceless. It took everything I had to not burst out laughing at his horrified expression. "I'm so sorry, I was joking," he trailed off, obviously unsure of what to say to make everything alright. I couldn't help it, I snickered, and then burst out laughing. He stared at me, completely confused.

I raised my eyebrow at him, happier than I had been in days. "It was a joke," I said slowly, just to make sure he understood. He grinned at me.

"Damn, that was good. I was bested, I'll admit it. So, back to my original question, what can I do for you?"

"I'm actually looking for the laundry room," I held up my bag as proof.

"Come on, I'll show you were it is." He led me outside and past two buildings to the right. We entered a smaller building that was completely empty. Washers and dryers lined the walls, in the corner, next to the office door was one of those coin things. You put in a dollar and got a small amount of detergent or fabric softener or whatever you needed. "And, here we are." I smiled, "What dorm are you in, Jacob?"

"Jake," he corrected, "And Dorm C, I was in D visiting my cousin Leah who goes to school here."

"Sweet, well, maybe I'll see you around sometime." I honestly hoped I would. I liked him. He was funny, sweet and didn't take too much offense at getting punched in the stomach, which was rock-hard, now that I mention it.

His smile was a mixture of sweet and predatory. He reminded me of a wolf, stalking its prey. Normally, it would probably creep me out, but for some reason he didn't. "I'd like that." He waved and walked out of the laundry room. Remembering why I was here, I jerked my gaze away from his butt and studied the washers. Throwing my clothes in the one that looked least likely to break down, I threw my clothes in, along with Edward's jacket.

I paced impatiently, praying that he wouldn't wake up. I mean, come on, what college kid, besides me, wakes up before 12 when there aren't any classes? And classes didn't start for another week, so there is no chance he'd wake up, right? Despite all of my pep-talking, I still didn't believe it. My Jacob-induced calm was fading and I was starting to panic again.

It took almost two hours for both washing and drying to finish. Two hours was plenty of time for me to develop a raging headache and massive paranoia. By the time everything was done, I was forcing back tears from the pain and whispering under my breath "Please didn't wake up yet, please." I was also cursing my bad luck. Normally, the migraines only happened, maybe once a week. Sometimes more often if I had math homework that took longer than a night. But two days in a row, before classes even started? I blamed it on Cullen.

Yippee, at least, last year with Jessica as a roommate, she helped me through math and the headaches that came afterword. But while rooming with Cullen I was looking forward to sneaking around to do my homework.

I hurried back to the dorm, running, almost sprinting, trying to get back before he awoke. My watch said it was almost 9. Apparently I'd wasted more time with Jake than I'd realized. I reached the door, screeching to a halt, before opening the door as quietly as possible. With my back to the room, I kept my hand on the door, trying to ease it into the slot without a bang. As I turned around, I almost screamed. I managed to control the impulse, but I did drop my bag of clean clothes, which spilled all over the ground. In my haste, I had forgotten to zip it closed. Edward stood there glaring at me.

"Where the fuck were you? I was going to go to the store and then I realized someone had stolen my jacket." His golden eyes flamed, almost burning me. The stress, all at once, slammed into me. Waking up in what I'd worn in the rain, the self-hatred in the lobby of our dorm, the anxious pacing in the laundry room, and finally the sprint back to our dorm only to have him yell at me. I couldn't help it, I burst into tears. The pain in my head exploded.

"Fuck you," I sobbed, "I was washing your fucking jacket since I got it wet yesterday. _I'm sorry_ if you were late going to the fucking store. I was trying to be goddamn nice. Fine, I won't ever try again." Embarrassed, hurting and sick of everything, I threw his jacket at him and ran towards my room, escaping him.

"Bella…" I heard my name as I slammed the door. I regretted my childish impulse almost immediately as the pain ricocheted in my head. I curled up in the fetal position, trying to stop crying.

**EPOV**

I stared at the jacket in my hand and winced as her door slammed shut. I was an asshole, no question. I could have worn another jacket but I wanted to pick a fight. Carlisle had just called and told me that my dad was back. My biological father, that is, and he wanted more money. My hand fisted. He'd given me up, he had no right to go to Carlisle.

My anger deflated as I thought of the girl in the next room. I hadn't expected her to cry. She was constantly surprising me. I knew that I was being a jerk; there had been no reason to yell at her. Shit, she had been trying to do something nice for me and I made her pay for it. I needed to apologize. I stared at the door, gathering my resolve before walking towards it.

**And I want to just give a special shout out to teambellaedward and mspacman1 for their reviews. You guys rock! :] **


	6. Chapter Five

**I'm waiting for my friends to come and pick me up, so I might as well start this chapter. And my picture does not like changing on my profile. It took like an hour and then it was completely black for some reason. I'm neglecting Twilight Meetings writing this, but this keeps pouring out of me, so…. Lol. **

**Chapter Five**

**EPOV**

I stood in front of her door, my hand raised, preparing myself to knock and apologize. I was a jerk, no doubt about it. The first step was admitting it to myself, the second was admitting it to her and the third was to say sorry. Why couldn't things be as easy as they sounded in my head? Mentally prepared, or as prepared as I was going to get, I went to knock and…someone knocked before me.

Jerking away from her door, I stared at the front door not knowing whether to be relieved or upset that someone stopped me from talking to Bella. But regardless of how I felt, there was someone at the door, knocking so insistently that I knew it had to be my sister. Sighing, I opened it and a short, brown haired pixie leapt into the room, followed by a lanky, brown haired boy. He grinned, sheepishly at me, "I tried to stop her, but I couldn't."

Before I could ask him what he meant, Alice spun towards me. "Well?" she said, her hands on her hips, a perfect imitation of Esme whenever I'd done something wrong and she wanted an explanation. Usually though, with Esme I'd known what she was talking about, but with Alice? Never, she was as unpredictable as a bouncy ball.

"Well what?" I demanded, her posture putting me on the defensive automatically.

She looked at me like I was obtuse, "Where is she?"

Though I had an idea about who the "she" Alice was talking about was, I pretended ignorance, hoping for a reprieve. "She? Who?"

Scowling at me, she spoke, "Bella. Isabella Swan? You know, your new roommate? Hello?"

I couldn't pretend any longer, "Oh, her. She's in her room."

Alice stared at me, "She moved in yesterday! You couldn't find even one thing to talk about that didn't end up with her hiding in her room?"

I resented that a lot, it wasn't my fault that most people were intimidated by me. It wasn't even my ego talking, it was just truth. I've had people come out and tell me that I was too smart for them to hang out with me. Sometimes intelligence was a curse. It made you a social outcast. I couldn't lie to myself and say that it wasn't my fault Bella felt the need to hide, though. I'd been unfair to her because I'd been in a bad mood. I sighed, "I didn't tell her to stay there, she decided to."

But Alice knew me too well, "You just helped her make that decision, huh?"

Sick of myself because of the conversation, I turned to Jasper, ignoring Alice, "So, she driving you crazy yet?"

He smiled, completely lovestruck, I was strangely jealous of them, even though I didn't really believe in everlasting love. I wanted someone to hurt with, I wanted someone to laugh with, I wanted someone to always be there for me, I wanted to always be there for someone. I was….cynical, but wanted desperately to not be. "She could never drive me crazy," then he grinned at me, "At least she doesn't stay up until 3 in the morning playing piano."

I rolled my eyes, about to talk about his snoring which drowned out my piano on most nights, when Alice skipped over to Bella's door and did what I hadn't had the courage to do, she knocked. A few seconds later, the door opened and Bella's head peeked out. She looked…sick. Her face was completely pale, like a ghost, her eyes were red. I felt a pang, this was my doing. I'd made this beautiful girl hurt like this.

Alice's eyes went wide. "Are you O.K? " I could tell by the way she glared at me, when her eyes met mine, that she was thinking the same thing I was. I was an asshole.

Bella's voice was soft, hoarse, "I'm fine, just a headache. I was lying down for a while."

Alice looked sympathetic, "I'm sorry, do you need anything?"

Poor Bella, she was obviously confused. First she moves in with a bastard, and then some random girl knocks on her bedroom door and starts talking to her. I decided to help her, "This is my sister, Alice and her boyfriend, Jasper."

Bella smiled faintly at them, "Hey, nice to meet you." Her eyes darted around, like she was searching for an escape. Alice seemed to notice this, too.

"Well, I was hoping we could talk, but since you don't feel good, I'll come back some other day," Alice smiled brightly, "See you around. Don't let Edward push you around to much."

"Uhm."

"Bye!" With that, she spun around, grabbed Jasper's hand and yanked him out of the room. Bella looked shell-shocked, that was most peoples reaction to Alice.

"I'm sorry about that. Alice is very…" I searched for the right word, "excitable. She wanted to meet you."

"Um, that's fine." Biting her lip and blushing, Bella slowly started closing the door.

"Wait!" I took a step forward, reaching for the door to stop her. Her eyes jerked up and met mine. Her chocolate eyes were bloodshot from crying and my stomach clenched as I saw them. I lowered my voice, "I'm sorry. For overreacting this morning and yelling at you. I'd gotten bad news and was angry, but I had no right to take it out on you. Will you forgive me?"

She looked at me, uncertainly, as though unsure if I was making fun of her or not, "Yeah, it's o.k."

I smiled at her, relived, "You should go get some rest, it'll help your headache."

She gave me a hesitant smile, "I will, thank you." As she closed her door, I walked slowly to my room and sat at my piano. I ran my hand over the keys, the melody already playing itself in my head and I just needed to match it. An image of Bella floated in my mind. No girl had ever affected me this much before. I gingerly pressed one finger to a key.

**BPOV**

I could hear his piano. While hiding in my room, I'd heard the other guy, Jasper mention it and I'd assumed that it was just a hobby but... he was amazing. I wondered if he wrote it. He kept stopping and then restarting, slightly changing a note or two. The music seemed to soothe my headache, the harmony flowing gently around me. I closed my eyes and rested back against the headboard, drinking in the notes.

I don't know how long I sat like that, a peaceful smile on my face, my headache forgotten. The music in my ears, I stood up and walked out of my bedroom for a glass of water. Filling up one of the glasses I'd gotten, I stood in front of the sink, the calm surrounding me even more than it had with Jacob. How could something this peaceful come from someone with such a violent temper?

He had apologized though. I hadn't expected that. He was so contradicting. From his reaction to Mike ditching me, his anger when we reached the room, his anger in the morning, and then his apology, I didn't understand him. His anger matched what I'd heard about him, but the first and last things made me believe that there was more to him than people saw.

I jumped when I heard a door open. I'd been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed the music had stopped. He walked slowly towards me, "I'm sorry, I'm just..." mumbling, I grabbed my water and headed towards my room.

"Hey, you don't have to hide out in your room, it's your dorm, too." He smiled at me. "You can use any of that stuff," he gestured towards the livingroom corner of the main room, "I moved in a week early, so I've got most of the essentials."

I gave him a small smile, "Thanks."

He scrubbed his hand across his face before running it through his hair. "Can I speak plainly?" I nodded, unsure of what he would say. "I've heard the gossip, the rumors," I opened my mouth to contradict him, to explain that they weren't all true, but he held up his hand "I know better than to believe everything I hear, but I also know better than to discount everything. All I ask, is that you keep the partying and... things,"with a flash of resentment, I acknowledged what he meant by "things", "away from our dorm. Is that agreeable enough?"

I didn't want to argue, I had this stupid urge to go and bawl my eyes out. Why did his opinion of me matter so goddamn much? I was going to be living with him for a year, I tried to rationalize, I didn't want problems. "Yeah," I said stiffly, turning so he wouldn't see the moisture gathering in my eyes, I opened the door, desperate for escape. "I'm going out," without waiting for him to answer, I fled. As the door swung shut behind me,. I heard, "Bella, I'm sor...,"the door closed.

**EPOV**

My apology faded away as the door slammed. I stared uncertainly at it, wondering what I'd done wrong. O.K. I admitted, I wasn't the most tactful person ever, but it was a legit concern.... wasn't it? She'd looked like I'd stabbed her in the back. Was the gossip wrong? No, I consoled myself, I hadn't done anything wrong. There was no way that, that many people were wrong about her. Exaggerated maybe, but completely false? Unlikely.

So why did I feel like a complete heel? All I could see was her pale face with red rimmed eyes, peering at the door timidly towards me. Headaches were a bitch, I knew from experience, but enough to make her cry? It probably wasn't my fault she'd been crying, why should she care what I think? A little voice whispered, for the same reason that you care about what she thinks. I shut that voice up quickly though. It hadn't been my fault, I was sure of that.

Shit, not only was I a heel, I had now descended to lying to myself. Sighing, I walked slowly back into my room and flipped my CD player on. Debussy filled the air. I settled down with my Greek mythology book and started to read.

I sat up groggily a few hours later. I must have drifted off. Scrubbing my hand over my face, trying to wake up I reached for the Bawls Energy drink that I'd left by my bed. I wondered if Bella came back yet, as I stood up on sleep-weak legs, stretching. Draining the last of my drink, I walked into the kitchen for a new one. Glancing over, I noticed the T.V. was on, the volume off and showing the news. Huh, Bella must have been watching it. It lifted my spirits slightly to know that she'd come out of hiding.

I had to walk by her door to shut off the T.V. and as I neared it, I froze. AT first I believed that I was mishearing whatever it was. But pressing my ear against the door, I heard it. Bella's soft sobs. My heart clenched, and it physically hurt to breath in. I slowly raised my hand to knock but didn't. What right did I have to comfort her? Fuck it. I threw open the door, screw knocking.

Bella was lying on the bed, the blankets strewn around her, tears pouring down her cheeks. She lay on her side, facing the door, her eyes clothes, her body curled up onto itself. "Bella," I said softly, worriedly. She didn't reply. Is she even awake? I wondered. I reached out and gently touched her cheek with my fingers. She jerked and flung herself out of the bed with a scream.

"Mom!" The scream was ripped out of her.

I backed away slowly; my hands rose in the universal "no harm" sign. "Bella?" Her eyes were wide, tortured. She began to become aware, and as she saw me, her face crumpled before her body hit the ground. I jumped forward and managed to grab her before she hurt herself. "Bella?" What the fuck was going on? What was wrong with her?

"Mom," she whispered, whimpering. I cuddled her body against my chest, and stood, carrying her to the bed and sitting down with her. She just cried into my chest, broken, helpless. I needed to make things right, but I didn't know how.

**Why Greek Mythology? I have no idea, but I want to make the characters my own in a way, so they'll have their own little quirks even though Stephanie Meyer owns them. **

**I only have internet on Wednesdays and some weekends, so I'll try to get at least a chapter up everytime I have internet, and hopefully more than one. Exam week is coming up though, so it might be a while before the next chapter is posted, it depends.**


	7. Chapter Six

**Gracias for the reviews, I get a kick out of reading all of them. :] This is mostly about getting to know Bella a little bit more. **

**Chapter Six**

**BPOV**

I don't remember my blankets being this hard. But, I thought dreamily, the warmth was worth the hardness, I snuggled in deeper. Frowning, I noticed that it was also more constricting than usual. It was hard to move, only direction to go was inward. So I went the only way I could, and mmmm, it smelled amazing. I smiled sleepily.

A while later, a shaft of sunlight hit my face, I unhappily tried to scoot upward. The blanket tightened around me. What the hell? Unwillingly, I opened my eyes and bit back a scream. Edward Cullen's face was inches from mine, his sweet breath blowing on my face. My eyes were wide, what was going on?

Dimly, I recalled waking up from a nightmare and seeing Edward standing in front of me. I grimaced in horror as I remember breaking down and sobbing in his arms, everything after that was a blur. I slowly tried to disengage myself from his arms, but they tightened around me again. He groaned as I tried to pull away, and buried his face in my hair.

Shit. How was I going to get out without waking him up. I instantly recoiled from waking him up, it would be way too awkward. But if I could slip out while he was still asleep.... No chance, I thought, his arms like vises around me. Damn it, I would have to wake him up if I wanted to move. It was too confusing to lie in his arms. He smelled amazing and I felt too....protected with him holding me. Safety was the last thing I should feel around Edward Cullen.

I studied his face, his eyelashes sending shadows down his cheeks, his perfectly chiseled lips curved slightly upward. Looks, I admitted, were something he was not lacking on. I could feel the muscles in his arms that were gripping me. His legs pressed up against mine, one slightly situated between my thighs. I slowly pulled my legs back, the only part of me that had any movement. Double fuck, I had to wake him up.

"Edward," I said his name softly, part of me hoping he wouldn't wake up, because I didn't want things to be even weirder between us. I sighed when he didn't open his eyes or react any way other than pulling me closer. A strange side of me wanted to curl up in his arms, fall back asleep, dreamless without nightmares. I hastily ignored that part and spoke his name louder. "Edward!"

He groaned, his eyes slowly opening. I gasp when I saw his eyes. I'd never been very good at reading people. But the look in his eyes… I saw lust. The golden depths were swirling with it. My breath caught and I quickly shoved all emotion away. "Let me up!" It came out more panicked than I'd meant it to. Awareness dawned upon him and he slowly pulled his body back.

"Are you O.K.?"

I fought back my panic and pretended to be oblivious, "I'm great!"

He frowned at me, obviously not appreciating my Tony the tiger impression. "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to..just know…" he broke off looking frustrated, "I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything."

It was hard to keep a blank face, and not betray how much that offer meant to me. I jerkily nodded, and he slowly got out of the bed. I sat up and watched as he walked out and closed the door behind him. The emotion exploding out of me, but not in a bad way, I fell back against my pillows and rolled. The pillow smelled like him.

I was deranged. I was lying here, sniffing the pillow of a guy who would hate me once he got to know me. If he ever got to know me. I wondered about what I'd believe that I'd seen in his eyes… but… no, it couldn't have been about me. He'd just woken up; he hadn't been reacting to holding me. I blushed, burying my face even deeper into the pillow.

Next time I saw him was going to be embarrassing as hell. 1) I knew what he'd been dreaming about even if he didn't remember. 2)I'd literally bawled my eyes out in his arms. I hated being weak in front of people. Honestly, now that I thought about it, Edward was only the third person to see me cry since I was 14, since the accident. I'd broken down in front of Charlie a few months after it had happened, he was the first.

Then once with Jessica. We'd been going to the mall, it had been raining, but she'd pleaded with me to go. Pulling into the lot, she'd driven in front of someone and the other car had come within inches of hitting us. In the parking lot, Jessica had stopped to find me hyperventilating on the floor of the car. It had been a turning point in our friendship; I'd broken down and told her everything.

She'd been surprisingly sincere that day. After I'd poured out my story, she'd told me about her mom's bipolar issues, her dad's drinking and workaholic problems. All of this occurred in the malls parking lot. It was now a tradition for us to drive to the mall and hang out the first Sunday of August, National Friendship Day.

Jess hadn't been what I'd expected. She played the stupid, rich girl act well… but with me, she was real. She wasn't an air-head, though she did say 'like' a bit too much. She was intelligent, pretty and the best friend I could ask for. It was surprisingly easy to open up to her. I knew that she' d never tell anyone what I'd told her in confidence.

After the wreck I'd been broken, literally and figuratively. I gently ran my fingers along my scar, thinking without remembering. I'd gone through surgery after surgery, they could fix my broken bones and internal bleeding, but they could never fix the bleeding that happened deeper in me. I had faded away, sleepwalking through life, nothing had been real anymore. Besides the nightmares that had woken me up night after night, screaming, drenching in sweat.

I hadn't cried or talked about it, the pain too deep to comprehend. I'd been sent to therapist after therapist, but most of my sessions had resulted in me just staring blankly at them for hours without talking. And then everything had gotten worse. My therapist at the time, my fifth I believe, had prescribed me anti-depressants. What was scarier than feeling pain was feeling nothing at all. It had taken away everything, I couldn't feel the love for my mom, I couldn't feel the pain at losing her. That had led to my demise.

I jerked myself up, enough self-pity, I decided. I was going to take control. Pushing myself off the bed, I pulled on jeans and a hoodie, brushed my hair, and studied myself quizzically in the mirror. It would have to do, I didn't want to look too dressed up.

I was about to do what could possibly be the hardest thing I'd ever done. Harder than pulling myself out of the black abyss that I had fallen into. I was going to befriend Edward Cullen.

**Sorry it's so short, just wanted to post before I pass out from lack of caffiene. I should have Chapter 7 up this weekend too. **


	8. Chapter Seven

**Exams are next week, so I might not update for a while.**

Chapter Seven

EPOV

Waking up with Bella in my arms had been a very unusual experience. And that was understating it. I refused to let myself think about my waking reaction. "Slutty Swan", I thought to myself on purpose, to remind me who she was. She wasn't someone I needed to be attracted to.

But damn it, she'd been crying in her sleep. It hadn't been some female ploy for attention, it had been pain. _"Mom," she had whispered, whimpering. _What had happened to her mom? What haunted this beautiful girl? Could it be the reason she drank? I shook my head, I should just forget about it. Hell, I wasn't even sure if the rumors were true. My need to understand everything around me stopped at Isabella Swan. At least it should, and I was going to make it stop.

What I needed to do was find some way to live in harmony with my mysterious roommate. I needed to make some gesture that was an olive branch, to ask forgiveness for my illogical anger at her, though I'd already apologized. We just needed to be able to live together without getting in each others paths. There had to be someway to do that. I needed to concentrate on my college degree, not the illusive girl in the next room.

I was so distracted that I didn't even hear her door open. "Edward?" I jerked upwards from my spot on the couch, watching some Jackie Chan movie.

"What?" She was wearing tight jeans and a BPA hoodie, her hair thrown up in a messy ponytail. The look on her face was…determined, I thought. But with her, you never know. I was good at reading people, but Bella always seemed to do the opposite of what I expected.

She gave me a hesitant smile, "Can I speak plainly?" I gave a small smile at her choice of words and nodded. "We've started off badly. We've both, I'm assuming, believed rumors we've heard that aren't completely true about one another, and put some basis of fact into them. I don't want to spend my sophomore year fighting with my roommate. If you want me to just keep out of your way, I will, but I hope that we can at least be friends." She took a deep breath after her tirade, looking at me for input.

I was almost speechless, she was the one offering the olive branch. All thoughts of why I shouldn't be friends with her fled. "I'd like that." After debating with myself for a few short moments, I decided to also make an effort. "Want to watch it with me?" I nodded my head to the TV, "It's pretty corny but it's funny." I shrugged, struggling to remain nonchalant, forcing myself to look at the TV and not stare at her.

I heard her before I felt her slowly settle onto the couch. After a few moments, she sat back and laughed, "The Young Master! This is one of my favorite movies!" I relaxed, glancing over at her. She had a smile on her face and her eyes were shining. An unwilling smile came to my face. There was something about seeing her happy that got to me. Maybe because all I'd done so far was hurt her, it was nice to do the opposite for a change.

The movie went by smoothly. We laughed together, for once, we relaxed around each other. It was…nice. The credits finally started rolling down the screen when she turned to me. "So that girl earlier, Alice? She was your sister?"

To at ease to tense up at the conversation, I nodded, "Yep, she's Alice. Jasper Hale is her boyfriend." I slowly sat up as her face froze.

"Jasper Hale?" her voice was almost faint, "the brother of Rosalie Hale?" I nodded grimly, understanding her expression. Rosalie was…. Not the easiest person to get along with. She tended to piss people off just by existing. But then again, from what I'd seen, Bella didn't seem like a girl to get mad because another girl was beautiful. And Rosalie was beautiful, but a conventional type. Blonde hair, blue eyes, big… yeah, you get my drift. Bella was a much more subtle beauty, but more so beautiful in my opinion. Shit.

Bella grimaced, "I guess Jasper will hate me, if he mentions me to Rosalie."

I was curious, "Why's that?"

The look on her face was almost comical, but I understood. The wrath of Rosalie wasn't fun to go through. "I accidently spilled a drink on her, at the beginning of last year. Since then, she's hated me and done her best to make my life hell."

My muscles clenched. I knew Rosalie, whatever she'd done hadn't been nice. "What did she do?"

"She…" Bella seemed to consider and shake her head. "Nothing… it doesn't matter, she's your friend, I'm guessing." I nodded slowly, considering.

"Look, Bella, it's because she's my friend that I'm asking. I know what Rosalie is capable of. Whatever she did to you, I'm certain, wasn't the equivalent of payback. She's…" I struggled for the right word, "obsessive about her looks, anything messing with them gets hit full on. Teeth and claws bared."

Bella just shook her head, "It doesn't matter now, anyways. It's done." For some reason, I noticed that she didn't add the words 'over with' like most people did. What the hell had Rosalie done?

She shook her head, before looking at me and smiling again. As my stomach did a funny flip, she asked me, "So, do you have anymore Jackie Chan movies?"

Yeah… I did.

_*********_

The week leading up to the start of classes was strangely fun and relaxing. We'd hung out in the living room watching movies mostly, sometimes just talking. We talked about our similar tastes in movies; we both loved comedies but wouldn't turn down a good action film. We talked about our mixed tastes in music; I preferred older music while Bella liked a mix of everything. We both loved Debussy though. Our tastes in books were opposite though, Bella liked things like Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice, while I preferred fantasy and science fiction books. We both loved Italian food and lived off caffeine, though Bella drank coffee, while I drank energy drinks.

Bella was funny, intelligent and didn't once drink alcohol the entire week I spent with her. We debated about mythology, religion and everything that happened to pop up. Spending time with her was uplifting; we'd traded some childhood stories, though I noticed that whenever I mentioned her mom, she would get a sad look on her face so I steered away from that topic. She'd spoke of her friends Jessica and Angela. I'd told her a little about growing up with Emmett, Alice and Jasper. I also avoided mentioning Rosalie; she wasn't a good conversation topic.

When I had asked her what she was going to college for, she'd become animated. She wanted to be a writer, I now knew. She'd written stories since she was little and had even had some of them published when she was younger. After talking about the stories, she'd blushed, as though realizing she'd been monopolizing the conversation. But I didn't mind, it was amazing to see her so excited about what she did.

I dejectedly wished that I was as feeling about being a doctor as she was about being an author. When I'd asked her if I could read some of them, her eyes had went wide, and she'd blushed a deeper red before saying that I wouldn't want to read them. I'd put aside the question for now, but planned to ask her about it later.

She didn't want to talk about her mom, but I didn't press it because I refrained from talking about my biological family and my piano. I don't know why I didn't talk about my compositions, I knew that she must hear my piano at night, but she never asked about it, so I didn't bring it up.

For a nerd and a party-girl, we got along amazingly well. I no longer believed everything I'd heard about her, but I didn't discount all of it either. As I'd thought before, rumors had to come from somewhere, didn't they? I didn't talk to many other people in the week; Jasper and Alice were off somewhere, spending time together before college officially started. Emmett and Rosalie were doing the same. Normally, I'd resent being the only one of the five left by myself, but with Bella the time flew by and I had fun for once.

I was strangely at ease with her. Talking to her was easy; I got along, I could be myself around her. But occasionally, I'd still wake up to find her with red eyes. She would occasionally stumble around, clumsily, looking like she was in pain. There were still so many things I didn't know about her. Things I longed to find out, but was afraid to.

She seemed real to me, not like she was faking herself. She didn't dress up to hang around the dorm, she wasn't afraid for me to see her in pajamas, messy hair and no make-up, stumbling to the bathroom in the morning. Not that she could look ugly even if she tried. It worried me though, that she'd go to sleep after me and wake up before me on most days. I'd never seen her sleep, not counting the night that I'd held her.

Neither of us had spoken of that since the night it had happened. It was too…personal, more than we were willing to get right now. But I saw a whole new Isabella Swan that I believed not many people noticed. It was someone I liked, someone I liked a lot.

**I'm definitely watching SNL right now and it's hilarious. I went to watch the Book of Eli today, it was good. Surprising ending, though. AND OMG, Dollhouse episode rocked yesterday, I can't wait for the season finale! AHHH, I hate fox! I can't believe they've gotten rid of my two favorite shows; Firefly and Dollhouse. *sighs* O.k. this is Twilight fanfiction, I'll stop ranting about other things. I hope you liked the chapter. **


	9. Chapter Eight

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! Special thanks to mspacman1 :], your reviews always me smile. Exams are officially over, [I got 100% on one of them! *does a dance*] so I decided to write the next chapter while I'm in a good mood! :] I hope you realize that what happens to the characters each chapter depends on my mood and whims. Just so you know what to expect :] **

**Chapter Eight**

**BPOV**

The week before classes was... relaxing. I spent a lot of time talking to Edward and he was actually a nice guy. He was funny, smart and didn't get too offended over my dark sense of humor. I knew a few things about him so far.

1)He'd been adopted by Esme and Carlisle when he was little; so had Emmett and Alice

2)He doesn't like talking about his biological family

3)He'd had a zombie plan growing up; you know, what you'll do in case of a zombie invasion

4)He would have done amazing on a debate team, I honestly wondered why he wanted to be a doctor instead of a lawyer

5)He doesn't seem that enthusiastic about becoming a doctor

6)He's stubborn, he wouldn't forget about the stories I'd written, he still wanted to read them

7)He was obsessed with Greek Mythology

8)Oh yeah, he has bad taste in books and music. He likes oldies! And he thought that Wuthering Heights was stupid!

That sums up most of the things I'd learned about him, leaving out some of the amusing childhood stories he'd told me about. I was slightly embarrassed by the things I'd believed about him due to rumors. But just because I admitted that didn't mean I was going to start blubbering about my math issues. I'd decided to keep those to myself for a while.

I now knew a bunch of embarrassing stories about Alice, Jasper and Emmett, which he said I could use to blackmail them if I needed too. He had assured me, with a 'glad it's you not me' smile on his face, that Alice would be back soon and interrogating me. I was kind of dreading this, I didn't like talking about myself much. Except with Edward, I seemed to be able to tell him anything.

I was currently curled up on my end of the couch with a cup of coffee watching Moulin Rouge with Edward sprawled out on the rest of the couch, his feet lightly brushing against mine under the giant blanket we shared. The blanket, at first glance, had made me burst into laughter, causing him to become defensive.

"Esme made it for me." He had glared at me, apparently not appreciating my amusement.

"What, when you were five?" The argument had started a tug-a-war fight when he decided that if I mocked the blanket I wouldn't have blanket privileges. It had ended with me underneath the, I kid you not, giant Power Rangers blanket, and him on the outside, trapping me. He'd forced me to ask the fabric Power Rangers for forgiveness and then busted a gut while he laughed his ass off. I'd sniffed, lifted my chin like royalty and stalked to one side of the couch, hogging the entire blanket. I smiled at the memory of him trying to keep a straight face while he apologized and picked me up, blanket and all and sat me on his lap.

"Fine then," he'd said, attempting to appear nonchalant, "this works." I'd watched all of Wall-E cuddled on his lap. We'd fallen asleep apparently during Kung-Fu Panda, and waking up the next morning had been... different but not awkward. He'd just smiled sleepily at me and asked me, when I got my coffee, would I bring him an energy drink? I'd shoved him off the couch, commenting that since he was already up, he might as well get them both. Once he stopped glaring at me, he'd gotten up and brought me not only coffee but waffles. So actually I have another thing to add to the list.

9) He's an amazing cook. How the hell did a college student learn to make the most amazing blueberry waffles on the planet?

"You know," Edwards voice jerked me out of my thoughts, "this movies is stupid."

I sighed, what was up with him and love stories anyway? "Why do you say that?"

"She's basically a whore, she's willing to sleep with this guy because she thinks he'll give money to the fat red-head guy. She also did some slutty dance, waving her ass in the main guy, Christian's? face. But then, she finds out the real guy she's supposed to sleep with is this slimy jerk, so she gets all indignant about it and keeps sleeping with Christian."

"You have a horrible view of things." I glared at him, didn't he get the moral of the story?

He stared at me, obviously confused, "How am I supposed to view it?"

I threw my hands up in exasperation, "They're in love! Love conquers all." I didn't say it, but I knew he heard the _duh!_at the end of my sentence.

He snorted, "Do you honestly believe that?" I gasp, glaring at him, how dare he mock my movie.

"Cynic! You've got this amazing, romantic movie in front of you and all you can do is criticize it! You're crazy!"

With a growl, he punched the pause button. "If love conquered all then why don't they just leave and get the hell away from there? She's going to die anyways, so why not spend the last moments with him instead of hurting him? She's just going to die letting him thing she's a royal bitch? "

I glared right back at him and got up in his face, "She loves him! She's afraid that if she leaves with him, the Duke will have him killed."

He raised an eyebrow at me, "So instead of taking a chance, she rips his heart out? Bullshit, she's just a coward" as he emphasized the last word, I felt his breath blow over my face and with a jolt realized how close were were sitting. I could tell when he realized it, too; he froze, his eyes shimmering as they stared into mine. The gold in his eyes darkened, replicating what I'd seen the first morning I'd woken in his arms. Oh god, he was so close, that was all I could think, my breathing was unsteady and I couldn't even bring myself to be embarrassed that he could tell how he was affecting me.

He slowly lowered his head, his lips inches from mine, his eyes asking permission which I desperately wanted to give, I parted my lips, his sweet cool breath bathing my face.....

and there was a knock on the door.

**Oooo, who's at the door? :P Lol, I know, I'm a horrible person, and as much as I want them to start making out right now, alas, it cannot be. *sniffs* reviews? :] Hoping to get at least 50 by Chapter Ten. I'm sorry it's so short, but I just really wanted to get this up. Ch. 9 should be up soon also, EPOV. **


	10. Chapter Nine

**Next shout out goes to , thanks for all of the reviews. :] Everybody is awesome, I didn't expect so many Story Alerts. I do feel bad for not working on Twilight Meetings anymore though. But this story is fun to write.**

Chapter Nine

EPOV

Her lips were parted, her eyes wide. Jesus, was I really going to do this? I shouldn't… but I needed to. I started to lower my head, keeping eye contact. Her beautiful brown eyes were darkening as I knew my own must be. Almost to paradise…and someone knocks on the fucking door. I stay still, staring down into her eyes, contemplating ignoring it but whoever it was was persistent. 'whoever it was' like I didn't fucking know. I was going to kill my sister. With a groan, pulled away. "Alice."

Bella bit her lip, her cheeks turning red and looked away. "Hey, I…" BAM. "Sonofabitch." I stalked to the door and jerked it open, glaring at Alice. My anger didn't even phase her. She skipped right past me into the room.

"Bella!" Alice threw her arms around her. Bella looked like a deer caught in the headlights, completely uncertain of what to do.

"Alice." I warned. She sighed and pulled away still smiling at Bella. I glared at Jasper who slowly trailed in the doorway with a smirk on his face. I scowled at him, "Want to remind me why you're my best friend?"

He leaned against the doorjam casually and said, "Because I stopped Mike from spilling your dirty little secret to everyone in 9th grade." I saw Bella tilt her head sideway, as though wondering what he was talking about. Jasper glanced towards the couch, "Hey Bella, want to know something dorky about Edward?" His eyebrows were raised.

I just sighed, "Shut the fuck up Jasper." It wasn't that I was embarrassed, I'm pretty sure that Bella already knew anyways, it just wasn't something we talked about.

I glanced at Bella who shrugged. "If Edward doesn't want me to know, then I don't need to know. It's his life."

Alice laughed, "You're one weird girl. I mean, come on! Think of the gossip we could start about him!"

Bella's face darkened, "I don't spread rumors."

Alice's eyes went wide at the look at Bella's face, "I was just kidding, I wasn't saying that…" she trailed off, obviously wondering what to do.

Bella forced a smile, "It's alright."

Jasper, always Alice's Prince in Shining Armor, jumped in to save her. "So, Edwards embarrassing secret issss, " he paused for dramatic effect, watching Bella's face carefully. "He plays piano!!!" he grinned, spreading his arms waiting for Bella's laugh. I cringed, keeping my face turned away from her so I wouldn't see the mocking look on her face that had appeared on every single person I knows face when they found out.

I glanced at Jasper who looked slightly surprised. I risked a glance at Bella's face. She just raised an eyebrow at Jasper. "That's your big embarrassing secret? Big deal, I already knew that. How is it embarrassing?" She turned her confused face towards me, giving me a questioning look. "Why are you ashamed of playing piano? It's amazing."

The surge of emotion that went through me was undeniable. So, it was true, Bella's opinion mattered to me a lot more than it should. My relief un-tensed my shoulders and I grinned at her. Jasper just wouldn't let it go though, "How isn't it embarrassing? It's like the definition for nerd!"

Bella stared at Jasper in disgust, "Aren't you supposed to be Edward's best friend? What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you telling people if he obviously doesn't want them to know," she now looked at me, "Even if being ashamed about it is ridiculous." She turned her glare back to Jasper. His smile slowly faded at her rebuke.

He held up his hands in surrender, "I'm just messing around." I was being bombarded with emotions, my embarrassment at Bella knowing, my relief at her reaction, my surge of pride at her defense of me to someone she didn't even really know.

"Messing around would be telling some childhood embarrassments, not something that effects him now." Yet her cheeks turned red at her rant and I could almost see her thinking of how to get the hell out of her.

It was Alice who broke the silence, "She's right, Jasper, stop being mean to Edward!"

Jasper looked properly ashamed. Then he glanced up, "Sorry, man, I guess I didn't realize how much it bothered you."

I shrugged, "It's O.K.," I gave a laugh, "Looks like I found my protector," I rested my hands on Bella's shoulders. "You look like a chiwawa but really are a rottweiler in disguise." I grinned.

She turned her mock offended look on before turning to Jasper and Alice, "Did he just really say I looked like a CHIWAWA?" The laughter that erupted broke the awkward silence and we all sat down and talked for a while. Bella looked uncomfortable at first but slowly relaxed as Alice treated her like a long-lost friend. As they rose to leave, Alice grabbed me and pulled me into the bedroom for a minute, saying we'd be right back.

The pixie-like smile on her face was contagious, "So, you and Bella are finally getting along, huh?"

I rolled my eyes at the hopeful look on her face, "We're friends, Alice, that's all."

She nodded, perfectly innocent, yeah right, "Uh-huh, I believe that, especially since her face was bright red when we walked in and she would meet anyone's eyes."

I burst into laughter, Alice was way to observant for her own good, "Nothing happened."

"Yet," she said, before skipping off as I opened my mouth to deny her claim. Shaking my head, I followed her... and felt a surge of jealousy as I saw Jasper's head close to Bella, obviously in a deep conversation. Jasper is in love with Alice, I knew that. But I still felt angry that it was another guy who she was talking to, so intently. They stopped talking when they saw Alice and both said their goodbyes. When the door swung shut, Bella blushed and looked down.

I stared at her, what do we do now? I became distracted as she bit her bottom lip. I longed to be the one doing that, I almost had been. Where do we go from here? We'd been so open with eachother, I didn't want to risk losing that. So I made the only decision I could think of; pretend it never happened.

I laughed, faking happiness, I wanted her, but I wouldn't give up our newly found friendship for a period of lust. "So, do you want to finish the movie?"

She scoffed at me, a relived look on her face when she realized that I wasn't going to bring up what had nearly happened. "And listen to you ruin it? No thanks, I'll watch it by myself sometime. Let's watch Role Models!" She grinned, "Jessica told me it was awesome. Oh and to tell you, that you're a jerk for watching the Saw movies with me, she'd wanted to be there when I saw them."

I tried not to laugh as I remembered her reaction, she grimaced at the blood, screamed at the parts that weren't that scary, shuddered at horribly edited gore. She'd ended up curled under my arm, clinging to me as though the guy was going to jump out of the screen and grab her. I'd barely seen the movies because I'd been to distracted by the smell of her hair, like strawberries, it was amazing. She placed her hand way to far up on my thigh at one point, and I'd jerked. But of course, she thought it was reaction to the movies, and happily pointed it out whenever I laughed at her fear. So I just let her think it was too the movie, rather than tell her that I was fucking horny.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the couch, dropping down right beside me. She curled up against my side, underneath the blanket that Esme had made me when I was younger, and pressed play. I stretched out my legs, wrapped my arm around her, and thought… this is the life.

**:] I hope you like it! Not sure if I'll be able to get Ch. 10 up this weekend but I'll try. **


	11. Chapter Ten

**SO my week has been completely shitty; I got the stomach flu, my computer died, I broke up with my boyfriend and got into a fight with my best friends. FML! O.k. now that I'm done complaining, I decided to start writing this chapter while I actually have access to a computer and forget about things for a while. **

Chapter Ten

BPOV

Jasper pulled me aside after Alice dragged Edward into the bedroom. I bit my lip nervously, I really didn't want to confront him. I didn't regret sticking up for Edward when he obviously wouldn't stick up for himself but this was a guy who I barely knew, whose sister had tormented me since the first day we met and I had lectured him about being a bad best friend. Shit, I really know how to make enemies, don't I?

He looked almost as uncomfortable as I felt. "Look, I just wanted to say that I guess I didn't realize how much it bothered Edward. I didn't mean to be a bad friend."

I blushed and looked away, "It's O.K., it's not my place to lecture you, he's your friend."

Jasper smiled and placed a hand on my arm. "He's your friend, too, I'm glad he has someone like you to stick up for him."

"Someone like me?" I raised my eyebrow at him, "you mean a chiwawa?"

He grinned like I'd expected him to, but his face turned serious and he leaned in towards me. "Look, I'm not going to break Edward's trust, I just think you need to know that he…" Jasper hesitated; I leaned forward to hear what he had to say, "he's had a hard time. He's got these unrealistic beliefs of what he thinks people want him to be and that he's got to measure up. A few years ago, there was someone he cared about that only wanted him because of the Cullen fortune. I'm just warning you, that if you hurt him in anyway.." I cut him off, glaring at him.

"I know the fucking rumors; I know what people fucking think about me. Let me tell you something, I'm not some fucking slut gold-digger, you want to know where that comes from ask your goddamn sister. Don't fucking judge me. You don't know me. "I started to pull away from him, but his arm came up stopping me. I glared at him face, ignoring my embarrassment.

At least he had the decency to look apologetic, "You're right, I don't know you. That's why I'm saying this, I don't listen to rumors. I'm sorry if it came out that way. But while we're talking about it, what did Rosalie do to you?"

My face red, I looked away, "It doesn't matter," my voice lowered.

"Yes, it does, she…" he trailed off as Alice skipped out of the bedroom and next to us. They said their goodbyes, my relief was tangible to get out of Jasper's questioning, but the look he gave me warned that this wasn't the last I would hear of it. After Alice dragged Jasper out into the hall, I felt myself blush again, remembering Edwards breath on my face and his eyes staring into mine. I looked down, unsure of how to proceed.

It was Edward who broke the silence, talking about the movie we'd been watching. Almost instantly the tension was brushed away and we sat down on the couch together to watch Role Models. It was a good movie, but I honestly missed some parts of it, as I was distracted by the god sitting next to me. I smiled, who would have thought that the guy I had dreaded meeting would now be considered my god? Edward teasingly commented on my smile in a totally inappropriate part of the movie. So far, I had been successful in ignoring the fact that classes were starting and I'd have to go back to hiding in my room soon. I'd realized that over my week with Edward I'd only had one migraine, and it had been a minor one that had been soothed by my medicine and his piano playing. He'd never know how much I depended on his music to get me through the night.

My nightmares were still almost a nightly occurrence, something that the shrinks just told me I had to get over. Fuck them, how was I supposed to get over seeing my mom die? Seeing her lips move in her last words. They didn't know anything. I've dealt with her death, I've come to grips with it, the fact that I'm still standing proves that. But the nightmares still haunted me, nothing would vanquish them. They were just a part of my life now, as were my headaches, I didn't dwell on them, I suffered through them, then got over it and moved on, after three years those things were just daily routine.

I don't recall ever finishing Willow which Edward put into the player after Role Models. I vaguely remember the beginning, but sometime I must have drifted off because the next thing I saw was bright lights and people standing over me.

_I could smell the hospital cleanliness, hear incoherent voices in my ears. Some bastard pried my eyes open and shined a light in them, but I was too weak and tired to shove him away. My head was pounding and the light was intensifying it immensely. Helpless tears leaked out of my eyes, why wouldn't they stop? I didn't understand, why were they hurting me? Was it my fault? Was this my punishment? Punishment….? For what… what had happened? _

_It came back with a flash, the rain, the crash, the blood, the glass. The weakness in my body suddenly disappeared and I was fighting the men in white who were holding me down, screaming at the top of my lungs. "Bella!" There was no face to that voice. Where was it coming from? _

"BELLA!" With a scream, I jerked up, fighting the arms that constrained me. "Bella, sweetheart, it was just a dream." Wildly, I fought against the voice, scratching everything within reach.

"Mom! Where is she!? Where is she?!" I sobbed, breathless, confused, disoriented.

"Bella! Listen to me, it's me, Edward, if you keep fighting you're going to hurt yourself." Almost simultaneously, I realized what was happening. I stilled instantly, my body trembling. I allowed myself to _see _and take in what was around me, instead of ignoring what my head was telling me.

Edward had his arms constricting me, holding me onto the couch, keeping me from falling off. He had a desperate look on him face, along with bloody scratches lining his chest. Overcome with the emotion from the dream, tears filled my eyes. "Edward?" I whispered.

"It's me, Bells." The nickname flowed off his tongue like he'd used it a thousand times. With anyone else, that name would have triggered instant rage from me, and it should have, especially in the side effects from the dream. My mother's nickname on another persons lips was blasphemy. But with Edward, it calmed me. Regret poured through me, and I gently reached out and touched his chest.

"I'm so sorry," I mouthed, horrified by what I'd done.

He held me against him, rocking me, "It's O.K., you weren't yourself, do you want to talk about it?" Denial filled me and I pulled away from him, looking away. He understood instantly, "It's O.K. if you don't want to, but are you going to be alright?" Silently, I nodded. "Do you want me to stay with you the rest of the night?"

I hesitated, I should have instantly said no, my scars already marked him, if I was going to fall into the deepness, I didn't want to take anyone else with me, but a selfish part of me begged for companionship, to accept the comfort he offered. But I closed the door on those thoughts, I wasn't going to corrupt anyone else with my darkness. I shook my head, "No, I'll be O.K." My voice came out little more than a hoarse whisper, my throat hurting from the screams.

He paused as though judging my word, but finally he sighed, "If you're sure…" I nodded, before standing up and looking towards my door, longing for freedom, to be alone in the tidal wave of pain I knew was soon to come, I could already feel the band tightening around my head. "O.K. I'll be out here," he gestured to the couch, "If you need me."

"Thanks," I turned toward the door before halting and looking back at him. The moonlight from the solitary window framed him, shirt-less, wearing a pair of jeans, scratches raked across his chest, and I was fairly sure I could see blood on his lip. Self-hatred consumed me, threatening my life. "I'm sorry."

And then I fled into the darkness, the deepness, into the flames and the death that I knew would consume me. I welcomed it.

EPOV

I'd thought I had understood helplessness when I watched my dad stumble towards me, drunk, angry; I'd though I'd understood when I'd been beaten the shit out of for being a geek in middle school, but nothing had prepared me for having Bella in my arms, sobbing, screaming and being unable to help her. My chest and lip stung, but I knew the physical pain I felt was nothing compared to what she must be feeling. What horrors had she faced to turn someone so strong into hysteria? I gazed at her door, wondering if I should ignore her wishes and go to her, be with her. But it was her choice, my head dropped, suddenly exhausted. _Her choice, always her choice, it has to be, I couldn't deal with it any other way. _

In the next room, in the dark, a small girl, the age of 14 was curled in the corner, rocking herself back and forth, contemplating the cost of just jumping into the deepness and to stop tormenting herself with glimpses of light.

**I don't know if this is obvious of not, but when I refer to the deepness I'm basically talking about depression. Classes starting next chapter, poor Bella. Just to say again, you guys all rock, and sometime later I might go through and answer all of your comments but I'm not up to it right now. But I love you guys anyway! [but not in a creepy way or anything ;P ] lol **


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Thanks for the story comments everyone! [and of course, being the crazy person that I am, I'm going to reply to the non-story part of a review lol] **

**Raelynne: I didn't actually get to see the finale [I know! Sucky, right?] I didn't have access to a T.V the night it was on, so I'm waiting until I can get on high speed internet to watch it, I'm really excited to watch it. :] the rest of season two has rocked though! **

**BPOV**

Movement hurt like hell. Perfect way to start off the year, right? With a fucking migraine after beating the shit out of your roommate? O.k., maybe I'm exaggerating the 'beating the shit out of' part, but he'd been bleeding, damn it! He'd sworn that it was fine this morning as he'd woken me up with coffee and waffles, but I didn't believe him. He was being really sweet today, especially the breakfast in bed. He probably thinks that I'm a nutjob, though I'm thinking that it's not that bad to be thought of as crazy as long as he keeps making me those waffles. God, I'm shallow, I thought with a smile, rolling my pencil between my fingers.

Class was supposed to start in a couple of minutes; it's Monday so my first class is Psychology, which I just happen to have with Edward. I'm trying to not be too happy about this fact, but it's hard, Jessica and Angela are my only two real friends besides him and neither of them decided to take Psych. so I'm happy to know someone.

I glanced over at Edward, slyly, and realized he was looking at me. Shit, I jerked my gaze back and felt my face turning red. I could hear him laughing quietly from next to me. I shoved my hair out of my eyes and glared at him as he grinned unashamedly at me. Opening my mouth to scold at him, I heard the students stop talking and the teacher walk in. Shutting my mouth quickly, I scowled at him before turning to the lecture.

It only took me 10 minutes to realize that this was going to be insanely boring. Sighing, I rested my head on my palm and stared off into space blankly. A few moments later, I felt Edward nudge me. Glancing over quizzically, I saw that he had pushed his note book towards me.

**This is boring; talk to me!**

I fought back a smile and lost, glancing at him. He was staring determinedly at the professor, but I could see his lips twitching at the corners of his perfectly chiseled lips.

_Agreed. And what am I supposed to talk to you about? _

I shoved the notebook back quickly before looking at the front of the room. The teacher still hadn't finished introducing himself and explaining what Psych. was. Honestly, I hated Psychology, I'd spent too long under the watchful eyes of shrinks to appreciate their work. I just wanted to see what they thought was wrong with me, so I could pretend to be better and maybe they'd leave me the hell alone. The notebook being shoved back at me interrupted my musings.

**Anything! What should we do tonight? **

The demon sitting on my shoulder guided me as I wrote:

_*winks* _

And shoved the notebook back at him.

I watched him read it and then try not to crack up, before grabbing his pencil and writing.

**=D And what is this delightful winking about? **

_Mmm, I don't know! ;) _Starting to feel my embarrassment, I decided to change the subject. _I think we should watch X-Men! _

**:P not that I'm disagreeing to the X-Men, but I want to go back to the winking part of this conversation! **

My face turned bright red and I refused to look at him even though I knew he was smiling.

_Jerk! I'm never messing around with you again!_

As soon as I shoved the notebook at him, I realized what I had just written. I saw his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter as I yanked the notebook back before he could reply. I scratched out "messing around" furiously.

_joking, asshole, I meant joking!_

I shoved the notebook at him, glaring. He still had a giant grin on his face, he wasn't even trying to hide it.

**Ouch, I'm an asshole now, huh? O.K. ignoring your obvious come ons to me, lets play the question game! **

_Ignoring the fact that you're a douchebag; what the fuck is the question game?_

**[OUCH] It's something me, Alice and Emmett always used to play, you ask a question and the person has to answer completely truthfully, then the next person gets to ask and so on. You get three skips. **

I scrunched up my nose to one side, something I'd always done when I was younger and deliberated. I could always quit after I use my three skips I figured.

_O.K. but you go first; I don't know what to ask._

**=D ok, lets see… I'll start easy; why did you date your first boyfriend**

I blushed. For anyone else that question would have been easy, but for me it wasn't. I hadn't even had a boyfriend until I went to college because everyone had been saying I was a slut and since I didn't have a boyfriend I must be sleeping with everyone. Because of this, I'd let Jessica push me into dating a guy I didn't even like. But I wasn't going to tell Edward that. He'd probably had his first girlfriend at 13, she'd probably been blonde, mature for her age, and completely adored him.

_Skip. _

**What? That was an easy one! *sighs* O.k. your turn to ask. **

_Hmm, what's your biggest pet peeve?_

**People who talk behind their "friends" backs. Who are your top three friends?**

Was he ever going to ask me a question that didn't make me sound completely pathetic? Jessica and Angela were givens but I didn't have a third! They were my two true main friends; the only ones I could count on.

_Jessica and Angela are it really._

**? Come on, you're the most popular girl in our school!**

Him pointing that out made me feel like complete shit.

_Yeah, being popular doesn't give you best friends, it gives you friendly enemies. _

It took him a while to give me back the notebook, but when he did…

**I'm sorry.**

Anger flared to life within me. Perfect, not only was I a nutjob to him, I was a pathetic one also.

_Sorry you got stuck with such a pathetic roommate then. This game is fucking stupid. _

I shoved back at him and put my elbow down between us, giving him no room to slide it back to me. I dealt with him trying to get my attention the rest of the hour and dreading the end of the class. I didn't want to face him, I was ridiculously close to tears. After another hour of the professor rambling on about the introduction to Psychology, he dismissed us and Edward and I walked out in silence.

Since we'd had the same class, he'd driven me in his car. The ride back was silent, except for Muse playing softly on the radio. When we got inside our dorms, we had yet for either of us to speak. I turned to go hide in my room when he touched my arm.

I jumped, not expecting it. "Hey, I didn't mean to upset you." I shook my head, it wasn't his fault that I had a tendency to overreact at the slightest things.

"It doesn't matter, it's not your fault."

He flashed his crooked smile at me, "That's not what I meant, it's just that I must be a pretty bad friend if you can't even include me in your 'true' friends." I froze, unsure of what to say, so he continued, "I mean, we've only known each other for a week but it seems like I've known you forever."

"Oh man," I smiled, "Too bad for you."

He laughed, "I meant that as a good thing."

Suddenly happy, I jumped forward and hugged him. He was surprised at first, but swiftly wrapped his arms around me and returned my hug. "Thank you." I whispered, suddenly shy.

He rubbed his lips against my hair, in a gesture that seemed almost intimate, "No problem." After a few seconds, he said, "So, do you want to watch the X-Men now?" My face turned red as I realized that I was still holding onto him and I started to jump back but he laughed and held me close.

In a gesture that made my secret romantic heart swoon, he curled his arm underneath my legs and picked me up. With a very unattractive half shriek, I gripped my arms around his neck. "What are you doing!?"

He smiled at me, walking to the couch, "We're going to watch X-Men remember?"

"B—but.." I stuttered. He just grinned and sat down with me on his lap after inserting the movie. My attempt to wiggle off was ignored besides for a slight gripping of his arms to prevent me from succeeding. With a sigh, I relaxed against him, forced to endure the hardship of him holding me for a few hours. _Yeah, right._

**I'm just trying to get their relationship set up right now; sorry if it seems really slow. **


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Dollhouse ending was amazing!; but it was really sad, too. Sorry, it's taken so long to update, lack of a computer does that. Here you are!**

**Chapter Twelve**

BPOV

The first week of college went by fairly quickly. Edward was in half of my classes; and if he wasn't, then usually Jessica or Angela were in the class with me. The only class that I didn't have any of those three in was my Literature class but I wasn't completely alone because the boy I'd met my first week of sophomore year was there. Jacob Black. Jacob, I learned was the kid that's the joker. I'd had one every year in grade school, the kid who jokes at inappropriate times; the one who you know you shouldn't laugh at but you can't help it. Yep, that was Jake.

This year of college was starting off far better than I'd hoped. I'd ditched Mike, in which Jessica had fully supported me in once I'd told her what happened. Jessica and Angela were starting to get along, though Jess still didn't get how Angela could wear sweats to class. Jake was someone who I definitely could picture becoming friends with in the near future and he seemed to return the feeling. And last, but definitely not least, Edward. Things with him were… relaxing. He was the one person I could completely be myself with.

I smiled recalling his laughter when I'd serenaded him with an All-American Reject song that went along the lines of "I wanna, I wanna touch you, you wanna touch me too!" He kept his idea that I was constantly coming on to him, and to my amusement could turn the simplest things into innuendos. He flirted shamelessly with me, and depending on my mood, I flirted back. All innocent, of course.

We'd created a movie list; it had already, over 50 movies that we wanted to watch and was steadily growing. The time outside of classes was spent almost continually with Edward, though Jessica and Angela had come over at one point and watched The Princess's Bride with us. Much to my relief and avoided embarrassment, Edward had allowed me to sit next to him with them present, instead of yanking me onto his lap. Not that I objected to sitting on his lap when we were alone anymore, but I didn't want my friends seeing anything more into it than there was. Edward and I were friends, just that. Maybe, I though wryly, if I repeat it enough, I'll convince myself it.

I sighed, staring out the window at campus. I was only delaying the inevitable by sitting here. I needed to get up and do my math homework, but I didn't want to deal with the consequences. My headaches had started to recede over the past week. I'd only had a few minor ones, none of the skull-pounding pain that I was used to. Math though, would bring it back, no question.

I jumped as I felt a pair of hands gently touch my shoulders. "You alright, Bells?" That was something else about Edward, his nickname for me made me feel good, it didn't hurt me.

"_Oh yeah, I'm sure, Bells!" Jessica grinned at me, obviously waiting for me to reply, but I wasn't there. Pulling my consciousness into myself, I was somewhere else. _

_"NO!" The sound was ripped out of me and I flung myself away from Jessica, my eyes wide, angry. She stared at me, shocked, hurt. _

_"Bells?" _

_"Don't….Call….Me…That!" I screamed at her, tears leaking out of my eyes. My rage flared within me, terrifying me. _

_Understanding dawned on her, followed by compassion. "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry." She didn't hesitate, just pulled me into her arms, rocking me as I cried, my angry draining. _

_"I miss her so much, Jess."_

_"I know, Bella, I'm so sorry." I couldn't remember how long we sat like that. My best friend comforting me over something she hadn't even know me when it had happened. She never got angry when I raged over insignificant things, she just stopped whatever it was that had bothered me. She never got annoyed by my crying. She was better than I deserved. I was going to make myself good enough to be her friend. _

From that day up until I moved in with Edward, I had never cried in front of anyone. That had been my vow. The one I'd broken. The one I was determined to never break again. Except Edward was slowly breaking through my defenses, and it was hard to keep someone out when you didn't really want to.

I felt his hands gently massage my shoulders, "Bells?"

Leaning my head back into him, I sighed, shutting my eyes. "I'm fine." I heard a soft snort before he turned me around to face him, crouching down to look directly in my eyes.

With his eyes narrow, staring at me, he accused "Liar." I stuck my tongue out at him, but didn't move out of the comfort of his arms. He rested his forehead against mine, his beautiful eyes gazing into mine, holding me captive, unable to look away. I moistened my lips, hesitantly, awkwardly. Almost instantly his eyes darted to my lips, gazing at them with the same intensity.

I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry, "Edward…I…" And he kissed me.

It took me exactly six heart-stopping seconds to react. Edward gently rubbed his lips against mine before darting his tongue out, asking for permission. I opened my mouth before I even thought about it and he deepened the kiss, tilting his head opposite to mine, gently probing. Hesitantly, I kissed him back, my arms slowly winding around his neck and running through his hair. God, it was amazing; the bombardment of my senses dizzied me. His mouth on mine, his hands on my hips gently circling, his silky hair running through my fingers. As I started getting lightheaded, Edward pulled slightly back, his lips running onto my cheeks and to my ear.

"Breathe, Bella," he whispered. His words jolted me out of my haze and I gasped, dragging air into my lungs before his lips slowly traveled back to mine. An immeasurable amount of time passed before he pulled back, breathing heavily, resting his forehead against mine again.

"Bells," it was more his mouthing the word than actual speech. Talking was too much to ask of me, I could barely get in enough breath to prevent passing out, I didn't have anymore to spare. We sat there for a long time, just staring at each other, catching our breath.

The silence that followed was a blessing for me; I didn't know how to react, what did this mean for us? So far all we'd been was friends, close friends, but just friends. I'd shoved back my interest of him because he wasn't someone that would ever date me. But… he had kissed me, hadn't he? Or had I started it? I didn't remember, but I wasn't sure how to go on? Should I act like it never happened? Or should I ask him why he kissed me? But what if he hadn't actually kissed me and I'd kissed him? I know he'd leaned forward first, but had I given some kind of sign? Something pathetic that he'd been forced to kiss me just because he was a gentleman? Had I been a **pity kiss? **

My thoughts were semi-hysterical but he seemed unaware. My face was turning red and I watched him notice it with a small smile. Then he sighed and pulled back, gently cupping my face with his palm, "Ahh, Bells, we need to talk."

**I know =] I'm a horrible person. ;P Maybe Chapter 13 tomorrow? If not tomorrow then it should at least be up Wednesday. Hearts to all my reviewers!!**


	14. Chapter Thirteen

I've had a hard time trying not to make Edward sound too girly in the beginning of this.

Some of the random vulgar phrases are based off of a girl I know :]

I had asked one of my bestfriends what would be going through his head in this scenario and he just wiggled his eyebrows at me and said lets find out. =] I love my friends.

Sorry it took longer than I thought it would to write this.

Chapter Thirteen

EPOV

I kissed Bella. I, Edward Masen Cullen, had kissed Isabella Swan. I kissed her. I couldn't wrap my head around it. It seemed so… unreal. It wasn't like I was some twenty-one year old nerd virgin who had never been kissed but this was Bella. This was the girl that was a close to me as Jasper was, she probably even knew more about me than he did. The girl I'd known for about two weeks compared to the guy who had been my best friend since childhood. I came out of my daze long enough to realize that she was staring at me like I was going to send her to the guillotines.

What had I said? Oh yeah, we need to talk. It was true, we needed to figure out what had just happened here. She had kissed me back… hadn't she? Shit, I racked my brain, trying to shove past the shock and pleasure I'd found kissing her to her reaction. She'd definitely kissed me back, unless there was another reason she'd stuck her tongue down my throat. Sidetracked, I wondered if I could convince her to do it again. I opened my mouth to bring up the topic, ignoring that my brain told me it was a bad idea, when the phone rang.

Motherfucker, why did stuff like this always happen to us? It was like this was a story and this was the director or author's way of slowing us down when we didn't want to. I scowled at the phone for a while before noticing Bella looking at me strangely. Probably wondering why I wasn't picking up, I mused. Well, no reason not to now, my mouth had acknowledged the fact that asking Bells for a repeat probably wasn't the smartest idea, no matter how amazing it sounded. With a sigh, I grabbed the phone, ready to curse out whoever was there.

"Who is this?" Probably not the nicest was to greet whoever the hell it was, but right now I didn't give a fuck.

"Who is this? It's your girlfriend!" The voice boomed at me, causing me to jerk the phone away from my ear and hold it away from me. The startled, semi-accusing look on Bella's face would have made me laugh on a different day.

I sighed again, "What the hell do you want, Emmett?"

He pretended to sob, "You haven't stopped by, you haven't called." An overly dramatic hiccupping parted his words. "Have you found someone new?" Emmett's voice was loud enough that Bella could hear every word. I gave her a wry smile, struggling not to laugh at the confused expression on her face.

"You're a fucktard, Emmett. You want me to tell Rose you're cheating on her? I could tape this conversation." I leaned back against the couch and ignoring the newly made tension between us, I pulled Bella closer to me, away from the window that she'd been staring out of before I'd kissed her, as I would have yesterday or the day before.

Emmett's laughter threatened to burst my eardrums, I grimaced and held the phone at arms distance. Bella's body was stiff next to me, but I ignored her momentary discomfort due to our kiss and held on to her. But her stiffness made me wonder. We'd only kissed once and already things were awkward. The ease at which we'd casually touched each other was gone replaced with something I didn't like.

I didn't want to lose Bella as a friend. She meant a lot to me, it felt like we'd known each other forever. I could talk to her about anything, sit in silence with her without it feeling weird. The latter, to most, wouldn't be an important thing, but many people underestimated how much it impacted a relationship, being comfortable with someone else without having to fill the time with useless filler. Enjoying just **being **with the other person, without the need for words.

Lauren Mallory, my last girlfriend, had been someone who had no appreciation for silence. Time with her had been everlasting conversation, mostly her badmouthing everyone due to jealousy. I could remember many times when Bella had been on her shit list and she'd run on about Bella being such a slut for hours. Needless to say, that relationship hadn't lasted long, but I still regretted the fact that much of the information I'd judged Bells on, originally came from Lauren's mouth. I was jerked out of my thoughts by Emmetts voice in my ear. "What was that?" I asked, hoping to cover up my lapse of attention.

"Shithead! You weren't listening at all, were you?"

"Nope, sorry, I realize this must be a common occurrence for you. Having people tune you out, I mean."

He laughed again, "Whatever, fucker. I'm going to beat the shit out of you." I smiled at Bella, who was obviously confused as hell. I didn't blame her; I'd known Emmett forever and he still confused the hell out of me sometimes. I rested my head against her shoulder, her body semi-relaxed next to mine. Not as stiff as she'd been a minute before, but not as relaxed as she would have been yesterday. I felt more than heard her sigh, before her body went almost limp and her head came down against mine.

Bingo! I smiled widely down at her and she smiled uncertainly back at me. Emmett was rumbling in my ear again so I forced myself to pay attention. "What?"

"We'll be there in two minutes, talk to you later."

"Wait, wh---" he hung up. I slowly pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it. "Mother fucking shit cock, fucking hell." Bella jerked, staring at me with wide eyes. I sighed, I guess she still wasn't used to my creative colorful phrases. Her mouth formed a small "o", her chocolate eyes were wide and slightly alarmed. I reached my hand up and cupped her cheek, resting my head against her forehead. "Rain check on the talk? Emmett said they'll be here soon."

Her voice was small as she asked, "They?"

I snorted softly, "I have no bloody idea." She looked slightly frightened, and with a pang, I realized that Emmett saying "we" must mean him and Rosalie and from what I could pull out of Bella, Rosalie had done something horrible to her. I didn't know what, but knowing Rosalie it had been bad.

"I'm sorry, Bells baby. Maybe you guys can work out your issues."

"Sure," but her face was doubtful and worried. "Maybe I should just go over to Jess's for a while." She hesitantly suggested.

I scowled, "No, this is our dorm. If Rosalie wants to start something than she can leave and I'll talk to Emmett some other time."

"She's your friend, Edward." Her eyes were heartbreaking, her face sad, like she believed I'd give her up.

I gently pressed my lips against her forehead, "You are, too."

She sighed, still uncertain before pulling away and standing up. Wearing rumpled black sweats and a red tank top, she looked completely adorable. I especially liked her hair, a messy bun thrown on top of her head, hairs sticking out everywhere. Even like this she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. I swallowed back those thoughts, putting them aside to think about later and stood up, also. "I guess we'd better get ready."

She nodded silently, before walking slowly back to her room. Hating the discord between us, I went to my room to change, debating how

BPOV

I had mostly pushed my panic at kissing Edward aside, and was now panicking for a new reason. Rosalie. What was going to happen? The last time I had seen her, she'd been telling me I was going to regret what I had done. Like I had purposely tripped into her. Minutes after that conversation, I'd heard the rumors. Isabella Swan unveiled; everyone believed that I'd slept with Mike, Tyler and Eric on the same night. And even though Mike had been pushing me for sex and angry because I wouldn't give in to him, he'd never once denied the claim.

The rumors had led to me being assaulted in the secluded hall by a nameless student when I'd been returning from a night course. He'd shoved me against the wall, claiming that if I'd given it up to them, then I shouldn't have a problem giving it up to him. I'd been saved by Jess sticking her sleepy head out of the room door, wondering what all of the noise was about. After she'd yanked him off of me, she'd pulled me in the room, threatening to disembowel Rosalie for what she'd done. I'd made her promise not to bring Rosalie down on herself. I'd been too embarrassed the report the incident and just took precautions, always making sure someone was with me.

The rumors had made it impossible for me to make friends in college. The girls called me a slut and the guys just wanted to sleep with me. I hated it. I wasn't like that, why didn't anyone realize it? Why did everyone completely believe Rosalie, even though I'd never done anything like that before? My bitterness renewed, I was afraid that I would make her do something even worse. There was always a chance that next time there would be no one around to save me. What would have happened if Jess hadn't woken up?

My endless questions were ended when I heard a knock at the door. Steeling myself, I opened my bedroom door in time to see Edward turn the handle of the outside door. I mentally donned my armor and I was ready.

* * *

**Since none of you know me personally, you don't know about my, ahem, lack of motivation issue. I tend to start things and never finish them or start a million things at once. But don't worry, [if anyone would] SoAaL will still be my first priority story and I'd definitely keep writing it until the finish; but I have this idea for another story in my head and I want to form it while it's fresh. It shouldn't affect SoAaL though; just thought I'd mention it in case anyone wants to check it out once I write it. [To Reach The Truth Alive] ;] As of now, Twilight Meetings is officially on hold, maybe someday in the future, I will continue writing it, but….. I'm kind of unsure of how to proceed with it, and….idk….**

**Lol. I'm one of those people who reads six books at once, [though I'm currently only reading 4 right now!] But I always finish reading them even if it means getting less sleep, keep that in mind. Hehe. **

**Anyways; **

**Hasta luego. **


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**I could go into a million excuses of why this took me so long, but I will spare you and just get on with the story.**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**BPOV**

I watched Edward pull the door open after sending me a reassuring look. It slowly revealed Emmett, a giant bulky man with dark hair, who held the hand of a blonde, bleached, bombshell bitch. I concentrated on my expression, making sure my smile didn't too closely resemble bared teeth. She wore a slinky red dress that was totally inappropriate for a casual visit to a friend's dorm. Edward said something that I missed and punched Emmett in the shoulder. Rosalie gave a perfectly FAKE laugh. Sadly, I couldn't say that it was high pitched or annoying. Nope, she had the perfect fucking twinkling laugh. I hated it.

Holding my rage on the inside, I braced myself as Emmett noticed me. He smiled, at ease, "You must be Edward's roommate, Bella."

_ It's not his fault his girlfriend is a total bitch, not his fault_. I repeated that over and over in my head, making sure my rage was correctly focused on the right person before I answered him. "Yeah, I'm Bella, you must be Emmett." The smile I sent him was completely real, the opposite of the tight, fake smile I sent Rosalie. "Rosalie."

Her perfect eyes narrowed at me, before her lips curled. Giving her tinkling laugh again, like she was remembering something funny about me, "Isabella, I was surprised you weren't at the party the other night, but I suppose," she sent a quick conspiratorial glance at Edward, "you had better things to do."

Oh no, she did NOT just imply that. I was going to punch a bitch. Edward must have seen the barely controlled rage in my eyes because he stepped in between us. "Rosalie." He said in warning.

She gave him an innocent smile. Emmett laughed and hugged her, oblivious to the tension in the room. "Well, fuckhead, I came over to give you your CDs back." He held out a plastic bag that I had failed to notice before.

Edward took the bag with a grin, "About time, I figured that you were going to keep them."

"Is that an offer? I was tempted, but I figured I'd rather steal your Muse CDs than Debussy." Emmetts enthusiasm was catching. I could almost forget that his girlfriend was a lying slutty bitch….almost.

And speaking of the slutty bitch, she was tapping her perfectly manicured fingernails against the doorjam, obviously impatient to leave.

"Emmett, babe, we really need to get going."

My smile widened, "Well, we shouldn't keep them Edward." With a dirty look at me, she looked upward at Emmett smiling with perfectly white teeth. Damn it, I was not bitter. She had only ruined my reputation which in turn made my life a hell of a lot harder. I worked hard to contain my sneer as I assessed her perfect profile. Damn it.

I was so concentrated on controlling my facial expression that I missed Edward and Emmett exchanging goodbyes and almost missed Emmett speaking to me.

"Nice seeing you, Bella, we'll have to double date sometime." I opened my mouth to explain that me and Edward weren't dating when he gave me a bear hug, cutting off my oxygen and pulled Rosalie out the door. My mouth was opening and closing, like a fish, as I stared at the door he'd just exited through. Edward burst into laughter at my expression.

"Meet Emmett."

I hastily shut my mouth and glared up at him. The reality of the situation descended on me. Normally, I would have popped some joke about us dating, but with the entire "holy shit I kissed my totally sexy godlike roommate" situation, I wasn't sure how to react. His smile faded as he took in my expression, which I hastily tried to conceal. He reached up and cupped my cheek, his golden eyes probing mine. Desperation fled through me, it felt like he was seeing into me, like he could see all that I was and I couldn't let him do that. I wanted to close my eyes, I wanted to run away, but he held me captive with his gaze. Panic raced through my veins, I started feeling dizzy.

"Bells," he whispered, breaking the spell, "Ah, Bells, what are we going to do?" He rested his forehead against mine, with his eyes closed. The panic left me as quickly as it had arrived and I gasped for breath. His eyes opened again, half hooded. "We need to talk but I have to go meet Jasper and Alice. Do you want to come with me?" he asked hopefully.

Desperate for a reprieve, I hastily shook my head, "I've got homework to do, Jess is coming over, too.

"Oh," he looked letdown. "Well, I've got to go." His finger traced the line of my jaw before he reluctantly pulled back. "We are going to talk," he told me with conviction, "I'll see you tonight." And then he was gone.

*****

I spent the hour waiting for Jess, attempting to work on my math homework, but mostly I stressed over the situation with Edward. What were we going to do? Would everything be awkward between us now? He seemed set on acting the same as he always had and keeping our relationship the same. Every time I opened the book, my head threatened to split open. I was sporting a raging headache, threatening to turn into a migraine at any time by the time that Jessica arrived.

She took one look at me and compassion filled her eyes. "Oh, Bella, you should have waited for me."

"Why?" Bitterness filled me. "I can't do it, Jess, no matter how much I try it myself or how many times you explain it to me, I just can't!"

She sighed, "Well, let's get this over with."

Over two hours of attempting to work with graphs and intercepts left me tired and in pain. Thrusting my book away, I stood up, pushing the tears back. "Damn it!" A sense of helplessness overcame me. "What the fuck is wrong with me? They're fucking lines!" Tightening my eyes to keep the tears back, I collapsed on the couch, burying my face in my hands. "What's wrong with me, Jess?" I looked up at her, tears streaking my face despite my attempts to hold them back.

"Oh Bella," she sat down next to me and wrapped her arms around me. "Nothing is wrong with you, Bella. You've been through hell, it's natural that you have some issues."

"Issues? I don't know what I have but they are sure as hell more severe than just issues."

"Cramming all of the work into one night isn't helping either. It helped last year when you spread the homework out. Work on a few problems a night and quit when it gets into migraine territory."

I shook my head, "I can't do that."

Exasperated, she threw her hands in the air, "Why? Because of Edward? Just tell him, Bella! He'll understand."

"What am I supposed to say, Jess? Just go up to a math genius and say 'Hey! I can barely add single digit numbers without getting a massive migraine. Oh yeah, and the reason that we can't work on math homework together is because I do mine in the middle of the night, so when I start fucking crying which is inevitable, you won't be woken up. Or I have to wait until you leave the dorm and when you get back I have to make sure I'm locked in my room so you won't stumble in on me sobbing over my math book!' Still think I'm fucking smart now? Still want to call me your friend? Is that it, Jess? How the fuck do you say that to someone who you want to respect you?"

Jess was quiet for a minute, then with her voice soft she said, "Bella, he can't be a good friend if you hide who you are from him."

I got pissed, pain and rage egging me on, I yelled at her. "My inability to do math doesn't define me!"

She got in my face right back, "It's not even just that! Does he know why you're terrified of thunderstorms yet? Or why you refuse to drive a car and can barely stand the ride in one? Does he know why you almost committed suicide? Does he know that you blame yourself for..."

"ENOUGH!" I cut her off. My rage deflated and all I was left with was pain. "Jess, I appreciate your help but I'll tell him when I'm ready."

A voice interrupted us, "Why not just tell me now?" _Oh, fuck_ was the first thing I thought as I turned around and met those haunting golden eyes that were gazing at me with accusation.

**Two words: turning point! But good or bad? :O You'll have to keep reading and find out ;]. **

**And my complete lack of motivation to finish things is shining through again, To Reach the Truth Alive is being put on hold until a later date and I'm working on a different story.**


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**I'm kind of excited that I turned what had originally been 7 really short paragraphs in the last chapter into over a page. And wooo-hooo; I reached my goal and hit 100 reviews by chapter fifteen! I love you all tons! **

**And lmao, I had to have hnwhitlock2000, explain to me what "hating the edge" meant. Man, I now feel stupid. :P Well, here solves the edge. **

**Without further ado; here is the turning point chapter. **

Chapter Fifteen

_**Previously….****"**ENOUGH!" I cut her off. My rage deflated and all I was left with was pain. "Jess, I appreciate your help but I'll tell him when I'm ready."_

_A voice interrupted us, "Why not just tell me now?" Oh, fuck was the first thing I thought as I turned around and met those haunting golden eyes that were gazing at me with accusation_

EPOV

Alice seriously drove me crazy sometimes. I'd gone over there to hang out with them for a while, eat dinner, play some video games, but Alice decided she wanted to talk about Bella. I could almost hear her nagging voice in my head. _"Have you guys kissed yet?" "Have you told her that you like her?" _Exasperated, I'd asked her why the hell she thought there was anything between us besides friendship. Putting her hands on her hips, she glared at me in a manner not at all intimidating for someone that's 5'1". _"Because I've seen the way you look at her, and I saw the way she avoided our eyes the day we came over and her face was red. Oh and you were unreasonably pissed off then too, I must have" she_ smiled evilly, "_interrupted something."_ I scowled at her.

_"I don't know what you think is going on, but it's your romantic heart and overactive imagination, Bella is my friend. That's final." _She just rolled her eyes and would have started in on me again, but Jasper stopped her. Jesus, I didn't know how Jasper put up with her 24/7. I loved my sister but sometimes she made me insane. Scrubbing a hand over my face, I pushed Bella and I's dorm room open and walked in to see Bella and Jessica standing near the back of the room, completely oblivious to me, arguing about something.

My stomach clenched at the sight of tears on Bella's face and I opened my mouth to talk but Jessica's next words stopped me cold. ""Why? Because of Edward? Just tell him, Bella! He'll understand." Because of me? What did Bella have to tell me? What the fuck was going on here?

I saw Bella's face contort into grim and bitter amusement before she burst out. "What am I supposed to say, Jess? Just go up to a math genius and say 'Hey! I can barely add single digit numbers without getting a massive migraine. Oh yeah, and the reason that we can't work on math homework together is because I do mine in the middle of the night, so when I start fucking crying which is inevitable, you won't be woken up. Or I have to wait until you leave the dorm and when you get back I have to make sure I'm locked in my room so you won't stumble in on me sobbing over my math book!' Still think I'm fucking smart now? Still want to call me your friend? Is that it, Jess? How the fuck do you say that to someone who you want to respect you?"

My mind reeling, I stared at the sight in front of me. Bella was freely crying, the tears pouring down her face so quickly that I didn't even believe she noticed them. Jessica was staring at her, pain and hopelessness etched on her face. I couldn't even understand what I was hearing. Bella had problems with math? That wasn't a big deal, but she believed that I would judge her because of it? Didn't she know me better than that? Hurt filled me, but I shoved it back, much better equip to dealing with the anger I felt. Apparently she didn't know me at all, especially if she thought I wouldn't respect her because of something she couldn't control. I thought she knew me better than that.

Past my anger, my heart still tore at the sight of her face, dripping with tears, hopelessness rivaling Jessica's covering every inch of her heartbreaking face. Jessica, now, just looked sad. "Bella, he can't be a good friend if you hide who you are from him." What Jessica said was true, did Bella not trust me? Had I given her some reason to believe I'd condemn her for this?

She exploded in fury once again, "My inability to do math doesn't define me!"

That seemed to send Jessica over the edge, "It's not even just that! Does he know why you're terrified of thunderstorms yet? Or why you refuse to drive a car and can barely stand the ride in one? Does he know why you almost committed suicide? Does he know that you blame yourself for...?" I knew about the first two, though I didn't know why. But Bella had tried to commit suicide? My stomach hurt, and I thanked whatever gods were out there that she didn't succeed. _What would have driven her to do that?_ Almost as soon as I thought the question, I knew the answer. _The crash. _The crash that had killed her mother and almost killed her. The crash that had scarred her physically and mentally. She'd never come right out and talked about it but I'd gathered enough information just from what she shouted out in her sleep before I could wake her up. And the last sentence, before Bella had cut her off had she been going to say that Bella blamed herself for the crash? Why?

I hated this, she'd become one of my best friends in barely two weeks, but even in that short time I had thought that I'd known her, but now I realize that I barely knew anything. It was lowering to think someone was so open with you and then figure out they were holding everything important back from you. It hurt like hell, and I didn't know how to deal with it.

"ENOUGH!" she yelled, but then the fight in her seemed to disappear. "Jess, I appreciate your help but I'll tell him when I'm ready."

This was it. This was what was going to prove if she really trusted me or not. My gut was in knots and I took a deep breath. Barely able to keep the anger out of my gaze, from her lack of faith in me, I let them know I was there. "Why not just tell me now?'

Both girls jumped, and Bella's tear streaked face met mine. I could see the shock, the embarrassment, and the pain in her face as I worked to keep the emotion off of mine, though I know I didn't succeed. I couldn't believe that she didn't trust me, that she thought I would make fun of her because of her apparent inability to do math. Everything hurt, her lack of faith was only one factor. But what hurt the most was that this stricken, tormented angel had gone through everything herself.

Jessica, as I saw her in the corner of my eye, was biting her lip, obviously unsure of whether to stay or to go. I slowly took a step farther into the room, my eyes never leaving Bella's face. "Will you talk to me, baby?" A sob broke free from her, and she buried her face in her hands. Quickly, I strode forward, ignoring Jessica, focused on my poor little angel. I knelt in front of her, gently cupping her face. "Bells," I whispered, pressing a kiss to her hair.

I heard Jessica moving quietly behind me, and then her hand reached past me to touch Bella's shoulder. "I'm going to get going, B, if that's okay with you." Bella looked up, tear tracks covering her face and still flowing. She nodded, mouthing more than whispering the words "Thanks, Jess."

I barely noted the dorm room door opening and closing, I was so concentrated on Bella. Picking her up before sitting down and curling her on my lap, I proceeded to press soothing kisses against her hair and forehead. "Baby," I whispered, "you've got to stop crying, it's only going to make it worse." But this, of course, caused her to cry even harder, her face pressed against my chest, drenching my shirt. As gently as I could, I stood with her in my arms, and carried her into the bathroom, where I grabbed a washcloth, wet it with cool water, and setting her on the sink, I dabbed it against her face. She kept her eyes closed, no longer sobbing, but the silent tears were just as heartbreaking. I softly pressed the cloth to her burning eyes as she opened her mouth and drew in a calming breath. As I pulled back, she opened her eyes.

Her chocolate eyes made me want to cry. There was so much pain and uncertainty filling them that I just wanted to pull her into my arms and never let her go. The first thing she said to me was, "I'm so sorry, Edward."

"Oh Bella," I gave into the urge and wrapped my arms around her. Picking her up easily, I walked back to the couch and sat down, gently pushing the hair stuck to her face, back behind her ears. "Honey, if you don't want to tell me, then you don't have to. I just want to make it easier for you, but I don't know how to do that right now."

I waited a moment, just gently rocking her, before she spoke. Her voice was hoarse, whispery. "It's not that I don't want to tell you," she hesitated, "I just don't know how."

I decided to help her, start with the easiest. "You have trouble with math? Have you always had the problem or when did it start?"

She refused to look at me, just kept staring ahead. "After the crash, when I started getting the migraines. I took a long time off school, to recover from the surgeries. It was hard to catch up with everything when I went back to school but I did. All besides math. It seemed like every time I looked at even the most basic equation, my brain would shut down and start pounding. The doctors didn't know what caused it, they just said it was probably stress induced and I should just wait a while for them to go away." She stopped, her voice and body shaking. I fought to keep myself from interrupting and just hurt with her. "But I waited for years and they hadn't gone away. They thought I had a tumor in my brain or some maybe some injury from the crash that was overlooked, but the CAT scans came up normal. They couldn't find any logical, medical reason for them."

Once she'd started talking, she seemed to be calming down, the words flowed out smoother. "It wasn't only math that could trigger them. Sometimes the most basic things do. A certain beat in a song, a raised voice."

Regret was filling me, "Like when I yelled at you."

Her voice was soft when she answered, "Yes, but it's not your fault. I'd already been stressed out which didn't help the situation much."

I sighed, hating myself, "Stressed out because of me."

She finally looked up at me, her chocolate eyes meeting my own. "It's not your fault, Edward, if not you, than something else would have triggered them." Closing my eyes, unable to meet her, I was overcome with remorse. A soft hand touched my face, "Edward, it's not your fault."

Bitterly, I opened my eyes once again, "I yelled at you, Bella, I took out my anger on you when it had nothing to do with you, and it caused you pain. I don't want to hurt you." Her fingertips gently rubbed my cheek.

"I'm not going to go on if you keep blaming yourself."

I sighed, leaning into her hand and looked at her quietly, waiting for her to continue.

"I went through school in all advanced, college courses besides math. I aced every class they threw at me, but I barely passed Geometry, even with tutoring and all feasible extra credit the teacher could find me. The doctors put me on drug after drug but nothing helped. I've been to so many shrinks that I lost track of how many. Nothing they did helped me."

I knew she had to tell this on her own time, but I had to know. "Jessica said you tried to kill yourself."

She was quiet for a while, thinking. I started to apologize, to tell her she didn't have to talk about it when her voice cut me off. "After nothing else was working, the doctors decided to put me on anti-depressants. It was a few months after the crash, while I was recovering from the surgeries. At first…everyone seemed to think they helped. But," her voice became a stricken whisper, "I couldn't feel anything. My mom had just died and I couldn't even mourn her. I couldn't force myself to feel love for her or grief." Her eyes turned to mine and I flinched at the depths of pain in them. "What kind of a monster was I, that I didn't grieve for my own mother?"

"Oh god, Bella."

Her whisper continued as though I hadn't spoke, "I didn't hate myself," she shook her head, "no, I couldn't feel hate. I didn't really want to die. I just wanted to feel something, anything, even if it was pain that I was feeling." The tears had started again, and horrified, I pulled her closer to me.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." I hated the helplessness in me. I couldn't do anything to help her.

She looked at me, painfully debating something I couldn't comprehend. Finally, she reached down and started rolling up the sleeve to her long-sleeved shirt. Unsure, I watched, not knowing what she was doing until she flipped her arm over and showed me her wrist. Faint scars traced across her vein. Pain, fear and horror lacing through me, I pulled her wrist to me mouth, kissing the scars, wishing I could take the pain away from her.

As I pulled my head up, tears in my eyes, she looked at me uncertainly, "they don't disgust you?"

Again, her train of thought amazed me, brushing the pads of my fingers against her wrist and my lips against her forehead, I chocked out, "Nothing about you could ever disgust me, baby. I hate what you've been through, but you survived, Bells. That's all that matters," I fought the tears and lost, as I felt one slip down my face, "You survived, baby."

She looked at me as though amazing, and reached up, gently tracing the path of the tear. Embarrassed, I buried my face in her hair and I felt her arms wrap around me. My poor beautiful angel. I wanted to take the pain away from her; I wanted to make it better. Time ceased to exist as we sat there, holding each other.

Finally, she started to speak again. "One night Charlie found me, bleeding on the floor of the bathroom. I'd cut too deep and lost consciousness from lack of blood. He rushed me to the hospital where they took me off the anti-depressants. It took almost a month to feel human again. But the look on Charlies face when I woke up made me realize how selfish I was. He'd just lost his wife, and I was threatening to make him loose his daughter too."

"You could never be selfish, Bells, you had been through a lot, you just found a way to cope. He doesn't blame you, he could never blame you, I don't care what he's like. He's your father, honey, he loves you."

"I know he does," she acknowleged quietly. "But it would have been better for him if he didn't."

I didn't know what to say, how could I make this amazing girl realize how amazing she truly was. "Bella," I started slowly.

She cut me off, "Don't, please don't." I sighed, my face buried in her hair, the smell of strawberries envoloping me.

But there was one more thing I had to know, "Why didn't you trust me, baby?" That hurt like hell. She hadn't trusted me to be there for her and to help her through everything. "We haven't known each other very long, but... I thought we trusted each other." I trailed off, I didn't know if I had just seen things that weren't there or not. Had I only imagined the closeness between us?

"I do trust you, Edward, I was just....afraid. I don't want to lose you." she whispered, biting her lip and looked through half shadowed eyes at me.

I closed my eyes, didn't she realize how I felt about her? But then again, I wasn't even sure how I felt, so maybe it was possible that she didn't know I couldn't live without her. I don't know what happened but in the matter of two weeks, this girl had dug herself into my heart and extracting her would be excruciating. "You're never going to lose me, Isabella Marie Swan." I told her, opening my eyes and meeting hers. "Never."

She gave me a small smile, before reaching to wipe the tears off of her face. I beat her too it, gently wiping them away with my thumbs as I smiled down at her. Giving a small embarrassed laugh, she turned her head away slightly. "Hey, none of that. No hiding, no being embarrassed, K?" She glanced at me, hesitantly, before turning back, hugging me and kissing me on the cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered in my ear.

"No problem. I'll always be here for you, baby." We sat quietly, with her curled up in my lap until with both fell asleep, full of stress and fear of trust but also the relief of not being alone anymore, and hope that whatever we had would last.

**I'm not sure whether I transitioned Edward to fast in this or not. :/ Is he…too caring?? :S Please let me know what you think. This is probably my favorite chapter so far and I'm hoping my readers will enjoy it too. **

**I think this laptop is giving me third degree burns on my legs, so I'm off. Hope you liked the chapter, and pretty please tell me what you think of it! *does a dance and points at the review button* **

**Oh and I just want to mention that you guys all rock! Thanks for the support, reviews are like candy. =] Well, besides for the fact that too many of them won't make me sick. ; ) Ahh man, no caffeine and no sleep is getting to me, I'm getting off for real this time. Adios! **


	17. AN

I'm sorry for the lack of an actual update but I have something to say right now.

If you want to give me criticism, that's fine. Actually, I want people to criticize my writing and stories, I welcome it. But what pisses me off is when people leave messages that have nothing to do with the story. My life is no concern of yours. Who I am, is of no concern to you. I find it sad that people feel the need to leave insulting messages for me just because I write and read Twilight fanfiction. I understand that not everyone likes Twilight, great, no problem, I didn't force you to read my stuff. But if you don't like it, then why enter a Twilight fanfiction story, just to leave derogatory comments? Are you really lacking a life that much? If you don't like Twilight, fine just leave me alone. Don't go combing the Twilight fanfictions looking for something to report.

Just to clear this up; if a story of mine is marked "M" then there is a reason. SoAaL isn't complete yet, there will be mature themes later in the story, which is why it is marked "M" in the first place. There is no point to say you're going to report me, just out of spite for Twilight.

If you don't like Twilight, then do not willingly search out for it. I did not force you to go to my profile or read my stories. Stop being fucking assholes. More and more, it seems, the fanfiction community is just becoming spiteful jerks who get their thrills from aggravating others. I've honestly considered more than once just taking my profile down and writing for myself as I see complete idiocy from fanfiction users, not just towards myself but towards others too.

Maybe I'm overreacting but people like that just piss me off.

I know that everyone on Fanfiction isn't like this, and I want to thank everyone who has reviewed my stories and messaged me that honestly just wanted to read fanfiction. I appreciate everything you guys have done and you are what is keeping me from completely forsaking the fanfiction community.


	18. Chapter Sixteen

***takes a deep breath* Thank you for all of the support, I took a short[long], needed break from the story, due to my personal life drama as much as due to the annoyance at jerks. Completing this story is still a goal of mine, I had only questioned where I was going to finish it, not if. Currently I have decided to continue writing this on fanfiction. If for some reason in the future I decide to change locations I will inform you of where. *takes another deep breath***

**I've started my "1 of 4" stories, basically I posted the summaries of 4 different stories I've been thinking of and whichever one receives the most reviews will be the most frequently updated after SoAaL. They won't affect the updating of this story though, it just helps me when I don't write one story constantly and I can mess around with other things in between. **

**Oh and….**

**I love that little alert in the right hand bottom corner of the screen that pops up to tell me I have reviews 3333**

**Sorry updating took so long. **

**Chapter Sixteen**

BPOV

Edward smelled amazing. That was the first coherent thought I had after I had woken up after my emotional breakdown. A few things ran through my head after that; about how understanding he is, and how much I'm grateful to him. But the fact that he smelled amazing was definitely first. I wasn't sure what he smelled like, I was trying to sniff him without broadcasting the fact that I was, but whatever it was was good.

I was trying to ignore the moment that had to come, when we talked about what had just happened. It was inevitable, but I wasn't sure I wanted it to happen. I'd opened up an enormous amount to him, part of me was scared that he would be disgusted of me after what I revealed, but he continued to keep his arms around me and rock me.

"So," I said casually, "where do we go from here?"

He tucked hair behind my ear as he looked down at me, "I propose that, we go to the fridge, get ice cream and then watch another movie. That is, unless you want to talk more."

"Uhm, I'm good with the ice cream idea."

He laughed, unwrapping his arms to allow me to stand, "That's what I figured."

We got ice cream and made popcorn after arguing for 10 minutes about that fact that he wanted to put parmesan cheese on the popcorn. I finally allowed him to do it and promised to try it. About halfway through Princess's Bride, I finally tried it. It wasn't that bad, I actually liked it, not that I told him that I did. I didn't want his ego to get any bigger than it already was though I'm pretty sure he knew. [a.n. try this, its amazing]

I didn't remember much of the movie afterwards, it was some old cowboy flick that Edward picked out. Once it ended I just lay curled up in his arms soaking in the serenity of the moment. He seemed content to just be with each other as the credits silently rolled down the screen. After what had to have been over half an hour, he pressed a kiss to my forehead and I looked up to see him staring solemnly down at me. I brushed my fingers across his frown, "What's wrong?"

He shook his head and continued to look at me. Suddenly becoming uncertain, I studied his expression. Was he regretting making me tell him? I hated this, not know what he was thinking. Sometimes being able to read minds sounded amazing. I bit my lip, continuing to watch his expression. He finally sighed and closed his eyes before opening his mouth, reluctantly.

"When I was eight, my mother killed herself." Speechless, all I could do was stare at him. What was he doing? Why was he telling me this? "After that, my dad went crazy. He started drinking, doing drugs… he blamed me for her suicide. She never wanted any kids." He paused for a moment and I finally realized what he was doing.

"Edward, you really don't have to do this. Just because I told you that doesn't mean that—" he cut me off.

"I'm not doing this because I think I have to, Bella. I'm doing this because I want to, because you're my friend and I trust you. Do you want to hear this?" He kept looking at me until I nodded. If he needed to tell me this, then I was more than willing to listen. Taking a deep breath, he began again. "From what my real grandparents told me, she had always been depressed but I just seemed to push her over the edge. Maybe it was my fault," he held up a hand, forestalling my indignant response. "I don't know, I'll never know but after she died, my dad hated me. All of the guilt he held over her death was transferred to me. I was no better than dirt on the bottom of his heel and whatever I got I deserved. Every kick, every hit." My eyes were wide and I know that my mouth was wide open, but I couldn't help it. Blaming a little boy for the death of his mother? What kind of animal was Edward's father?

He must have seen the rage on my face because a slight smile spoiled the pained expression he'd been carrying and he hugged me closer. "Ah, Bells." He sighed, his head resting on top of my own. I struggled to contain my anger and something must have warned Edward of this because he picked his head up and looked at me. "Do you really want me to keep going?" What else had his father done to him? I nodded, trying to control my expression but I must have done a pretty bad job at it because Edward smiled ruefully and shook his head. "I think we should leave it at that for now."

I pulled out of his arms, slightly, he instinctively tightened them before, with obvious reluctance, releasing me. Scowling at him, I folding my arms across my chest and glared. His face was completely perplexed and under better circumstances, probably would have made me burst out laughing. But laughter was far from my mind now as I studied him. Why had he stopped? Did he just not want to tell me? I had no right trying to make him tell me if he didn't want to. My anger at him for stopping faded and insecurely, I looked away from him. "Bells," he said softly, cupping my face, "What's wrong?"

Biting my lip, I shook my head and forced a smile. "I think I'm going to go call Jess, I promised her that I would later."

He grabbed my arm as I pulled even farther away, "Wait, Bells, what's wrong?"

My lips aching with my fake smile, I shook my head, "Nothing, I just should probably call her soon. I'm pretty tired still."

He didn't look at all convinced but he let me go, frowning as I turned around. I fled to my bedroom, where I closed the door and threw myself down onto my bed. Staring at the ceiling, I let all of my insecurities take me. He'd started telling me his story because he had felt obligated; he didn't really want to tell me. He'd realized that, after he'd started. Edward didn't really want me to know about him, he just felt bad for me. I felt tears leaking out of the corner of my eyes, why had I broken down and told him? I'd obviously pushed our relationship past a line and even though he'd been comforting, he was reluctant to let it stay past the line. He was perfectly fine with being my friend without us knowing dirty secrets about each other.

I couldn't figure out why I was being so emotional. So what if he doesn't want me to know about his past? Had I pushed our friendship too far? Why had I ever told him what had happened to me? Any nice guy would have sat and listened if a girl was crying, not necessarily because he wanted to know. That was all Edward felt about me, obligation and possibly pity. I needed something, anything to escape. Studying my cell phone, I made a choice and dialed.

Twenty minutes later, I was dressed and putting on makeup. I avoided my eyes in the mirror, I wasn't proud of what I was going to do, but I need to get away. I needed to forget. Taking a deep breath, bracing myself for possible questions, I opened my door and walked quickly to the front door. Edwards own bedroom door opened as I took my first steps towards escape. "Bella?" He took in my outfit and his mouth tightened. "Where are you going?"

Dry mouthed, I swallowed nervously, "To Jess's"

His eyebrows raised and he gestured towards me, "Wearing that?" I glanced down at myself. I'd thrown on a pair of skinny jeans and a pair of flat boots that Jess had given me for my birthday last year. My shirt was striped red and black and over it I wore a short, black leather jacket.

Faking a confidence that I didn't have, I shrugged. "Sure, what's wrong with it?" He didn't answer, just stared at me with an un-readable expression on his face. Nervous laughter burst from me and I quickly rolled my eyes to cover it. "I'll be back later sometime probably." I headed towards the door once more before his voice stopped me.

"You're fucking joking me right?" I turned to him, his face was disgusted. "You're going to some fucking party to get shit faced." I stared at him, unable to deny what he said. Like I'd said, I wasn't proud of myself for what I was going to do. "What the fuck happened today, Bella? I thought we were O.K."

I so did not want to do this. I just wanted to get away. Forcing another smile, "We are O.K., I'm just going to go hang out with my best friend, it's got nothing to do with us."

"Nothing to do with us? God, all of the stories are fucking true, aren't they? Well, it does have to do with us, I don't want a fucking slut, drunk roommate." I gaped at him, it hurt. It fucking hurt a lot. I fought back tears as I stood there, staring at him. Despite everything that had happened since we met each other, he still believed the rumors. What happened to the caring guy who'd whispered it would be O.K. to me? In front of me, this wasn't him. I hadn't even done anything yet and he already hated me. For all he knew, I was just going to Jess's to talk. Glancing down at my outfit, I realized that it was pretty obvious I was going somewhere else, but did he have to jump to the conclusion so quickly? What right did he have to fucking judge me? Maybe I was going to get drunk, but I was NOT a slut, and he had no right to say that to me.

"Fuck you, Edward. I can do whatever the fuck I want." I felt like a child saying that. "I thought you knew me, but now I realize that you're just another asshole who believes everything that he hears. Am I supposed to be thankful that you restrained yourself from attacking me like the others? Sorry if I don't feel very grateful right now. " With that I turned and fled the dorm before I broke down and showed him how much he'd hurt me. I ran to Jessica, ran to comfort, ran to my refuge, ran to my escape.

EPOV

I had no fucking idea what had just happened. I stared blankly at the door Bella had just slammed before dropping down onto the couch. We'd woken up after Bella's confiding in me and everything had been fine. Then I'd made the mistake of mentioning my past to her. I never talked about my past, no one knew the complete story. I'd started because I needed to give her something of myself after everything she'd shared with me, but also because I felt a strange desire to confess everything to her, to hear her cleanse me of everything. I'd stopped myself from telling her and that was when she' d withdrawn. She'd fled to her room and not even half an hour later, she'd come out looking like a fucking goddess.

The clothes, the makeup, everything about her looks had pointed to the fact that she was going out to party. Unmistakable rage had filled me at that point. Two weeks wasn't a long time, I knew that, but I'd felt like I'd known her and I hadn't given the rumors much stock anymore. But seeing her, dressed up to go party, had made them flood back to me. If the rumors about her partying were true, then the ones about her sleeping around must be too, right? Shit, I knew that I overreacted; I knew that I'd gone far over the line, accusing her of being a slut. Most kids in college partied, big deal. The pain in her eyes had ripped at me and I wanted to take my words back instantly. Everything had been so perfect, how had it gone to hell so fast? I buried my face in my hands. There was nothing I could do now, she was gone. I'd have to wait until she returned, but by then it was too late. Emmett and Jasper both partied, so why was it so important to me that Bella didn't? I wanted to be able to connect with her, wanted to have this in common with her.

Fuck. In not even two minutes I had managed to destroy the friendship Bella and I had created. And I didn't know if I could fix it, I just know that it felt like something precious had been ripped away from me and I needed it back.

**:/ I don't know if I like how I wrote this chapter. What do you guys think? **


	19. Chapter Seventeen

***protects face from stones* I know, I know, I'm a complete bitch and it's been forever since I updated, I'm sorry! But here is one exciting fact, I finally got all of the parts I needed to make a computer so I finally actually have my own computer. Here is the long awaited chapter. **

**Chapter Seventeen**

BPOV

I couldn't do it. I'd been sitting here, staring at the shot glass in my hand for the last twenty minutes, trying to get the courage to just down it and forget whatever Edward thought about me. I flinched when I remembered the insults he'd thrown at me as I fled the room. Damn it, I was being a baby on two counts. Boo-hoo, Edward hadn't wanted to tell me everything about himself, big fucking deal. But on the other hand, it's just one fucking shot, big bloody deal. Scowling, I shoved the shot glass away from me.

No. I can't just run to alcohol every time something goes bad. I should have more respect for myself than that, damn it. Ripping my eyes from the glass, I turned to study the room. From where I was sitting at the counter of Jess's dorm, I could see the center of the party that consisted of lots of making out and drunken grinding. Why had I ever participated in these parties? I hadn't had much to do with the raunchier things but I'd been one of those idiotic, stumbling, giggling girls in the corner, killing brain cells.

Why the fuck had I ever thought it was fun? Now that I actually sat and watched the drunken idiots around me, I could only pray that I had been at least a slightly more intelligent drunk than the people surrounding me. I sighed, so absorbed in my self pity that I didn't even notice the guy sitting down next to me until he spoke.

"Bella! I wouldn't have expected to see you here." I glanced up to see Jacob Black had taken the seat closest to me.

I snorted, and bitterly replied, "Oh really? You're probably the only person in this room who shares that opinion then." His mouth opened in confusion but before he could speak I sighed. "Forget it."

His mouth mimicked a fish, opening and closing before he spoke. "You are a truly confusing girl, Bella Swan." His lips tilted upward, "I look forward to unraveling the mystery, that is, if you'll agree to ditch this party and go on a walk with me?"

Tilting my head sideways, I studied him. It was just Jake, I knew him. Going for a walk with him would be much less dangerous than staying here with these drunken morons. I slipped off of my seat at the counter and looked at him expectantly. He grinned, and motioned me to follow him as he walked out the door.

As we stepped out into the cool night air and I glanced at my companion; tall, dark and sexy, I felt my edginess and stress slip away. Maybe tonight wouldn't end as badly as I thought.

EPOV

Pacing back and forth restlessly was probably not the most calming thing to do when you're worried. She wasn't back yet. I had driven her away, I had destroyed the fragile trust and friendship we had managed to create. Glancing at the clock only increased my frustration. There was nothing I could do until she returned. Hell, there was probably nothing I could do even after she returned, if she was as drunk as I expected. I forced my judgments to the back of my mind. I had no right to judge her. Where was she? Shouldn't she be back by now? I looked at the clock again, 1:34 a.m. Where was she?

BPOV

With a smile, I let myself into my dorm, shutting the door behind me and leaning against it. Jake was so nice and funny and thoughtful but... I don't know. Something was missing. _He's not Edward. _ I shoved that thought away from me the moment I entertained it. Edward is off limits, he's my roommate, not to mention he probably despises me now. _Forget Edward; Jacob, think Jacob. _I tried, I really did. But whenever I imagined Jacob, Edward would always appear in front of him, blocking the view.

With a sigh, I pushed myself off of the door and made my way, in the dark, towards my door. I felt my way, running along the couch for support when I tripped over something hard. I fell onto where the couch was supposed to be, but it was replaced by something much harder that delivered and "Oomph" when I landed on it and it grabbed me. For a second, I was frozen, enjoying the feel of the hard, muscled body beneath me. I savored the feel for a moment before... "What's wrong? Too fucking drunk to walk straight?" Then I heard him curse and for a split second, I swear I felt his arms tighten around me before they released me. "Shit, I swore I wasn't going to do that." As I scrambled off of him, I felt him take a deep breath, then with his voice, softer, gentler, he spoke again, "Come on, Bells, I'll help you get to your room. For as much as it matters right now, I'm sorry."

Before I could speak, he had my hand enveloped in his own and was gently leading me towards the direction of my door. I didn't know how he could see but at the moment I didn't care. I stopped, "Come on, Bells, almost there and then you can sleep it off."

"Edward! I'm not drunk."

He stopped pulling on my hand, but kept it enclosed in his own. "You're not?"

"No, I didn't even have a single drink at all." He was quiet, I got the feeling that he was trying to see me but couldn't. Part of me hated the fact that I felt that I needed to assure him I didn't drink, it was my right. How dare he try to tell me what to do? Forget the fact that I actually agreed with him. It was a matter of pride. I felt slightly childish, doing something that I didn't want to do just because I was told not to.

"It's fucking dark in here." Abruptly, his hand released mine and I heard him moving around. A piercing bright light hit me, and while blinded, I squinted in the direction of the light switch, only able to see the outline of Edward before my eyes finally adjusted. He looked like hell. His hair was more mussed than his average sex-hair look and his clothes were rumpled and crushed. He was studying me, like he didn't believe me.

"You really aren't drunk." It wasn't a question this time, but a statement that sounded amazed.

I scowled at him, "Would it be your business if I was?"

He opened his mouth, angrily, before sighing and visibly deflating. "No," he spoke quietly, "It wouldn't be." I gaped at him, what was up with this complete change of standpoint? His voice continued softly, "I'm sorry for everything, Bella, for overreacting and yelling at you, for what I called you. I was just being a jerk and..." he paused. "I'm really sorry. Your personal life is none of my business." My self righteous anger was no where to be found as I gazed on his meek face.

I sighed, just tired, but he deserved an explanation for how I acted, "Edward, I used to drink, I admit it. I hate it, but... I always ran back to it when something went wrong and I felt like I needed my fix, the thing that makes everything better. I quit, I really did, for a while. But it felt like I was giving into you and I didn't want to let you control me even superficially so I rebelled. I don't want to drink, I don't want to be like that anymore." I fought as hard as I could against the threatening tears. I had cried more since I met Edward than I had in my entire life.

I felt his palm gently cradle my face and tilt it upwards to meet his piercing eyes. "How about this, we agree that I have no right to tell you not to do it and you agree not to do it because you don't want to?"

I gave him a watery smile, my voice hoarse, "Agreed."

"Are we really okay this time?" He seemed anxious, troubled.

"Yeah, we really are okay." He smiled and once again I was struck by how beautiful he was and how completely opposite he was from me. Then almost instantly, out of nowhere, incredible weariness flooded me. It all finally hit me, my fight with Edward, even though it was resolved, my self loathing of my choices in the past, the nightmares I'd had every night, stopping me from getting a good nights rest. I just wanted to lay down and never have to move again. He must have noticed how tired I was, because despite the fact he knew I was sober, he continued to lead me to my room like a child.

Once in there, I began to methodically pull off my clothes, struggling with the buttons on my jacket. Noticing my dilemma, Edward gently pulled my hands away and began to quickly unbutton the jacket for me with his nimble fingers. Once I was free of that, without a thought, I began pulling off my shirt, too tired to be embarrassed or self conscious about Edward being in the room. Not that he watched, he quickly turned his back as I fumbled around and yanked everything off, pulling on a big shirt and pair of panties.

I must have mumbled something when I was finished because Edward turned around and helped me into bed, pulling the covers over me. I closed my eyes and felt him press a kiss to my forehead, heard him begin to walk away. Somehow I found the strength to resist the need to pass out, and I opened my eyes and called out to him. "Wait, Edward." Though my voice was barely a whisper, he came back and knelt down beside me. "Please don't leave me. If you leave I'll have nightmares." I was trembling, I didn't want to close my eyes and see death again.

He must have seen something in my face, because he whispered, "I won't leave you, Bells, I'm right here." and he climbed into bed next to me, on top of the covers, but he still wrapped his arms around me. Very softly, he began to hum to me, and in my head, my moms voice sang along with the melody. And like that, for the first time in weeks, resting against Edwards chest while he hummed a lullaby, I fell asleep without nightmares.

.

**Here's the largest author's note ever, reading it is not required but it's supposed to be explanatory. **

**Part of my excuse of why this took so long is the fact that I completely rewrote it a million times because nothing seemed to fit right. I wanted this chapter to resolve the fight. I know it's short, especially after the long wait, I'm sorry. **

**The other part is that life has just been hectic as hell lately and everything is so fucking crazy... I went from having a every new chapter planned out instantly to writing and deleting because I fucking hated everything I typed. I hope that you guys like this chapter more than I do, I don't really know what bothers me so much about it. **

**I had written the entire scene of Bella and Jake's walk but I didn't like the way it fit into the story so I left it out. I hope you guys don't hate it without that.**

**I know I've started a ton of stories recently, but that's because I have a million ideas in my head and I want to get them down while I can. I keep putting the idea there because I really want to see which stories people believe are worth continuing and which aren't, so reviews even if they just say "I like this one." or "def. not this one" are greatly appreciated.**

**I have no idea whats going on with my writing this story right now; I have so many ideas in my head but I can't seem to get them down.**

**Any thoughts? Comments? Want to give me some suggestions, tell me what you dislike?**


	20. Chapter Eighteen

**Writers block disappeared and gave me this. It depressed me because even if I don't own the Twilight characters, in this story they feel like my own and I hurt with them. Is that corny or what? You'll understand soon. **

**Chapter Eighteen**

**EPOV**

She was finally awake. I'd lain here for a few hours just watching the minutes pass on the digital clock on Bella's bedside table and thinking. But now, I'd felt her body tense up slowly and her breathing ease out of the rhythmic pattern it had taken while she slept. While I'd held her, I'd been trying to accept the inevitable. That I owed Bella an explanation. I buried my face in her neck as I started. I didn't want to see her face as I told her everything.

"I reacted so badly to the thought of you drinking because my birth father was an alcoholic." Her body went entirely stiff, signaling that she really was awake and coherent enough to understand what I was saying. "When my birth parents met, he was a rich, handsome, successful business man and she was a beautiful, shallow, gold digger that was 20 years younger than him. For both of them, everything was about image. What you owned, how you looked. They stayed married for almost five years, I guess you could say that they were happy. My dad had his mistresses and a blonde bombshell on his arms for anything public while she had limitless money to blow and pool boys. But then everything went downhill when she found out that she was pregnant. She didn't tell him, and tried to get an abortion, but somehow he found out and stopped her. He needed a heir."

My voice was bitter, I couldn't stop it. That was the only reason he had stopped her from having the abortion. Bella was unbelievably tense, I pulled back slightly and started massaging her shoulders. I felt her take a deep breath like she was going to say something but I stopped her. I couldn't deal with her sympathy or pity right now, I just needed to tell it and be done with.

"She was livid. A baby wasn't on her agenda, babies need love and someone to take care of them. They would ruin her body. She wasn't prepared for that but he forced her to follow through with the pregnancy, had her watched at all times because he didn't trust her not to take matters into her own hands. When I was born, she made no effort to conceal the fact that she believed it was my fault that her body was ruined, younger men no longer found her attractive. She took great pleasure in trying to pay me back for being born." I gave a humorless laugh and Bella remained silent in my arms, the incredible stiffness in her body the only sign that she was actually awake.

"From the moment I could walk, my father attempted to groom me for success. Anyone who was overly nice to me, or in his words "coddled" me was gone. Caring, to him, was a sign of weakness that he wouldn't allow me to develop. The majority of my childhood was a blur of stern nannies and loathing from my birth mother. The only thing that stopped me from being as fucked up as him was Ms. McGuire." I smiled, remembering her gray, cropped hair and the lollipops she always had given me. "She was the most special, amazing women I've ever known." I lapsed into silence, remembering the woman who had shaped me, who had been the only real family I had known then.

Bella's voice entered the silence, for the first time since I started my story, she spoke, "What happened to her?"

Grief clogged my throat and wet my eyes "She died, she had a heart attack arguing with my father about something. Me, most likely. After her was Mrs. Thomey, my father's vengeance for having the indecency to care about something. But she was gone after my father found out that she'd known about my mother's pregnancy."

"Pregnancy? But I thought that she didn't show up until after you were born?"

I forced a laugh, "Not her pregnancy with me. The pregnancy she killed herself over." Bella's gasp summed up everything. "She knew he would stop her if she tried to abort the baby and my father had already lost an enormous sum of money in a failed investment, he was unable to support her previous lifestyle so she decided that rather than live poor and with another child, she'd end it. Her life and the innocent baby's life." Silence. And then I heard a soft sob. Bella turned to me and I didn't stop her. Her face was wet with tears and disbelief and horror was etched into the lines on her face. I grieved silently, for the unknown baby who would never know love or beauty. I wiped the tears from her cheeks and pressed my forehead against hers, my eyes closed, unable to gaze into her loving, shocked, grief-stricken eyes. The surge of adoration I felt for Bella wasn't unexpected. That she could feel compassion and grief over the death of an unborn child of the past, whose parents she hadn't even known was unbelievable. I could picture her years down the road, with a family and children. Bella could never harm an innocent child, she was too pure, to caring. She would be the exact opposite of my mother, she would be like Esme, my adopted mom.

"Her suicide, the gossip surrounding it and the dropping value of his worth were too much for him to handle and he started drinking, only adding to his downfall. He was violent when he drank, but luckily I ran fast." I smiled, "He did teach me a few things, to always stand back up because if you don't, they'll keep kicking you when you're down."

"Damn it, Edward," her voice broke, "that's not funny."

I sighed, opening my eyes, "I know, but I've learned that finding little things to laugh about makes life easier to bear."

"You were just a baby," she whispered. Jesus, her face looked heartbroken. She looked shattered and I hated that I was the one that gave her a view into the worse part of the world. She'd been through a lot, but she'd never seen the cruelty of humans and the sadism that twisted some people.

I had started this, now I needed to finish it. But it was almost funny in a sick sort of way. I had been dreading telling her this, but now that I had started talking, it was good to get off of my chest. I'd spoken slightly about everything to Carlisle but that was it. Releasing everything and letting someone in, felt like a deep breath after being under water too long. Cleansing, refreshing, invigorating.

"A teacher got suspicious after one too many bruises and called social services, who in turned contacted Carlisle and Esme who were well known for taking in abused children. Finally, broke and humiliated, he agreed to let them adopt me for an enormous sum of money, rather than spend months battling it out in courts. Moving in with them was a dream come true. I had never had much contact with other children, so living with Alice and Emmett was a brand new experience at the time, along with Jasper and Rosalie living across the street. I know you and Rosalie have some feud, that she did something to you, but I can't deny that she was irreplaceable when I moved in with the Cullens, when I became a Cullen. All of them were irreplaceable. Esme and Carlisle gave me a chance to prove myself, they took in a screwed up, little kid, and gave him a chance at a life. I owe them everything."

Bella wiped her tears off onto my chest and I wrapped my arms around her. She sniffled and I smiled, "They sound amazing. I mean, not every couple would want to take in an abused kid, let alone three of them."

"Four," I corrected absentmindedly, running my hand through her hair.

She looked up at me, "Four?"

I smiled at her, feeling lighter and more carefree than I had in a long time. "About a month ago, my parents finalized the adoption of Bree Tanner. She's a sixteen year old, high school student. I haven't spent much time with her yet, but she's a nice girl. Kind of shy and quiet, but nice." I looked down at her and gave her a quirky smile, "Now that I think about it, she reminds me of you, at least," I amended, "When you're not screaming at me." She laughed, but it faded quickly. "What is it?"

"Bree….she's been abused too, hasn't she?"

She was amazing, caring, and one of the sweetest people I've ever met, I decided now. Bella Swan is **nothing **like what I had believed her to be. "She wasn't so much as abused as misled. She didn't know better and someone took advantage of it. But my parents believe in second chances."

She nodded solemnly, "Everyone deserves a second chance"

I glanced at her, "Even me? I flipped out, Bells, I'm sorry. Will you give me a second chance? A chance to be your friend."

She rolled her still damp eyes, "I thought we already decided this."

"Well, sort of, you never actually said straight out 'I forgive you.' I just want to make sure."

She touched my cheek, "I forgive you, alright?"

I smiled and kissed her forehead, "Thank you." I heard her sigh, "What is it now?" I teased.

"We should probably get up sometime today."

"Nah, neither of us have classes today, so we're good."

She laughed, "I'll feel lazy if we stay in bed all day," I watched her face turn red, "And now I realize how weird that sounds, get out of my bed!" She jokingly pushed me towards the edge and I wrapped my arms around her waist not budging. Once she'd stopped, I relaxed my grip slightly, but didn't let go of her completely.

A light bulb appeared. "Let's go somewhere, do something."

She tilted her head at me, "Go where?"

I shrugged, "Does it really matter? We're going to have fun regardless, we always have fun together."

She smiled, "That's true, at least when we're not yelling at each other, but you're going to have to let me up."

I gave a mock sniffle as I released her. She kissed my forehead and cheeks before standing up and regarding me solemnly, in her Hello Kitty T-shirt that trailed halfway down her thighs, where bare leg spread out of her shirt. I stifled a groan. "Edward," her voice was soft again.

"Bells?"

"Thank you," she whispered, her eyes growing damp once again, "For telling me, for trusting me."

Hell, if she kept getting this emotional, I might start crying. I got out of the bed and went to her, holding her. "I do trust you, baby. And just so you know, no one outside of my family knows any of that."

She sniffed and burying her head in my neck for another brief moment, before pulling back and shooing me out of her room, claiming she needed to change. After I shut the door behind me, I closed my eyes resting against it. No, Isabella Swan was not what I had expected, she was so much more, she was caring and amazing. She knew when to just let me talk and when it was okay to respond. And the tears in her eyes when I'd told her about my birth mothers suicide had unmanned me. Isabella Swan was one in a million and I was lucky enough to know her. Now I just had to concentrate on not messing up again and losing her.

**I hate it when I write stories where bad things happen to the main characters, even though everything I write is almost like that. But I feel bad for shaping the story around them so they weren't happy. Damn, as I write that, it seems so stupid but it's true. I'm very emotionally involved in my writing. Lol...damn, I sound dumb. Anyways, I know it depresses me, but what do you guys think? I know some of you were waiting for Edward to give her his story and trust her back, so now that it happened what is the census? Did you love it, hate it?**

**And I went back through and reread some stuff and I realized that Edward and Bella never had their post-kiss talk! Well, I might need to fix that sometime in the future! :P **

**And I didn't ever read The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, so "my" Bree will probably be different than the Stephanie Meyer's Bree, but I'm planning on reading that sometime.**

**I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. **

**But really, reviews would totally kick ass! XD**


	21. Chapter Nineteen

**Just when I think people are about to grow up, they revert back into their old bullshit. I'll say this once again, if you don't like Twilight, than stay the hell out of Twilight fanfiction. I have no problem with you not liking Twilight, good for you. But don't give me shit because I write fanfiction. Get a goddamned life.**

**To everyone who actually appreciates my writing, thank you for all of your support. Everyone who reviews is a star in my moonless night. You guys rock! I know I suck at acknowledging people and I never have time to reply to reviews but I just want you guys to know that ever review is appreciated and taken into consideration. I have a serious lack of internet time, so I try to get the updates online while I can because I assume you'd rather have a new chapter than a reply to reviews. **

**Chapter Nineteen**

**BPOV**

I leaned against the door after I had gently pushed Edward out. A few tears dripped down my face as I thought about what his life had been like. He'd just been a baby, how can you blame an innocent baby for being born? I didn't understand how people could be so cruel. I could imagine a little boy with messy hair and shimmering eyes hiding from a drunk stumbling after him. I stiffled a sob and pushed myself away from the door.

I grimaced after looking in the mirror, knowing Edward would know I'd cried after he left. My eyes were red and bloodshot, my hair was a living entity, almost an afro. And I was wearing a ratty Hello Kitty t-shirt. Not exactly how you want to look in front of the guy you have a crush on. I froze in the process of pulling my shirt off my head. The guy I had a crush on? Did I really have a crush on Edward? At first I imagined his messy hair, golden eyes and crooked smile. And while those thoughts made my knees weak, my thoughts trailed to his childhood stories about his siblings and himself. To the hurt, bitter look on his face as he told me about his birth parents. I love our easy comradeship, our inside jokes. I loved the fact that he held me when I was scared, that he kept the blanket his mom had made him when he was little. That he passed notes with me like we were middle schoolers and would watch an occasional chick flick to make me smile. As I thought about him, a small smile started spreading across my face.

Yep, I had a crush on my roommate. But instead of being freaked out about it, like I probably should have been. I was slightly amused and elated. I stripped out of my sleeping clothes and studied my wardrobe with a frown. Nothing I owned was very appealing. I wandering into the bathroom, to hold a cool cloth over my eyes hoping to take away the redness while brushing my teeth. When I finished, I brushed and straightened my hair. I finally decided on a black tank top and some capri's. Studying my reflection in the mirror, I figured it was far better than what I'd looked when I'd woken up. Since Edward had already seen that and hadn't gone running for the hills, what I looked like now was alright.

Flashing myself a smile in the mirror, I left my room to find Edward staring blankly at the off TV. "You know," I teased, "That usually works better when it's actually on." Never, since I moved in with Edward, had I been able to catch him at unawares, but this time he jumped.

He ran a hand through his tousled hair, "Really?" He replied sarcastically, "I didn't realize that."

Trying to keep my face serious, I nodded. "I know, it was mind boggling the first time some told me that." He gave me his crooked smile, that I liked to think was reserved for me.

"So where are we headed?" He asked me.

I stopped a few steps from him, rolling my eyes, "This was your idea, buster, you've got to figure out where we're going."

He pulled me closer to him. "Nuh-uh," he said softly, "Since the first half was my idea, shouldn't the second half be yours?" I reveled in the feel of his hard chest beneath my fingers as I braced my hands on him.

"Nope." I popped my "p" softly, gently stroking my thumbs back and forth on his chest, feeling more daring than ever. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and looking straight at me. My knees went weak; his eyes were deep and glowing. I couldn't read his expression, couldn't say exactly what it was, but it shook me. "It's your choice." My voice sounded husky to my own ears.

"Fine." his voice was deep and rumbling. His hands came up to capture mine and they pressed my own hands harder into his chest. "Why don't we go get ice cream? I could use something to cool me off." A smile spread on my face at that.

"Awww, poor Edward, is he getting all hot and bothered?" I winked at him with a grin. His smile was slower coming, but it lit up all of his features.

His hands slipped from my shoulders and to my hips as he grinned at me and my heart started racing. "Around you? Always." I forced out a laugh, desperately reminding myself to not take him seriously when he was obviously joking.

Rolling my eyes, I said "No amount of sweet talking is going to get you out of deciding what we're going to do." I fought to contain my blush.

"I decided my part," he said exasperatedly. "We're going to get ice cream."

"And that," I poked him in the chest and then winced when there was no give. "isn't going to take all day. We need something to do after the ice cream." He was clearly frustrated with me and I was loving it.

"I'll figure it out then," he muttered. Grasping my hand in his own, he pulled me out the door and into the hallway, taking a moment to lock it behind us. Then we were off, he'd led me to his car before he hesitated and glanced at me. "Why don't we walk? It's not that far away." He'd turned from the car, when I stopped him.

His eyes questioned me. Biting my lip, I said, "No, we can take the car. It's okay."

His eyes studied me, "Are you sure, Bells? Walking is no problem."

"Yeah, I'll be okay," I tried to make my smile reassuring. He continued searching my face before giving in and opening up the passenger door for me. I got in, suddenly shaken and fighting to contain it. I can do this, I can ride in a car like a normal person. It wasn't like I was driving, I was just riding in a car and Edward was a good driver...wasn't he? I pressed my hands into my lap, trying to stop them from shaking. _It happened years ago, Bella. Get over it. _I firmly told myself.

I heard the opposite door open but I restrained myself from looking at it. I averted my face to the window, knowing that if Edward got a look at my face, he'd probably refuse to drive the car anywhere and insist that we walk. I could do this. It was just one short car ride. I could almost feel Edwards gaze burning into the back of my head as I stared out the window, hands clasped in my lap. I gasped and jumped, instinctively looking at him when I felt his hand connect with mine. He gave me a small, sad smile and held my hand steady in his. "Ready?"

I knew what he was asking and I could deal with it. I nodded slowly and he removed his hand from mine to pull out of the space but returned it when we were on the road. Closing my eyes seemed preferable to watching the blur of the college go by. His hand was my center. It held me steady where I was and the feel of his hand in mine gave me something to concentrate on. I'd been in cars since the accident but they normally ended in me hyperventilating and crying. This was the reason that Charlie usually came to visit me instead of me going down to visit him. "Bells." I heard Edward say softly. "We're here." I peeked my eyes open to see the small ice cream shop and notice that the car was parked and no longer moving.

I glanced at Edward who was looking at me with fierce intensity. Blushing, I realized how much of an idiot he probably thought I was. Having to close my eyes to stand being able to ride in car. Avoiding his gaze, I pulled my hand from his and opened my door, slowly getting out and making sure my feet were firmly on the ground. I heard his door slam and keeping my eyes on the ground, watched as his converse came into view. His hand came up and gently cupped my chin, dragging my eyes to his. "I'm so proud of you, Bella." He hugged me gently for a few moments before pulling back, keeping a hold on my hand and pulling me to the ice cream shop. I heard the buzz of life around us, car motors whizzing past, a honk in the distance, the voices of families sitting on the grass outside of the shop. It was strangely settling, just to listen.

"How can I help you?" I jerked at the sound of an unknown voice right in front of me and gripped Edwards hand tighter for a moment until I realized that it was the person running the shop. Blushing furiously, "Errr," I glanced at Edward, "What are you getting?"

His eyes skipped to the menu nailed to the shop and then back to the employee. "How about just a chocolate waffle cone? Bells?"

"Um, a cookie dough regular cone?" It came out as a question. I reached into my pocket to pull out my money when Edward rolled his eyes at me and handed his own money to the man. "Edward, I can pay for my own!" I tried, unsuccessfully to hand him the money but he refused.

"Ice cream was my idea, Bells; I get to pay for it."

I scowled at him, deciding that I'd put it in his room later that night. He must have read my eyes. "Nuh-uh, Bella, this is my treat."

I took the cone from the man, muttering a "thank you" to Edward, still peeved that he wouldn't take my money. He laughed unconcerned next to me. "I decided where we can go next," he said suddenly. Raising an eyebrow, I glanced at him. "It's this place I found last year, it's beautiful. As far as I can tell, no one else knows about it. Sound good to you?"

I shrugged, licking the dripping ice cream off of my fingers. I glanced up in time to see Edward's eyes following my tongue. Considering it, I hadn't considered the action to be erotic, but suddenly I could feel it stroking along the nerves in my finger. Flushing, I jerked my hand away from my mouth. I watched, almost in slow motion as he grabbed the same hand and held it in his own after I transferred the ice cream. He flashed a quirky grin at me before we got into the car.

I was too absorbed in thinking about the way Edward had been staring at my hand that it distracted me most of the ride and we arrived with minimal tears. He'd parked the car at the end of some trail in the middle of the woods surrounding the city. I frowned. It was pretty but nothing that I hadn't seen in Forks. He grinned at me, reading my mind. "We've got to walk a ways to get there." I gave him a slight frown at that thought. "I could always carry you." He said, giving me a sly look.

I snorted loudly. "As if. Like you could carry me."

His frown rivaled mine. "You weigh a whole two pounds, Bella."

I burst into laughter. "You're only about a hundred and ten off."

He glared at me, obviously not finding it as funny as I did. "Bella, I could bench press you and not break into a sweat."

Raising my eyebrow, I replied, "Then you must be Superman."

Rolling his eyes and grinning at me, he said "Benching 112 isn't hard, babe, but if you want to think I'm Superman then go ahead."

I laughed, shaking my head at him before turning to the woods behind us. "So where is this amazing place?"

He led me through the woods about a mile, taking my hand when there was a log to jump over or a rough spot. The entire way there he kept up the commentary, cracking jokes and keeping me laughing. When we finally arrived, my breath was taken away, the laughter bursting from my lungs in a gasp. "Oh my god," I breathed out.

The woods opened up into a small meadow that was the most breathtaking sight I'd ever seen, unless I counted waking up to Edwards face. There was a small stream flowing through the center, bubbling as it traveled. A few flowers still survived through the fall, giving splashes of color.

"If you think this is amazing, wait until next spring. The entire place goes into bloom and it looks like a paint canvas, flowers everywhere." I continued to gape at the scenery in front of me. With a small, knowing smile, Edward sat down on the grass and pulled me towards him. We lay down side by side, our heads and hands almost touching, just lying in silence taking in the wilderness.

"This is beautiful," I whispered, turning my head toward his, our noses almost touching. "Thank you for bringing me here."

He stared into my eyes, the golden streaks brightening, almost flaming. "Bella," he whispered, his voice rough and gravely. My breath caught in my throat. "Bells, Bells." He leaned forward, our lips almost touching. Our eyes still open and locked, I could see the flashes of emotion he experienced. Desire and hesitance taking the forefront. With a curse that made me jump, he jerked back and sat up. I lay stunned on the ground, just blinking trying to figure out what I did wrong. As I sat up, I put my hands on his shoulders, flinching with hurt as he tensed.

"Edward…"

"I can't do this, Bella."

**I'll save you my millions of excuses. I suck, I know. I'll try and update faster but everything is starting up again and it's frustrating. Not to mention a million books have come out recently that I need to read. The Black Prism by Brent Weeks being next on the list. Come on, raise of hands, who here thinks Brent Weeks is a fucking genius? Huh? Dang, well, it's a Twilight forum so the genres are different but I guess I just read everything. **

**And has anyone else noticed how I suck at dialogue? Any suggestions for that? **


	22. Chapter Twenty

**You all are awesome. :) 'Nuff said. **

**Chapter Twenty**

One second everything was perfect, I was kissing Bella, her lips soft and delicious, yielding underneath mine. And then my mind started functioning properly again. This was Bella! My amazing friend, my roommate, the girl who in a matter of weeks had weaseled herself into my heart and captured my brain. I couldn't mess this up with her again. I'd fucked up too many times with her to do it once again, no matter how much I loved kissing her.

I gathered everything I possibly could and I pulled myself away from her, cursing at my idiocy. I pushed myself up, staring at the scenery around us, not even seeing. Flinching when Bella's hand touched me, I felt like the worlds biggest heel when she whispered "Edward..." questioningly.

"I can't do this, Bella." There, I said it point blank. I forced myself to look at her, the hurt and confusion laced her eyes.

"Okay," she said slowly, "What just happened?" I just shook my head, unable to go organize my thoughts, just knowing that I'd done the right thing, but cursing myself for doing it. "So... you kissed me, right? Or was that just wishful thinking on my part?" She gave a small laugh, bumping my shoulder with her own when I didn't reply. Heaving a great sigh, she said, "Does this mean you're just going to ignore me until I go away? You forgot to factor in that you led me here and I have no idea how to get back to the car, let alone the fact that I couldn't drive it when I got there, even if I had the keys. Sorry to let you know, but you're stuck with me for the time being."

I looked at her, unable to let her continue thinking this way. "I don't want you to go away, Bells." I told her softly. "In fact, that part of the reason that I can't do this. You mean to much to me to mess this up just because I'm attracted to you." I said honestly. "You're my friend. I don't want to lose you."

She looked at me sadly. "You're right," she whispered, looking away. All of her quiet humor dissipating. "It would be weird," she spoke almost entirely to herself.

"Bella," I said, desperate to return her to her cheerful mood. Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her into my embrace, burying my nose into her hair. "We're still friends. Nothing can change that."

She pulled back smiling. "You're right. Nothing can stop us from being friends."

With a contented sigh, I lay back on the grass with her, taking in the beautiful place surrounding us until the sun started setting.

We got back to our dorm around 9 p.m. We both had classes tomorrow, but neither of us were willing to go to sleep. Sitting on the couch, watching reruns of Friends, we wasted away the time. It was mutual agreement when we finally stood up and silently went into our separate rooms. As soon as I shut my door, I sat in front of my keyboard, the music that had been playing in my head all day flowing out of my fingers. With Bella's image in my eyes, the melody spewed forth faster than I could play. A soft knock jolted me out of my trance and I looked to the door to see Bella sticking her head through.

She gave me a hesitant smile, peeking her head in a little bit more. "I can't get to sleep, do you mind if I sit in here and watch you play?" I hesitated. I'd never really let anyone outside of my family see me play even though it was my dream.

I tried to push that thought out of my head as I smiled at Bella. That was stupid, my only dream was to become a doctor like Carlisle. "Of course. I mean, it's not anything special, but if you want to listen that's fine with me."

She smiled at me, "I finally get to see you in action instead of having to listen to you through the walls." She stopped for a moment and then blushed. "That sounded a little stalkerish, didn't it?"

I laughed, "A little bit, but that's okay."

I started to play again, a little nervous with Bella sitting next to me. Starting with a song I'd composed a few years ago, I let the music take me away. Throughout the entire song I was extremely conscious of Bella's warm body pressed against my side. When the last notes still echoed in the air and my fingers still rested on the keys, Bella turned to me. "That was amazing. What was it?"

"Esme's song." It'd been the first thing I'd written and Esme had fallen in love with it, so I dedicated it to her.

"Wait!" Her eyes were wide and astonished. "Esme's song? As in your mom?"

Confused, I laughed. "Uh, yeah, as in my mom."

Her jaw dropped. "You mean, you wrote this?"

I grinned at her. " I thought you knew."

She still hadn't shut her mouth fully. "I knew you played piano, not that you composed!"

"I don't get what the big deal is."

She smacked my arm and completely ignored what I said.. "How many songs have you composed?"

Totally lost at this point, I answered slowly. "Around 20 in the past couple years, maybe."

"And how many people have heard them?"

I thought about it. "Er, Carlisle, Emse, Alice, Emmet, Jasper and you. Six people, I guess." She scowled at me and hit me again. Grabbing my arm, I glared at her. "Why the hell do you keep hitting me?"

"I don't get you!" she exclaimed, standing up.

"Bells, I don't get you either. I am so damned confused right now."

She took a deep breath, obviously exasperated with me. "You're here at BPA to become a doctor. But whenever you talk about it, you're never excited about it." She paced back and forth from my bed to my keyboard. "I mean, sure," she threw her hands in the air. "you always talk about how proud Carlisle will be that you decided to walk in his footsteps, how happy **he'll **be, but you never talk about how happy YOU will be when you graduate. But here you are, an amazing composer, and it's something that you enjoy doing it. You love playing piano and composing, you're so excited about it. Why aren't you going for music and entertainment instead of the medical field?"

She. Did. Not. Just. Go There. "Bella." My voice was controlled. "Don't."

"Why not, Edward! You love composing. Why aren't you doing it for a living?" She finally stopped pacing and just looked at me, her hands on her hips.

"I'm going to become a doctor, Bella. That's it."

"WHY!"

I exploded, "Because I owe it to him! They took me in, they raised me, clothed me, kept a roof over my head. They're paying for my college! If he wants me to become a doctor, then I'll do it!" Her eyes were wide, her lower lip trembling. "Shit!" I spun around, rubbing my hand over my face. "Bella, I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck is the matter with me. There's something about you that sets me off, you know?" I gave a small laugh and turned to her, a pleading look on my face. `

She gave me a small hesitant smile, "Yeah, it's the same way with you. You drive me crazy sometimes." Her smile grew a little bit at that thought. "It's okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pried. It's none of my business."

Damn, I shouldn't have done that. Her questioning had brought up things from the depths of my own mind. Ideas that I'd shoved back in the past few years. If Carlisle wanted a son to follow in his footsteps than that's what he'd get. But that didn't mean that I had to take all of my fears and anger out on Bella. "I really am sorry. It's just... I'm going to become a doctor."

She bit her lip, uncertainly. "Can I just say one thing, and then I'll shut about this forever?"

I sighed and sat down on the corner of my bed. "Go on."

"Edward," she said seriously. "Carlisle loves you. From everything you told me about him, all he wants is for you to be happy. I'm positive that he wants you to become whatever you want to be, whatever would make you the happiest. But it's your choice. I know your family will support you in whatever you want to do." I gently brushed the hair back from her face as she bit her lip, avoiding my eyes, worrying that she'd gone to far.

"Okay, I hear you. But I'm not changing my mind about this, Bells."

"That's okay." Her brown eyes met mine and she sheepishly smiled. "I'll shut up now." Laughing, I hugged her. "Actually," she began again, "will you play for me again?"

Tracing her cheekbones with my fingertips, I smiled. "I'd like that."

**Watching Castle. :) Malcolm Reynolds, Richard Castle... Isn't Nathan Fillion totally awesome? **

**Anyways, I went through the story and created a calendar. A few references in places that are a little off, but everything works out. It's around September 22****nd**** now. Their college started on September 1****st****. If anyone wants a copy of the calendar to help them get things in order, then I can send it to them. But I doubt anyone cares about the timeline that much =P, it just helps me keep things in order and will help me know when I have to write holiday chapters and the like.**


	23. Chapter Twenty One

**I am so, so, so sorry. Let me just give you the rundown. My motherboard killed my hard drive, deleting EVERYTHING I had on my computer. EVERYTHING. Including all of my fan fiction that I'd written and 50 pages of a book I'd been working on. Now since my computer access has always been super limited; I can't even type the chapters and then upload them when I get internet, which is what I used to do. So again, I'm so sorry it's been forever since an update. The gap between updates may be extended, and I really hate that. This chapter isn't what I'd originally written, but nevertheless, here it is. ****But on to the chapter….**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

I grabbed my books to walk out of class and felt an arm thrown over my shoulder. I tilted my head upwards to smile at Jake. He grinned unabashedly at me. "How's it going Bella?" Allowing the arm, I trailed out of class with Jake attached to me. I was forced to ignore the many glares from other classmates, mostly girls, but there was on guy glaring with them, unashamed. Taking in Jake's body, I had to admit that it was nice. Verrry nice.

"Mmm, going back to the dorm to watch The Dark Night with Edward." A shadow passed over Jacobs face, but it was gone so quickly I must have imagined it.

"Sounds fun," he said casually. "I guess that crosses out tonight, but I was wondering if you would want to catch a movie with me sometime?"

I stumbled, Jake's arm coming under my armpits and catching me before I landed face first. "Uh..I.." I sputtered. Jake was asking me out? What in the world…. He was my friend, a hot friend maybe, but nevertheless still just a friend… what gave him the idea that I wanted to change that?

He laughed, setting me back onto my unsteady feet. "I hope you were stumbling because you were so joyfully happy?" He said it with a cocky sarcasm, but I couldn't help but notice the dusky rose color filling his cheeks or that fact that he'd let his arm drop off of my shoulders. I was instantly filled with shame at my thoughts and the situation took me to my situation with Edward. I wanted more and he didn't. I didn't want Jake to feel the way I'd felt when Edward had insisted that we were just friends, but I also refused lead him on.

"Sure, I'd love to go watch a movie with you," I said slowly, "A bunch of us are planning on going to the movies this weekend. You're totally welcome to join." I watched his face, internally flinching, wondering if my evasion had been too obvious. From the sheepish look on his face, he realized what I was trying to do, but he didn't say anything to clarify his question and force me to tell him point blank.

"Cool," he said, staring straight forward for a minute, before bursting into a new conversation in a hurry. Within a few minutes, I'd forgotten the tension and had fallen back into my easy companionship with Jacob. But in the back of my mind, his question lingered, reminding me to be careful about how friendly I was with him.

* * *

The next two days passed quickly, leading up to the group outing. I'd pretty much forgotten about it, until Alice called a few hours before to confirm that Edward and I were going. "Yeah, Alice, we'll be there." I assured her, desperately trying to stop the phone from slipping out from between my shoulder and ear without dropping my books. "Uh-huh" I muttered, not really paying attention as I searched for an empty surface to set my stuff down on. Edward's and my own things covered every surface in the living room/kitchen area. The dorm was most definitely lived it

"BELLA! Are you listening to me!"

"Mmmhmm," I mumbled, shoving Edwards coat on the floor so I could put my books on the end table. Damn, I really need to clean up a little bit in here.

I tuned in just enough to hear her say, "So you don't deny that you have the hots for Edward then?"

Sputtering, I went to grab the phone but in the process dropped my books on my foot, along the phone. A sharp pain slammed through my foot as my heavy books fell right onto it. I cursed loudly, hopping on one foot, whimpering pathetically while trying to avoid stepping on its abused mate.

"Bella? Bella, are you alright?" The phone, ignored in my plight, lay pathetically on the ground with Alice's voice chirping out of it. I glared at it, trying to hold my hurt foot off the ground, but also having difficulty balancing on one foot. I hopped, going to for the phone to assure Alice I was okay, when I hopped into my book, stubbing my previously un-pained toe. I was going down, shit shit shit shit!

And a pair of arms caught me. "Bella!" Edwards voice came right next to my ear as he caught me in my tumble downwards against his hard chest.

"Omph," I said hitting his chest.

"Bella, are you okay?" He asked, his voice frantic as he searched my body for signs of obvious ailment.

"No! I'm not okay! I'm going to murder your sister!" I tried to hobble over to the couch but my foot wouldn't support me, it started to collapse under the weight but Edward caught me before I fell. Wrapping one strong arm underneath my knees, he lifted me and carried me to it, setting me down gently before going to retrieve the phone I'd dropped amidst my books. "What did you do, Alice?"

I heard her high pitched voice ranting into Edward's ear as I worked to remove my shoe without touching my foot. Edward's hands gently pushed mine away as he took over the job, still listening to whatever Alice was saying, the phone tucked between his ear and shoulder. I whimpered again as he tried to carefully pull my shoe off and he sent me an apologetic look. Damn it, this hurt. Tears pricked at my eyes as I fought the pain. When he finally got my sock off, which hurt like a bitch, he swore.

"Damn it, Bella! What happened? Your foot is swollen. It might be broken, but I can't tell for sure without examining it more." He gently probed it, I hissed in pain as his finger touched a sore spot.

Through my gritted teeth, I managed to get out, "I dropped my books on it."

Taking his hands away, he grabbed the phone. "Alice, I've got to go. Bella needs to go to a hospital." He paused for a minute before growling. "I can't tell without an x-ray, I don't give a damn if I'm in medical school." He stopped again before adding, "Yes, I'll call you when I find out. Goodbye!" He hung up, throwing my cell phone on the couch before kneeling down next to me. "Come on, Bells. We need to get you to the hospital and get an x-ray of this. While I don't think that it's a bad break, but it is possible that you have a small fracture on the bone"

My refusal was immediate and brief. "No. I'm not going to a hospital."

Pain flashed across his face, "I know you hate hospitals and you have a good reason for it, but we have to get this x-rayed. That's the only way to know for sure that you haven't fractured it."

I allowed my fear to break through as I looked into his eyes. "I don't want to go to the hospital, Edward." My foot was throbbing and didn't think I could walk on it yet, but going to a hospital was out of question. They reminded me of my mom and I didn't want to deal with that right now, I never wanted to deal with it.

"I have to take you to the hospital, Bells." He gently pushed my hair back out of my face. "I'm sorry, but if you fractured the bone, it won't get better unless we do this." I shook my head in denial, even though I knew that he was right. "I'll be with you the entire time. It'll be okay." I closed my eyes, knowing from the determined look he had that he wasn't going to let me get away with not going. And in the back of my mind, I knew going to the hospital would be the smart choice, the only choice because I did really need to get my foot checked out. But I didn't want to have to deal with the memories that the sterile white and the smell of disinfectant always brought.

"I'm scared."

He cupped my face gently, before reaching down to pick me up again. "I know and I'm sorry for that."

I closed my eyes, gulped and tried to relax. But then he picked me up again. "Wait! I can…" I trailed off, not knowing for sure if finishing that sentence would make me a liar or not. Could I walk?

He gave me a small, "are you kidding?" laugh. "I'm going to carry you downstairs and we're going to drive with the hospital. Deal with it." But the concern in his eyes took away the sting of his words. Allowing it, I rested my head on his chest to revel in the feel of his strong arms holding me while trying to ignore the pain shooting up my foot and into my leg, and I let myself relax, trying to albeit briefly, forget about the fact that I was going to have to take a car to go to a hospital. That was a sentence that my nightmares were made of.

* * *

By the time we'd entered the hospital and found a doctor to treat me, I was pre-hysteria. The last time I'd been in a hospital had been directly after the crash, other times that I'd hurt myself, Charlie had had a doctor come to our house. I'd worked myself into such a state that Edward had trouble stopping my body from shaking enough to undo my seatbelt. Edward had calmly explained the basics of my fear to the doctor while sitting next to me, holding my hand and comforting me. The doctor, I'd missed her name, was really nice about it all. She'd offered to give me something to sedate me and hadn't been alarmed when I'd refused by sobbing all over Edward; sedation reminded me too much of the numbness of my anti depression pills. She just took care of my foot, talking soothingly to me.

The only time Edward left me through the entire process was when they took my x-ray. But as soon as they were done, he was back at my side. Sometime during the process, I'd apologized to both him and the doctor, knowing that I was being ridiculous, but unable to stop the pounding of my heart and the memories assaulting my brain. I hated myself for being unable to face the hospital without hysteria, but it didn't seem to faze Edward. He talked with my doctor, translated the medical mumbo jumbo into terms I could understand, and was overall more supportive than I had imagined.

I owed him. That much I knew. But I couldn't help myself, I couldn't stop body from trembling anymore than I could decided to use my willpower to stop my heart from beating. The reaction was automatic and devastating.

I tried to contain my shaking by gripping Edward's hand tighter. He didn't even wince. Have I mentioned how amazing he is?

The doctor put the x-rays on the screen and studied them for a few seconds before nodding. "The good news is, Bella, that your foot isn't broken. The bad news is that it's going to be painful and difficult to walk on for the next couple days. You need to baby it for a while, keep off of it unless absolutely necessary for at least 48 hours. Keep it elevated and keep ice on it. After two days, you can walk on it but it will be pretty sore for a couple weeks."

She gave me a prescription for mild painkillers and more advice before releasing me. I was allowed to leave the hospital in a slightly more dignified manner, a.k.a. in a wheelchair instead of being carried. I still trembled, though, as I saw the car and knew that I would have to ride in it to get back, but the feeling was downplayed by my relief to have exited the hospital. Another day, with other things happening, I could have done it with mild fear. But today it was just too much. Everything overwhelmed me, the pain in my throbbing head was as overwhelming as the pain coming from my foot. Silent tears leaked down my face, my body still trembling, but with a lesser force than it had been in the hospital.

As we approached the car, before opening it, Edward knelt down next to me. "I'm so proud of how brave you've been, Bells. We just have a little bit longer to go and then you can relax and go to sleep. We're almost home."

I wiped a tear off my face, angrily. "I haven't been brave, I've been a fucking coward."

"Don't." Edward's objection was immediate. "You haven't been a coward. Yes, you were scared but you did it, Bella. You entered the hospital, you managed to do it. The fact that you were terrified doesn't make you a coward, it's the fact that you conquered that fear that makes you strong."

Sniffing, I rested my forehead against his. "I don't necessarily believe you. But thanks anyways." I whispered to him, preparing myself for the car ride ahead.

**If any of you have ever had someone drop all of their college books on your foot, then you can probably feel Bella's pain. (because those books are damned heavy) As I said, this is different than the chapter I'd originally wrote but since I didn't feel that I could recreate that chapter the same way, I changed it up. And don't think the first part was insignificant; we'll deal more with that later. Again, I'm sorry about how long it's been. Reviews, pretty, pretty please with a cupcake on top! **


	24. Chapter Twenty Two

"**I thought that I heard you laughing, I thought that I heard you sing. I think, I thought, I saw you try. But that was just a dream. That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion."**

**Real life sucks... but it's so pixelated. **

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

Apparently, in Edward's twisted mind, a sprained foot was equal to a broken leg. If I so much as tried to hobble to the bathroom by myself, he was there lecturing me about taking care of myself. He continually brought Alice over to "help" me, even though with the crutches I could get along fine on my own. But even through I hated being treated like I was incapacitated, it was fun getting to know Alice. I knew quite a bit from the stories and explanations that Edward had given me, but it wasn't the same as hanging out with her in person.

No words were enough to describe how much energy this girl had. The first time I'd met her, she must have been holding back and even then I thought she was crazy. But now, now... she was comfortable with me apparently which meant Alice was on the loose and not holding anything back. But I was okay with it, she was funny, easy to talk to, and told me hilarious things about Edward. So even while I was being held captive in my dorm, it was sometimes fun.

Jasper came along with her most of the time. Seeing the two of them together almost made me feel lonely though. It was so obvious that they were crazy about each other. They would stare at each other for minutes on end if someone didn't interrupt them. I wished that I had someone like they did. I sometimes caught Edward looking at them almost wistfully too and I felt sad for the both of us.

We were all sitting around watching a movie at the moment. Jasper and Alice were curled up together on the chair while Edward and I shared the couch. We would have normally been sitting closer together but neither of us felt comfortable sitting so close when Alice and Jasper were there. We both knew that Alice would see too much into it and it would lead to drama. I snuck a wistful glance at him. I wanted to be cuddled up with him how we normally were. Watching movies, not being so close to him, was an odd thing now. But with him being so ridiculous since my injury, I should probably be grateful he wasn't near me. I frowned, glaring at my foot which had this persistent itch. I sneakily reached down to try and itch it. Edward's hand caught mine before it reached it's target.

"What are you doing? Stop touching your foot, Bella, you'll make it hurt worse."

I scowled at him. Jasper and Alice looked at us, amused. "I was trying to scratch my foot, Mr. Overprotective." Damn it, he was driving me crazy! I couldn't do anything myself without him acting like I was totally handicapped!

Alice laughed, "Leave her alone, Edward. If it hurt then she wouldn't do it."

Edward glared at her. "That doesn't mean she won't accidentally do more damage."

I threw my hands up, exasperated, as Jasper paused the movie. "How could I cause more damage to my foot, when it's sitting on the table away from everything?"

He didn't back down. "I don't know, but somehow you'd manage it."

"You're an idiot." I shot at him.

"An you're a clumsy, dangerous-to-yourself, basketcase." I gaped at him, insulted before grabbing my crutches from next to me and working my way to my foot. Before I could even begin to lean on them, Edward was there, holding me up. "EDWARD!" I shrieked, as my legs were swept from underneath me, carefully, and he held me in his arms.

He frowned down at me. "Where are you going?"

I barred my teeth at him. "My room! Which is a whole three steps away!"

He ignored the last comment and carried me to my bedroom. I heard Alice and Jasper snickering to themselves behind him as I held myself stiff, mortified. "Edward!" I hissed. "Put me down, damn it!"

"I am." He set me on my bed, standing over me. I scowled at him as he stared down at me, concern in his eyes. It was hard to stay mad at him when he was acting so concerned for me, but he was driving me loco!

I fought back my annoyance and tried to talk rationally. "Edward, I'm not an invalid. I can function perfectly fine. Yes, my foot is sore, but it's not bad. I'll be able to walk on it in a week or so, no problem."

"You can walk on it as soon as the doctor says you can." He knelt down in front of me, looking at my foot.

"Edward!" I jerked his attention back to my face. "You're in medical school. Just how many people have died from a sprained foot? Huh, how many?"

He smiled a bit sheepishly at me. "I know, I know. I get what you're saying but I've had these nightmares of you waddling around in crutches, tripping and falling down a set of stairs." He took in the expression on my face. "Don't give me that look. You're so clumsy that it's possible."

I let out a huff. "If I promise that I won't try to go down any steps, will you lay off a little bit?"

He considered it for a minute. "Fine." I smiled my victory, and he sent me a small one in return. "Are you sure you don't want to finish the movie?"

"Yeah, I've seen it before, I think I'm just going to lay here and read. A very non-strenuous activity," I added with a small teasing smile.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it." He patted my hand. "Just call out if you need anything." I rolled my eyes, but nodded.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep after that because the next thing I knew, Edward knocked on my door and entered. I looked up at him sleepily. "What's up?" He had a guarded look on his face and I frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said gruffly. "You've got a phone call." I tilted my head to the side, studying his face. He looked... not mad, but he certainly wasn't happy either.

I took the phone. "Hullo?" Edward stood in the doorway, watching me.

"Bella!" A warm masculine voice exclaimed in my ear.

"Jake?" Oh shit! I had completely forgotten that I had invited him to go to the movies with all of us. With the trip to the hospital and Edward driving me crazy, I hadn't even thought about him. "I am so sorry! I hurt my foot and had to go to the hospital and I forgot.."

He broke in, "That's okay, I know. I called the other day and talked to your roommate. He told me what happened."

"Oh, okay." I said slowly, glancing at Edward; this was the first that I'd heard of that call. He still stood in the doorway, his face impassive. I shot him a questioning look but he didn't even seem to notice me.

"I was, um, wondering if you wanted to go to the movies when you feel better sometime." He words blended together as he spoke the question quickly.

I hesitated. Jake was my friend, but I didn't want to lead him on. But then again, I had promised to see a movie with him and then stood him up. So I guess I needed to make it up to him. "Uhm, sure. When?" I took another glance at Edward. Didn't most people leave the room when someone was having a personal conversation? He was making me uncomfortable, especially since he was the one I wish would ask me on a date. Shit, I did not want to think about that. Biting my lip and feeling slightly guilty even though there was no reason for it, I stared at my free hand that gripped my bedspread.

"Sweet," The relief in Jacobs voice made me feel even more guilty. Here I was, wanting another guy while agreeing to go on a date with him unwillingly, while he really wanted to go on a date with me. "How about Saturday night? You can pick out what you want to watch when we get there."

I smiled a little. "That's great. See you."

"Bye, Bella."

I hung up the phone, uncomfortably avoiding Edward's eyes, which were still trained on me. I handed him the phone. That was what he was waiting for right? So I didn't have to get up and put it away myself. That must have been why, because I couldn't think of another logical reason. My fantasy that he was raging with jealousy was kicked out when he impassively took the phone and walked out. I frowned after him.

Shit, I thought dropping back against my pillow. These thoughts about my roommate were getting out of hand. We'd already talked about it and decided that doing anything about this attraction between us would be a bad idea. Hell, at least I thought that the feelings were mutual. He'd seemed like he was into the kisses, plural, but afterwords he'd always regretted it...so maybe it wasn't as mutual as I'd originally thought. Irregardless, it didn't matter. Because either way, it would be a mistake to risk losing an amazing friend. But even knowing that didn't stop me from waking up from not nightmares anymore, but these mind blowing fantasies starring Edward. The nightmares still came, yes, but less frequently. And day dreams, I had a very imaginative mind. I smiled.

"Hey, Bella!" Alice jerked me out of my thoughts. "Jasper and I are heading out, I just wanted to say bye."

"Oh, okay. I'll see you later then." There went my protection from Mr. Overprotective.

She came over and patted me on the head. "Don't let him bother you, Bella. He acts like that whenever someone he cares about gets hurt." I opened my mouth to deny that, but shut it almost instantly. Alice smiled. Okay, so yes, Edward did care about me, I knew that. Just not in the way I wanted him to care.

Almost as if she knew my thoughts, she leaned down, hugged me and whispered. "Just hold on, Bella. Everything will work out how it's supposed to." With a final squeeze, she walked away, leaving me with my pointless thoughts about a guy that I'd never have.

**Okay, I have internet this weekend, so I'm writing and updating everything as quickly as I can. So I apologize if there are any stupid grammar mistakes. **

**And since a few people have PM'd me and asked, I just want to clarify, that YES! I am going to finish this story, nothing will stop that. **

**Only 8 reviews last chapter. :( Can I get a little bit more love this time? **


	25. Chapter Twenty Three

**I officially have a working computer and internet. I actually bought a laptop at the same time that I replaced my motherboard and hard drive. I am a total bitch, I acknowledge that fact, but my updates should be coming sooner now. I'm so sorry! **

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

**BPOV**

I stared at the book in front of me, refusing to blink, refusing to give it even this one win. It was a mental challenge that I was doomed to fail on all counts. A stare down with an inanimate object, I couldn't sink much lower, could I? I didn't want to do this, but my math class was in three days and if I wanted to finish my homework, I needed to at least get a start on it. With a determined mind frame, I grabbed the book, breaking the deadlock and opened it to the right page. Grabbing my pencil and paper, I started to work unfalteringly on the next problem.

Only to have my eyes blur and head throb moments later. "Focus, Bella." I muttered to myself. "The eccentricity of a circle is zero. But the eccentricity of an ellipse is c divided by a." No matter how many times I repeated the equations to myself, I couldn't manage to put the numbers in the right places. Everything would blur and the variables would become one giant pain in my...

"Bella? Are you here?" I heard Edward open the door. Shit, I swore to myself, thrusting the book closed and throwing it under my bed. I'd started it purposely when he'd left so that he wouldn't see me struggling and failing at it. I grabbed my copy of The Tale of Two Cities and opened it to a random page. Throwing myself onto my bed, I stared blankly at the page. Edward knocked once before opening the door. "Hey, sweetheart."

I smiled weakly at him, not glancing up from my blurred gaze at the page. He sat down next to me, before yanking my book out of my hand. "Hey!" I protested.

"You're holding it upside down," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh." I said, looking downwards, embarrassed.

"What's going on, Bells?"

I didn't look at him. Ashamed, I continued to stare at the book he held in his hands. I watched him set the book down and his hand move to my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Bells baby, talk to me." His voice was soft and compelling.

I sighed, "I thought that you were at class."

He tilted his head sideways, narrowing his eyes at me. "It got canceled, the professor's daughter just went into labor."

"Oh," I muttered.

He continued to stare at me, while I continued to avoid his eyes. "Isabella Marie Swan," he said warningly to me.

I glared at him, due to his use of my full name. It was completely uncalled for. "Edward Anthony Cullen," I mocked him, hoping to distract him from his determination to find out what I was hiding.

It didn't work.

He frowned before reaching and grabbing my hand. "Bells, tell me what's wrong."

I bit my lip and stared at our joined hands. "It's nothing really..." I trailed off. "The usual."

I glanced up to see understanding dawn on his face.

"I'm sorry, Bells. Why don't you let me try and help you with it? You've never let me try before."

I blushed, ducked my head, and muttered my reply. "Idon'twantyoutoseemelikethat."

"What?"

Biting my lip even harder, I repeated myself. "I don't want you to see me like that." I admitted softly.

"Bella," he gently tugged my chin up again. "Why on earth not?"

"I'm..." I hesitated, unsure how to say it without aggravating him. "Embarrassed." He started to angrily say something, but I cut him off. "Just...wait. Let me think and try to explain this." He fell silent, looking as if he was grinding his teeth to prevent himself from commenting. "I know that you're not going to... look down upon me or make fun of me for it. It's not that. I just hate being so helpless and I hate having anyone see me like that, let alone someone that I..." care about a lot. I trailed off.

He seemed to know what I had been going to say. "Bella, I care about you so much. I want to be able to help you. That's what happens when someone means as much to you as you mean to me. You want to help them through everything, especially things that are hurting them." He brushed my hair back from my face, wiping my tear sparkled cheeks. "Like your foot," he said, gesturing to my newly un-casted foot. "I went overboard, I can admit that. But it killed me to see you in pain. This pain... this struggle you have with math, it's emotional and physical. It kills me. Seeing you hurt like this, seeing you doubt yourself and seeing your doubt in our relationship."

I looked up quickly. "No, Edward!" I reached up and touched his face. "It's not like that. I don't doubt our relationship, I never want you to think that. This is my problem, it has nothing to do with us."

"But it does," he said sadly. "By your own admission, you waited until I left to work on your math homework. You felt that it was necessary to hide it from me."

I pressed my damp face against his shoulder, burrowing closer to him. He opened his arms for me, hugging me tighter. "I don't know what to do," I whispered.

"Me either."

We sat there for at least an hour, simply consoling each other. He was soft and hard at the same time. His embrace was softly comforting, but his body was rock solid. He smelled amazingly and seemed content enough to just hold me. I snuggled my face into his neck, breathing deeply. This bliss lulled me into a sense of peace and sleepiness. Groggily, I pressed my lips to his neck. I thought that I heard him sigh, and he gently stroked his hand down my hair and back.

This is perfect, I thought happily. He was the sweetest person in the world. And he was sexy as hell.

No, I can't do this, I thought to myself. This is Edward. My best friend. One that I've kissed twice and both times he'd pushed me away. What was I doing? I couldn't mess this up. I couldn't lose him, I wouldn't be able to stand it. I gently pulled away. He opened his eyes and looked at me, smiling that crooked smile. "Why don't we go watch some movies? Something funny. Then we can see what we can do about that homework of yours."

Maybe I couldn't be with him in the way that I wanted to. But as he led me out of my room and to the couch, I realized that, for now, this was enough.


	26. Chapter Twenty Four

**Thank you ****EDDIEBOYLOVER**** for the entire 'I'm not a bitch and real life sucks ass' thing. :) It made me feel less guilty. Thank you for all of your reviews everyone. Here's a new chapter, the week subsequent to the last. Love me again?**

**This chapter experiences a slight time jump from the last chapter.**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**BPOV**

This was it. I was totally defeated. It was frustrating, nerve-wracking, and devastating all in one. "Alice, please."

"Bella, you'll be fine. There will be like 9 people there."

One of which would include Rosalie. "I have plans." This was actually true. Since I'd sprained my foot a couple weeks ago and bailed on Jake, I was making it up to him by going to the movies with him tonight. Or I was supposed to be.

"With who?" Alice asked suspiciously.

"With Jake," I replied smugly, elated that I had a real excuse to not go. "We're going to the movies."

Alice looked entirely too happy after I replied, which made me figure she was about to say something I wasn't going to like. I was right. "I'll just call Jake and invite him along. That would even up the boy/girl ration anyway."

"He's not going to want to go."

A phone was dialed, a phone was answered. I could hear Jake's deep voice through the phone.

"Hullo?"

"Jake, this is Alice."

"Oh, hi. Uhm, what is it?" Pause. "Bella didn't hurt herself again, did she?" To his defense, he did sound worried.

"No, she's fine, at least for now." Was that a threat? "But I'm having a get together tonight and she said she wasn't going to be able to go because she had a date with you. I was wondering if you'd want to come with her instead of going to the movies tonight." Date? Why did Alice have to use that word? I'd had a very awkward conversation with Jacob about how it was not a date and just two friends hanging out. Seriously, how weird was it to have a dinner party in freaking college? Why was she even throwing this thing anyway? Just to torment me?

"Oh, sure. If that's what Bella wants." I opened my mouth to yell my denial, but Alice was too quick for me.

"Yep, thank you. See you tonight at 8!" She hung up.

I shut my mouth and glared at her. "Alice, I DON'T want to go."

She shot me a look that said shut up and deal with it. "You're going. Come on, let's find you something to wear." This couldn't be happening.

"Alice..." I hesitated. I wanted to tell her the real reason why I didn't want to go, but I was afraid of the drama it would cause. And I was afraid of her reaction. Alice was becoming a good friend, but I knew that she was also friends with Rosalie and had been friends with her for a long time. If it came down to my word versus Rosalie's, everyone would believe her. I couldn't take that. I couldn't stand losing all of my newly found friends, Edward especially. They'd come to mean so much to me. If keeping them as my friends meant sitting through a dinner party from hell... I could deal with it. As long as the bitch kept her mouth shut.

* * *

Alice had shoved me into a red dress. Since she was shorter than me, the dress came up to my thighs instead of my knees as it did on her. It had a low cut v-neck, but nothing too outrageous. I had talked her down from red high heels to red, sparkly flats and she'd curled my hair into tight ringlets. I smoothed my dress down my sides, fidgeting nervously. Alice and Jasper's apartment was spotless. There wasn't a single can or chip bag sitting out. The CD's and movies were placed in alphabetical order, the clothes were color and seasonally organized.

It was almost mind boggling. I wouldn't call Edward and myself slobs under any means, but there were pop cans on the counter and some dishes from yesterday still in the sink. Our movies were stacked randomly on top of the television. Compared to this place, we were living in filth. The couches all had those plastic coverings, but there were no wrinkles in them. I shivered a little. If I lived here, I would be terrified to sit down. It had to be Alice's doing, I speculated, glancing at the girl in question. She was putting on her make up with expert precision, in between every brush of cover up, she would cap the container, opening it once again when needed. It just seemed like she was making extra work for herself.

She glanced at me. "Excited?"

I gave a small laugh. Was I excited? No. Was I terrified out of my mind? Yes. "Sure." I shrugged noncommittally.

She gave a pouty sigh and closed her make up container. "So how are you and Jake doing?"

This question made me equally uncomfortable. Jake and I hadn't gone on what Alice considered a "date" yet, but we talked frequently in class and on the phone sometimes. Alice did NOT, under any circumstances, approve. I'd tried to explain to her that Jake and I were just friends, but she didn't buy it. "Wait for the right person to come along, Bella," she would stubbornly tell me. She had this idea in her head that Edward and I were meant to be. Nothing I said could deter her from perusing that idea.

"We're not 'doing' anything. We're just friends, Alice."

"Friends who talk on the phone together until 3 in the morning. Sure," she scoffed.

I jerked my eyes back to her, "What? How do you know that?"

She looked guilty. "Know what? Anyways, we need to go make sure the table is set, the guys should be here any minute with the other girls." What was up with the evasion, I wondered. And how did she know that Jake and I talked on the phone in the middle of the night? It wasn't a big deal, we just talked about school and books mostly.

The party. Edward, Jake, Jasper, Emmett, and -internal shudder- Rosalie, but Alice had said only around 10, including Jake. "Do I know everyone who is going to be there?" I hoped to hell it was people I could stand. "Well, you know the guys, besides maybe Seth? Have you met him? I think he's one of Jake's friends."

Seth... Who was... OH... Seth Clearwater. I did know him. He was, for the most part, a nice kid. He was in my class with Jake and seemed fairly shy.

"I've met Seth before."

Alice nodded. "Then there is Tanya and Victoria. Victoria is with Seth, but I'm hoping to set Tanya and Edward up. What do you think?" she asked, peeking at me through the corner of her eye.

What game was Alice playing, I wondered. I knew she was, or at least had been, obsessed with the idea of Edward and I getting together, but had I finally convinced her to let it go? And wait... Victoria.. that name was familiar, yet I couldn't attach a face or a place to it. Leaving the part about setting Edward up alone for now, I asked "Victoria... do I know her?"

Alice glanced at me quickly before looking away. "Victoria is Rosalie's friend. She goes to all of the frat parties and gets..." she paused. "Well, you've probably met."

I stared at Alice who was determinedly ignoring me at this point. It hurt. More than I had expected it would, that Alice thought that about me. My past, it appeared, was going to haunt me forever. Though it was true. I knew Victoria from the parties. Rosalie's best friend and almost as big of bitch as she was. But I hated Alice thinking that I was just a party girl. Whatever went down tonight would make her believe that assumption even more. Because she would believe whatever Rosalie said. I would be damned by my self destructive actions from the past.

"Alice." I said softly. She glanced up at me, her eyes looking guilty. "There's something you should know. About me. About..." I was cut off by a door slamming.

"Alice!" A voice called, "We're here!"

"Later?" She asked me, already flying out the door.

"Sure," I replied softly, afraid to leave the safety of this room and enter what could be the scene for the one of the worst days of my college life.

Rosalie looked like a well paid prostitute and Victoria looked the same minus the well paid part.

That was my first impression as I peeked out the door. My next was an approving appraisal. Edward looked amazing. He was wearing a tux jacket, with a red undershirt that just happened to match the dress that Alice loaned me, (maybe she hadn't entirely given up on her matchmaking) and black dress pants that fit very nicely. I made sure my tongue stayed in my mouth as I looked at everyone else.

Jacob's expression was uncomfortable. He was wearing a dress shirt and jeans. He looked awesome, too, but standing next to Edward, he didn't compare. I felt horrible for thinking that. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that it was formal until they showed up and by them it was too late..." he trailed off.

"It's no problem," Alice said, smiling at everyone. "The food will be done in a minute. Bella, could you grab everyone's coats and put them in the bedroom? Jasper, come help me with the food." No one had noticed me yet, and at once, everyone looked to the door frame. Edward's eyes went wide and something past through them, Jake smiled, Seth waved, Tanya raised her eyebrows, Rosalie gave a small laugh, and Victoria shot me a dirty look. Jasper touched my shoulder and smiled as he followed Alice into the kitchen. Emmett grinned at me.

I was slightly uncomfortable. I started to wish that I had asked Alice to invite Jess and Angela, at least they would have evened the scales. As I saw it, if everything went to hell between Rosalie and I, I would be left standing with only Jake at my back. "Uhm, you can just give me your coats..." Victoria and Rosalie dumped them in my arms before brushing past me like they were better than I was.

Tanya tripped in the process of taking off her coat, slamming her high heel into my still slightly sore foot. Tears came to my eyes. The pain radiated through my foot and up my leg. Instantly Edward was there, gently pushing me into the seat behind me. "Are you okay, Bella?" He asked softly, gently probing my foot with his fingers. Jake was right behind him radiating concern and Tanya was exclaiming how sorry she was. Under normal circumstances, I would have believed her. I was one of the clumsiest people in the world, I could understand tripping and hurting someone. But the way she watched Edward, almost predatory, warned me that she'd done it on purpose.

"Gosh, Isabella, I'm sorry. I can't believe I did that! You'll be fine though, right?"

I grit my teeth. "I'm fine." Edward tried to prevent me from standing up, but I did anyways. I already had to deal with the two in the kitchen area, now I'd have to deal with her misplaced jealously. I grabbed the coats again, only to have Edward take them from me.

"Go sit down, Bells, I've got these." I didn't argue, just went towards the kitchen. "Oh and Bells?" I glanced back to see a small smile on his face. "You look awesome."

I blushed bright red and almost missed the death glares coming from both Jacob and Tanya. I limped into the kitchen, where Alice was instantly horrified.

"Oh no! I'll go get you some ice."

As Alice rushed to the fridge, Rosalie spoke in undertones to me. "Oh, did the poor little slut get what she deserved?"

I gasped. Why did everyone like her? Why could no one see what she was really like?

I bared my teeth at her. "No because if she had, you'd be dead."

Rosalie glared at me, Victoria standing behind her. "You think you're all that, don't you, whore? Well I know the truth."

"What truth?" Forgetting about everyone else at the party, forgetting the need to be quiet, I stood up, looking down at her. "What truth has there been in anything you've said about me? When have you ever been honest in regards to me? You call me a slut, you tell everyone that I sleep around, how is there any truth in that?"

She stood up, going face to face with me. "How can you stand there and act so innocent? How can everyone fall for it?" Everyone had come into the room now, surrounding us. Alice looked horrified. Emmett came up and tried to pull Rosalie away, but she shook him off. "You act like you're so perfect! You're just a fake WHORE!" She was yelling now.

I felt someone stand behind me. "Rosalie, shut up." Edward's voice was low and furious.

"No, Edward. I want to hear what she has to say. I want to know what could have possibly led her to ruin my life."

Rosalie gave a hysterical laugh. "You've fallen for it, too. She's fucking seduced you into believing her little act."

I exploded. "What did I ever do to you? I'm sorry about your fucking dress, but I don't deserve this. I didn't deserve what you did to me. I didn't deserve what happened as a result." I was struggling not to cry. I couldn't understand how someone could hate me so much.

"A dress? You think this is about a fucking dress? NO, this is about my fucking fiancee, the one you fucked!" Fiancee? What the hell was she talking about? "Maybe now, I do have Emmett, so I guess your slutty ways did help me. But that doesn't change the fact that you're a lying, two faced, whore and people have the right to know."

"Rosalie, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"Connor McKay! The man I was engaged to, the one you fucked behind my back."

"I don't even know who that is!" I was bewildered. I've never slept with anyone in my life, let alone Rosalie's fiancee who I'd never met in my life.

"Sure, you don't!" Rosalie's face was bright red now. "Victoria saw you!" I looked at Victoria. Why would she say that? What was going on?

Everything started to become clear, at least slightly. "This is why you started those rumors? Because she told you that she caught me sleeping with your fiancee? You never thought to even question the integrity of those words or give the benefit of the doubt. You just went around telling everyone lies. Lies that almost got me raped." My voice was calm. Quiet. Dangerous.

Alice was crying. Edward now standing next to me. Jacob was on the other side. Jasper was trying to comfort Alice, and Emmett was standing on the side, unsure whether to stop Rosalie or whether to back her up.

I turned to Victoria and asked the one question I needed to know. "Why?"

**Everyone wanted a confrontation...so here it is! Did it live up to your imaginations? But it's not over yet... **

**If everyone reviews, I'll give you all a cookie! Okay, that's a lie, but if I could give you all cookies I would! So one review for an imaginary cookie? It will be delicious! **


	27. Chapter Twenty Five

**Meant to upload this sooner, but school got in the way. Leaving to go downstate this weekend, so I wanted to update while I can. **

Lauren raised her eyebrow at me. "Shouldn't you be asking yourself why you're such a slut, instead of trying to blame it on me?"

Rosalie was staring at me, at the position of Edward behind me. It was unnerving, but I held my head up. "Why would you tell Rose that you saw me sleeping with her fiancee? What could you possibly gain from that? I had never did anything to you, never even talked to you really. So why would you deliberately make up something about me? About someone I've never even met?" Lauren's face was turning a bright red.

Rosalie took her gaze off of me and turned to Lauren. "Lauren? Whose panties were those, really? Did Bella have anything to do with it?"

Edward swore behind me. "Panties? What the hell happened that night?"

Rosalie turned back towards us, her face thoughtful. "I don't seem to know as well as I thought I did. I went to a party that night, like usual on Saturday. Half way through the night, Bella was pushed into me, spilling a drink on my dress. I went across the hall and back to my dorm to change. Inside the dorm was Lauren and Connor arguing about something. On the ground, there was this pink pair of panties. I exploded, demanded to know what was going on." She turned to Lauren at this point in her story. "You told me that you'd walked in on Bella and Connor having sex. That you'd come to grab your cellphone and found them. You said you were trying to convince him to tell me." She paused, staring at Lauren as if she'd never seen her before. "Bella was never there that night, was she?"

Lauren's face was a dangerous shade of red now. Finally she hissed out, "No. Connor was supposed to be mine!"

Rosalie looked shocked. "What are you talking about?"

"Freshman year, I was so shy that I could barely talk to him. I begged my best friend," she sneered, "to talk to him for me. A week later, you were dating. Within two months, you were engaged. He was supposed to be mine! I'd finally gotten him where I'd wanted him, but he refused to break it off with you!" She was furious, her hands gesturing wildly. "He acted like I was the one he should be ashamed of. He begged me not to tell you, afraid you would leave him." The room was quiet except for Lauren's heaving breaths. "You wouldn't even fuck him! You wanted to wait." Lauren scoffed at this. "He turned to ME! He needed ME! Because you weren't there for him. He was supposed to be mine. If I couldn't have him, then you couldn't either."

I stared at her, along with everyone else in the room. She had serious problems. But there was one thing she hadn't answered. "Why me? Why would you say that I did it?"

Lauren shrugged. "You were there. You were the new thing. You partied with everyone, but no one had seen you hook up with someone yet." She snorted. "It was easy. No one was surprised that you were a whore."

"I'm not!" My voice broke as I stared at her, wondering how someone could be that cruel for the hell of it. Edwards arms wrapped around me, pulling me back to his chest.

Lauren looked at Edwards arms and laughed. "Oh, sweetie. Maybe you weren't then. But I turned you into one. Kevin told everyone what happened that night in the hallway."

"Kevin?" Did I finally have a name for my attacker that night? "The guy who tried to rape me?" My voice rose in pitch as I stared at her. "He assaulted me in the hallway one night and told me that if I was going to sleep with all of these other guys, I was going to sleep with him, whether I was willing or not. If not for Jessica, he would have succeeded. Was getting away with sleeping with your best friends fiancee worth me almost getting raped because of your lies?"

Everyone in the room looked shocked. Rosalie looked like she wanted to blow her brains out. Emmett and Jasper both looked furious. Alice looked torn between crying and beating the hell out of Lauren. And Edward... I couldn't see his face, but I could feel the tenseness in the body behind me.

"Fucking bitch. You would have deserved it. Too bad Kevin didn't succeed, maybe you would have learned to shut your fucking mouth."

"Bella." Edward's voice was soft, dangerous. "Have you heard enough?" I nodded, unable to find my voice. Edward's warmth disappeared from behind me and his bulk appeared in front of me. "Jasper, if I may impose on your hospitality?" He nodded, his jaw clenched. "Lauren, get the fuck out before I remove you."

Rosalie stepped forward, tears glittering in her eyes. "I'll help him. God, you bitch. How did I trust you?"

Lauren threw her hair. "Pretending to be your friend for the past years has been hell. I'm so glad I don't have to pretend anymore." With that, she turned and walked away, leaving behind the group in stunned silence.

The first thing to break the silence was the sound of Rosalie's high heels coming towards me. I stared at the ground, tired. "Bella." Rosalie said softly. "I'm so sorry. For everything. I never meant for you to be..." Her voice broke but came back stronger. "I'm going to make it better. I'll tell everyone the truth. They'll crucify Kevin." She whispered then, "I know I can never take back what happened to you. But I hope that one day... you'll forgive me." I looked up at her. There were actual tears in her eyes, and she looked humble. It didn't fit her. She swallowed and walked away, Emmett following with a brush of his hand on my shoulder.

Alice started to rush towards me, but both Jasper and Edward stopped her. Jacob stayed off to the side. Edward bundled me to his chest and herded me out of the apartment.

* * *

Once back at our dorm, Edward faced me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"We don't tell each other everything, Edward." I said softly, knowing that it was a stupid answer.

He didn't even get mad. "Yes, we do." That assured answer made me sigh. I sat down, Edward sat next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He didn't speak, just waited.

"Edward..." I laid my head on his shoulder. "She was your friend. I was afraid." I couldn't continue without hurting his feelings.

"And," he continued my explanation, "you thought that I would choose her over you."

I couldn't deny it. "I'm sorry."

When he didn't reply, I looked up to see his face. He looked...disappointed. That hurt. I would rather have him angry at me. "You've known Rosalie for longer. It's a perfectly logical assumption that you would believe her." I tried to defend myself to his silence.

"Nothing about our relationship has ever been logical, Bella."

"Think about it, Edward. Emmett, Alice, Jasper. They've always been there with you."

"What in the world do they have to do with anything?"

"They're Rosalie's friends too! Would you really stand with me if everyone else stood with her?" I couldn't look at him anymore. I turned my face away, but his hand caught my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"Yes. I would have, if it had come down to that. You need to learn to trust me, Bella."

"I can't," I whispered, tears burning my eyes.

"Yes, you can." he said, confidentiality, "You will eventually." With that, he tugged me closer to him. When his arms were securely around me, he asked "Will you tell me what that asshole did to you?"

I couldn't deny him. "It was after a party one night. I'd gotten wasted." At this I gave a self condemning laugh, he rested his head against mine. " I was going back to my and Jess's dorm, when someone shoved me against the wall. I didn't know who it was, I couldn't see. " I swallowed hard. "He pressed me against the wall. He kept rubbing himself against me. " M y voice was wavering. "He just kept saying that if I was going to give it up to all of the rest, I was going to give it up to him. God, I couldn't stop him." My voice broke, the tears came. "I kept struggling, but I knew that there was nothing I could do. He was too strong."

I heard Edward make a hoarse noise, but if I stopped, I couldn't finish. "He'd managed to rip my shirt when Jess came out of the dorm. When he saw her, he ran. But not before he made me realize that I was helpless." I looked up at Edward, brokenly. His eyes were red, his mouth tight. "If Jess hadn't been there, he would have..." I broke off with a cry. His arms wrapped tight around me, pulling me into his lap and rocking me.

"But he didn't. Jess was there. Someone will always be there for you, Bella. I will. Nothing like that will ever happen again."

"I won't allow it." I said, drinking in his strength. "After that night, I took self defense lessons. No one will ever make me feel helpless again."

"Good." With startling speed, Edward pressed his lips against mine. I gasped, but he didn't press his advantage. He gently nibbled on my lips, asking for entrance. I gave it to him. His tongue danced with mine. The kiss went on for eternity. When we finally pulled away, we were both breathless. He flashed a grin at me, but his eyes were shadowed. "We should go for a walk. We can head over to the used bookstore on the other side of campus."

Euphoric, I bit my lip and nodded. Well, if he wasn't going to mention it, that amazing kiss, then neither was I.

**And the verdict? Love me? :D**


	28. Chapter Twenty Six

**IMPORTANT**

**I wrote the last chapter without access to the rest of the story, and I accidentally used the name Lauren instead of Victoria. From this point on, the character will be named Lauren. I'm sorry about the mix up, I hope no one was confused.**

**Chapter Twenty Six**

"I hope you're okay now." Jake had called to check up on me after the drama with Lauren, it was sweet actually.

"I'm fine. Rosalie kept her word." It was true. She'd told everyone the truth about what happened. How she'd done it was something I'd never know, but people started to act nicer towards me. It hadn't fixed everything, of course, some people still believe I was a home-wrecking slut, but it'd gotten better.

"Are you going to forgive her?" He asked me the question that I couldn't answer. Could I forgive her? She'd tried to destroy my life but she'd been betrayed as well. It wasn't something I could answer right now. I would have to see how I felt about it in the future. I heard the door to my dorm open. Edward must be back. "I don't know, Jake. I'll have to think about it. I've got to go though. Thanks for calling."

"No problem. Talk to you later."

We hung up and I wandered out of my room with the phone. Edward was staring out the window with a frown on his face. He hadn't once brought up the kiss from that night I'd confronted Lauren. I wish he would just say something and get it over with. I sighed catching his attention. "Hey, Bells," he said, gruffly. " Talking to Jacob?"

I glanced down at the phone in my hands. "Uh, yeah. He called to see how I was doing."

"Nice of him," Edward commented offhandedly, his voice sounding anything but happy. I frowned at my hands. Jake was being nice to me. Maybe I was leading him on, but I liked having a guy who laughed at my jokes and was genuinely interested in me. Shit. But every time I was with Jake, or talking to him, I found myself wishing that Edward would be the one that was interested in me. I was such a horrible person.

EPOV

I cursed to myself silently. I walked into the room, just in time to hear her saying good-bye to _him_. The enemy. I couldn't help but think of him like that. He battled me for Bella's affections. While I knew that I had her friendship, I was afraid he would have more than that. I was afraid he would have what I was scared to ask for. She hadn't mentioned the fact that I'd kissed her again. Sometimes I just couldn't help myself, she'd been so sad and determined. I was grateful that she could defend herself, but I'd given her the truth. She would never need to defend herself again, because I was always going to be there for her.

I'd had a long talk with Emmett before coming back. He was disappointed in Rosalie, but he said that she was beating herself up enough for all of them. She's genuinely sorry, he said. She went around to everyone she knew and told them what Lauren had done, along with the lies that she, herself, had told. She wants to talk to Bella, he confided, but she knows Bella hates her, and she doesn't blame her.

This, I was unsure about. Bella was hurt and angry. But she was also a very forgiving person. While I was pissed beyond belief at what Rosalie had done to Bella, I knew that Rosalie wasn't a bad person. I hoped that one day Bella and Rosalie might be friends. But until then, I was going to be firmly at Bella's side, giving her the support she needed.

I stared blindly out the window. I knew my response to Bella hadn't been said in the nicest tone, but I couldn't help the fact that I disliked Jacob. She talked to him on the phone, it seemed like, all of the time. They went out together, to the movies. Joked around, he made her smile. That burned the worst in my gut. He'd never made her cry, while I had, multitudes of times. He was better for her than I was. Some days I felt like I should just leave her alone, she would be better off without me.

I felt her hand gingerly touch my shoulder. "Hey, what's wrong?"

I shook my head. She would never know how badly I wanted to tell her everything. "Nothing. It's just one of those days." I looked at her. God, she was so beautiful. Her brown hair flowed along her unmade face. I had never told her how much I loved the fact that she didn't wear makeup. Some girls would paint their faces until you couldn't even recognize them anymore, but not Bella. She was all natural. "So," I said shaking my head. "Halloween is coming up soon."

She snorted. "And what? You want to get dressed up in corny costumes and beg for candy?"

I frowned at her. "What's your problem with trick-or-treating?"

"I don't have a problem with it, it's just stupid."

I gaped at her. "How can you believe trick-or-treating is stupid?"

"You seriously want to go trick-or-treating?" She stared at me like I was insane.

I shook my head. "No, but that's not the point."

"Yes, it is. So what do you want to do then?"

I continued frowning at her. How could anyone not like trick-or-treating? "Alice is throwing a party."

"Oh joy," Bella said sarcastically. "Because her last party was such a success."

I rolled my eyes at her. "That was a dinner party."

"Did you, or did you not, hear yourself say the word 'party'?"

I sighed warningly, "Bella."

"Fine. What are we supposed to wear? I am not dressing up."

I flashed her a grin. "You could go as naughty Goldilocks."

Bella gave me an "are you kidding me" look before bursting into laughter. "What is it with guys and Goldilocks?"

"I dunno," I teased her, relieved at the lack of tension between us. "Something about a naughty girl who knows she deserves punishment and you're the one that's going to give it to her." We both burst into laughter.

"You are a sick, sick man, Edward Cullen," she gasped out in between heaving breaths.

I flashed her a grin. What she didn't know, is that my Goldilocks had brown hair. Beautiful, long, brown hair.

* * *

A few days later, Alice had informed me of all of the details. There would be tons of people there, and yes, dressing up was mandatory. But she told me not to worry about it, because she had already picked out Bella's costume and my own. Yeah, right, like that would make me worry less. With my luck, Alice would make me into some sort of cross dresser and Bella into some sort of sex goddess, who I would be forced to defend and beat the shit out of guys who thought they could get away with messing with her. Maybe Bella was right, costumes were overrated.

I tried to talk her into not going, but she was despondent. "She made me promise," Bella muttered. "She spun this tale about how it was going to be horrible and how she was so happy that her friends were going, because if we weren't there, she'd be depressed." Bella raised her tragic eyes up to me. "She's going to make me dress up," she confided, horrified. "It's going to be horrible."

I gave a small laugh. "Well, I guess we'll have to survive," I said with a sigh, falling backwards onto her bed, next to where she was sitting.

"Let's run away," Bella whispered, covertly. "No one will have to know, and Alice can never find us."

I smiled, taking her hand to play with her fingers. "She'd find us, she has some sort of sixth sense about stuff like that. I'm all for trying though." Running away with Bella would be some sort of heaven.

She gave a mock sniff and fall back next to me. "We're not getting out of this, are we?" She asked in a normal voice.

I laughed. "I doubt it. That girl is the most manipulative person I've ever met."

"Damn," I heard her mutter, her fingers tightening on mine for an instant. We laid exactly like that for an endless amount of time, shoulders touching, hands together, both of us lost in our thoughts. Hers probably about the dread of going to Alice's party, mine about the utter softness of her hand and the smell of strawberries coming from her hair.

As long as she was with me, I could get through anything. Even Alice's party.


	29. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Paranormal Activity spoiler alert. **

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

**A.K.A. Halloween: Part 1**

"Not a chance in hell, Alice." I was not going to back down on this. Some girls might be able to pull it off, but I was not one of them.

"You have to, Bella! There's only a few hours until my party, and there isn't time to find you a new costume!"

"If you would have shown it to me when I asked, I could have gotten one by now. No, there is no way in hell I'm wearing that."

It was a Victorian ball gown, with a corseted top and poofy skirt. The corset was blood red with black lining, and the skirt was pure black and would flow behind me, or whoever wore it. It was gorgeous, feminine, and totally beautiful. It would never work on me. I bit my lip, studying it. I almost wished it would. I would love the feminine feeling that it would give, the confidence. Wistfully, I gazed at it, imagining a young debutant that would have worn it.

_It would have been her first ball, she would have been excited to enter society. To scope out the eligible bachelors, find the best suited for her, most pleasing to her family. The dress would have given her a measure of self assurance. She would have felt confident, sure of herself and the match she would eventually make. Her father would eventually find her a match, regardless of her opinion, someone that would suit the needs of their family. It wouldn't be a love match. No, she would despise him at first. Despise his arrogant, demanding ways. But she would want him. She would grow to love him, as she hated him for his adultery that was acceptable to a man of his status. Hating herself because she loved him, hating him because he made her._

Shaking my head, I jerked myself out of my cliche fantasy world, refocusing on Alice. "What?"

She growled at me, LITERALLY growled. "Isabella Swan, you are going to wear this dress and that is final. I've spent way too long on everyone's costumes for you to back out now."

My curiosity was caught. "What is everyone else going as?" Maybe, if I knew theirs, I would feel less out of place in mine.

"That's part of the surprise!" I frowned. Alice and surprises were not a good mix.

"What happened to the traditional Halloween stuff? You know, dressing as something scary. Why couldn't I be a zombie?" Hmmm, I could eat Edward. I smiled to myself.

"Because you're not going to be! You are going to wear this dress and be Juliet!"

"Juliet? As in Romeo and Juliet?" I frowned at her. "If I'm Juliet, who is Romeo?"

She threw up her hands. "That's the point. You have to find your Romeo." Glaring at me, she added "You can't do that as a zombie."

"And why not?"

Alice sighed. "You're wearing the dress, Bella. Deal with it." I frowned.

"Damn it, Alice. I'm going to the party, like you made me promise. Why do I have to go as something stupid?"

"JULIET IS NOT STUPID!" Afraid to look directly at her glare, I studied my chipped and chewed nails. Alice noticed them, too. "We're going to have to do something with those, too. Maybe just clean them, and apply some clear polish. Hmm..." she continued to talk to herself as she sorted through her ridiculous amount of make up. I cringed as she drew out this eyelash curler. Those things always terrified me, they looked dangerous! Gulping, I tried to raise my spirits. It was only make-up and dressing up, it wasn't like it could hurt or anything.

* * *

I was wrong.

It could hurt.

A lot.

How in the hell did it hurt that much?

I emerged from Alice and Jasper's room five hours later, unable to recognize myself. Alice had straightened my hair entirely, then curled it into tight ringlets. I'd been poked and prodded with so many different make-up tools that I'd lost count of everything she'd done to me. Regardless of what she'd down, it had hurt at times. Especially when it came to squeezing myself into that gown. I had a new respect for Victorian women. The bodice was so tight I couldn't take a deep breath without my breasts spilling out. Looking down, I conceded that they were practically spilling out now. The corset had thrust them up in offering.

Biting my lip, I looked at myself in her body mirror and imagined what Edward would see when he got here. My skin looked even paler against the darkness of the dress. My arms were left bare, as was my chest. Speaking of my chest, I frowned, looking closer. Was that glitter?

"Alice, why is there glitter on my boobs?" I called to her, in the other room.

"It draws attention to them." I heard her yell back.

I frowned, staring at my own chest in the mirror. Whenever I shifted, it looked like there were little fireworks going off on my chest. It was eerie. But maybe Edward would like it.

I smiled, blushing, remembering a few days ago.

I'd been curled up on him, while watching Paranormal Activity. Every time something happened, I ended up digging deeper into him, until I ended up on his lap, gripping his arm. At the end of the movie, when the girl's boyfriend was thrown into the camera, I screamed. Loudly. I may have, or may not have, jumped and squirmed around, trying to forget the scene. Then, when the girl slits her own throat, I buried my face in Edwards throat. While dealing with my being grossed out, I realized another slightly disturbing fact. Well, perhaps disturbing wasn't the greatest word. It was just shocking, I guess.

Edward was hard. Edward Cullen was hard. And unless Katie Featherston slitting her own throat was a turn on for him, he was hard for me. I'd been shell shocked, unable to move. I think he realized that I'd noticed when I'd stopped moving and held completely still.

_"Ah, hell," he said. I pulled back, my eyes wide, to look at his face. He refused to meet my eyes and a dusky hue covered his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Bella. I..." I halted his lips with my finger. Realizing what I'd done, I blushed, pulled my hand back and hopped off his lap._

_"It's okay." I said softly, biting my lip. I couldn't help the surge of pride that ran through me. He was attracted to me. Or was he? I frowned. Maybe it had just been a natural male reaction to a female squirming around on his lap. I mean, wouldn't any guy react the same way?_

_He noticed my frown and misinterpreted it. "Shit. Bella, I'm sorry. Don't be offended."_

_He was such a dork. "I'm not offended. I mean," I blushed, "That's like the ultimate compliment, right?"_

_He gave an embarrassed laugh. "I guess. I'm, uh, glad you see it like that." He scratched his face, obviously at loss for what to say. I bit back a smile as I noticed he'd grabbed a pillow to cover is lap. He swore again, this time with a small laugh. "This hasn't happened to me since middle school."_

_I laughed. "Ah, how does it feel to be an adolescent boy again?"_

_He pretended to grab his heart. "Ouch, you can call me adolescent after that?"_

_My face turned bright red. "That isn't what I meant," I muttered. "You're not adolescent in THAT way."_

_He grinned at me. Embarrassed at what I'd just said, I turned to hurry to my room. "Hey, Bella?"_

_"What?" I muttered, not looking at him._

_"It was a compliment, you know. I know you might not believe it, but I don't react that way to just any girl."_

_My face flamed brighter than it had even before. "Thanks." I whispered before hurrying to my room._

My face was bright red in remembrance. But I was pleased. We'd kissed before, but afterwords, he'd always regretted it. But that was undeniable proof of his attraction. We were friends, he seemed to enjoy my company, and now I knew he was attracted to me. Those were all signs that we could work. As in, us in a real relationship. Before I had been unsure of his feelings to me physically, but now that I was sure of them. Or as sure as I was ever going to be.

So maybe wearing this dress wouldn't be the worse thing in the world. I did look pretty damn good in it, I thought, turning to look at myself sideways in the mirror. I looked tiny. Much tinier than I really was. Except my bust. My breasts jutted out from my form, my waist was sucked in, but then the dress flared out at my waist and down to my feet. It hid the black and silver high heels that I was wearing.

I felt... sexy. Unstoppable. Wearing this, there was no way Edward would be able to resist me. I grinned. Most girls would feel like this wearing a short black dress and slut heels. But no, a Victorian dress brought out the tigress in me. I spun around when Alice came out of the room, grinning even more broadly. She was a pirate. Well, she was the super slut version of a pirate. I laughed.

"Alice, if a girl wore that on a pirate ship in the olden days, she'd get raped."

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "I look hot and you know it. You just mad, because you want to do me."

A burst of laughter escaped me. Her sense of humor never failed to surprise me. "You know, if I ever went les, I'd be all over you, Alice."

She flashed a grin at me. "Damn right, you would." A knock on the door interrupted our conversation. Alice's face lit up even more. "Let the party begin!"

It wasn't Edward at the door. None of the next twenty people were him. I frowned, tapping my foot and pretending to listen to some guy Alice introduced me to. During the most part of the conversation his eyes were trained on my glittery, protruding chest. I had the urge to point at my eyes and tell him they were up there. But I eventually just tuned out his ramblings about our college's football team. I really didn't care. I just wanted Edward to show up so that I could show off my costume. This was my chance with him, before I chickened out.

Before I thought about how this might mess up our friendship. Or how maybe I mistook his attraction for something more than it was. I frowned.

NO! I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to second guess myself. Damn it, where the hell was he? I wandered over to Alice and nonchalantly, asked "Where are Jasper and Edward?"

She frowned. "They're on their way. Emmett apparently insisted on going trick-or-treating before he would come."

I snorted, hiding my relief that he was, in fact, going to be here. "That doesn't surprise me."

Alice rolled her eyes. "My first real party, and my boyfriend is late!" She looked very put out. I hastened to placate her, "It's not his choice that he's late, though. I'm sure he wants to be here."

She looked thoughtful. "You're right, it's Emmett's fault."

"That's not what I said!"

"If not for him, my boyfriend would be here right now, he's going to get it! Thank you, Bella!" With that, she walked away, leaving me gaping after her.

"Well, shit."

"What's wrong?" I jumped, spinning around, almost killing myself in the high heels.

"Jacob! I didn't know you were going to be here." I felt unbelievably guilty for some reason. Like I'd been committing a crime. Here I was, planning on throwing myself, albeit more subtly than that, but with the same intent, at Edward; while I'd been leading Jacob on for almost a month. I was officially a horrible person. How could I do this to Jake? I hadn't intended to lead him on, but hadn't I given that impression? He'd always been so nice to me, yet I couldn't see him in that light. While Edward, who had been an asshole to me at times, has to give me a small, well a not-so-small, sign that he liked me and I was ready to fall all over him. If I was any less selfish, I would be with Jacob instead of thinking about Edward.

But how could I be with Jacob, feeling the way I felt about Edward? That, I didn't want to get into, even with myself. How I felt about Edward was terrifying even to me.

"Yeah, Alice invited me."

"That's cool." I struggled to find something to say.

"Want to dance?"

"I uh," Was there any way to get out of it, without hurting his feelings? Shit, probably not. "I guess." He looked incredibly happy with my answer, making me hate myself even more. We walked out to the small "dance floor," a.k.a. the living room with the couches removed, where a few couples were rocking back and forth to a slow song. Jake put his hands around my waist and I hesitantly dropped mine on his shoulders. He kept up the small talk, 'how have you been?', 'what's new?' etc, but I was too busy fighting with myself. Only a few months ago, I would have been thrilled to have a guy like Jake interested in me. But now I just wanted someone who I wasn't sure if I could have.

"Jake, I need to tell you something." I needed to stop this now. I loved having Jake as a friend, but I couldn't keep leading him on like this. Things I saw as friendly, he seemed to take like I was interested in him, too. If I hadn't been so selfish and afraid of losing him as a friend, I would have told him this from the start. I opened my mouth, ready to tell him that I only wanted to be friends, and apologize for what he might interpret as leading him on, when I glanced over his shoulder.

And saw Edward.

Who looked pissed, and was staring directly at Jacob and I.

Shit.

**I'm planning on making this section 2, or maybe 3, chapters long. Next chapter will be Edward's point of view. **

**Oh, and make sure you check out my new post of story ideas. I explain what it is on there. Get your vote it! :) **

**Anyways, do I get some love? Bella is finally thinking progressively! [And at least parts of Edward are thinking progressively, too! ;)]  
**


	30. Chapter Twenty Eight

Chapter Twenty Eight

A.K.A. Halloween: Part 2

EPOV

Around the same time Bella was arguing with Alice, Edward was arguing with Emmett.

"Damn it, Emmett. No."

Emmett glared at Jasper and I. "I'm not going to the goddamned party, if I don't get to."

"You're an ADULT, Emmett! And regardless of that, Alice will skin all of us alive if we miss her party." I argued with him. He just shrugged, stubbornly. I grit my teeth and turned to Jasper, who glared at Emmett.

"Shit," his shoulders fell. "Let's hurry up and get this over with before Alice murders us."

Pissed off for reasons that weren't exactly related to missing Alice's party, I climbed in the passenger seat. What was the real reason I was pissed off, I wondered to myself. But I didn't have to even think about it.

It was Bella. Emmett, with his ridiculous demand, was stopping me from being with Bella. c The same look that I know she must have seen in mine. In that moment, I realized all of our reservations, all of our fears about losing each others friendship, were idiotic. Because this feeling between us would slowly carve away what we had, creating tension and awkwardness where there had once been friendship and ease.

If we didn't take a chance, to find out whatever we could have between us, we'd be losing what had the potential to be the best thing that had ever happened to either of us. It wasn't simply lust that I had seen in Bella's eyes that day, it had been a certain measure of caring. Dare I hope it could be love? Did I love Bella? That wasn't something I could answer not, not until we had fully explored our relationship. But did I believe I could grow to love her? Absolutely.

I tapped my fingers against my knee, cursing Emmett for all I was worth. He was completely ruining my plans. I'd told Bella to wait for me, because I had something to talk to her about. The longer this took, the more it delayed my asking Bella, most like begging Bella, to give us a chance.

We had to stop by my dorm beforehand, to change into the costumes Alice had gotten us. I still had no idea what mine was, nor did I really care. Well, besides the fact that it had better not be anything stupid. I didn't want to tell Bella what I thought about her, while wearing a ridiculous costume. I guess I cared more than I thought I did. Throwing open the dorm door, I went in, hoping against all odds that Bella had come home for some reason. She wasn't there. Controlling my ridiculous disappointment, I grabbed the bad Jasper held out for me and went into my room.

Only to emerge moments later. "Fuck no." I held the outfit away from me in distaste.

It was a white puffy shirt, with some sort of black leotard. But the contraption he'd pulled out last had decided it for him. It was a freaking codpiece. He was not wearing a goddamned codpiece. Especially one encrusted with fake rubies.

Jasper laughed his ass off when he saw the codpiece I was holding gingerly away from me. "You have to wear it. Alice will kill you if you don't."

"What is yours?" He held up what looked like some sort of pirate outfit. No codpiece. "Trade me."

"Fuck no," he said with a laugh. "Alice would skin us both alive, if I agreed. And I am NOT wearing that." He was trying to stop laughing as he gestured to the offending item in my hands.

I bared my teeth at him. "I'm not wearing it."

Jasper puled out his phone and offered it to me. "Tell your sister that."

Scowling, I grabbed the phone, pressing speed dial 1. Alice picked up instantly. "Baby," she cooed. "Where are you?

"I'm not your baby. And we're at my dorm."

"Oh, Edward. How long until you'll be ready."

"An hour or two, but that's not what I wanted to..."

She cut him off. "An hour or two? The party will be started by then!"

"I don't give a damn. Buying another costume will take time, too."

"What?" She shrieked in my ear. "None of you are buying another costume. You all have costumes I picked out for you!"

"I'm not fucking wearing it, Alice."

"Do not swear at me, Edward Anthony Cullen!"

"You bought me a goddamned codpiece." And I am not going to be wearing a codpiece when I convince Bella to give us a shot.

"It goes with your costume," was her defense.

"Of what? A gay stripper?"

She snorted. "You're going to be dressed as Romeo."

"I don't remember Shakespeare ever mentioning a codpiece in his play. In fact, I'm sure he didn't."

I could practically hear her scowling at me. "Wear the costume, Edward."

"No," I replied stubbornly.

"Edward! Do you want a chance with Bella or not?"

I froze. "What?"

She sighed. "Edward. I've seen the way you two look at each other."

I didn't bother denying it, because if everything went as planned, Bella and I would be announcing our relationship to everyone. "What does my wearing this damn thing," I glared at the codpiece, "have to do with anything?"

"Because Bella is dressed as Juliet, you fool!"

I paused. "Damn you, Alice."

"Is that any way to talk to your amazing sister who is setting you up with a gorgeous, intelligent girl? Who I wholeheartedly think should be with you."

"Shit. Do I have to wear the codpiece?"

"Yes," she stressed. "The outfit doesn't look right without it."

I cursed again, before hanging up. Throwing Jasper the phone, I glared at him, before snatching up the outfit and stalking into my room. With a sense of childish annoyance, I slammed the door.

I emerged a few minutes later, trying to situate the stupid codpiece. Emmett burst into laughter. I glared at him, giving my crouch one more adjustment before taking in his outfit. I grinned, forgetting my own outfit for a minuted. He was dressed as a vampire. Fake teeth, cape and everything.

"Oo ook ike ah iieot." I raised an eyebrow at him, until his shoulders fell. "Ell, oh oo I"

I snorted. "Why don't you take the teeth out until we leave?"

"Ooo" he shook his head, "at ill uin i eperence." I snorted.

Jasper emerged from the bathroom. I raised my eyebrow again, looking at myself, Emmett, and then back at Jasper. "Why do you get the best costume?" Not that it was saying much, both Emmett and myself looked ridiculous.

"Because Alice loves me."

"Whatever, let's get this over with." This was going to be a miserable experience.

* * *

While thinking that optimistic thought, I had forgotten to factor in that we were three grown men, wearing ridiculous costumes. Many houses outright refused to give candy to a pouting Emmett, one went so far as to threaten to call the cops. Shortly after this incident, I'd attempted to help a small girl pick up the candy she had dropped. Her mother had rushed over, grabbed the child and fled, leaving the scattered candy to a cackling Emmett.

When Emmett finally had a full bag, due to Jasper and I chucking all of our candy into his bag, we returned to the car, ready for Alice's party, even if we were already late. I tapped my fingers against my leg, wishing Jasper would drive faster. I wanted to talk to Bella, while I still had the balls. Yes, dating was going to change our friendship. We would have to take a chance that we might break up, but we would also have the chance that we would be irrevocably happy together. I believed that we would be happy together. Especially without my having to sit around watching Jacob put moves on her. If she was mine, I could beat the shit out of the fucker. I smiled.

We finally pulled in front of the apartment, a bunch of cars already outside of it. I yanked open the door and went inside, not waiting for Jasper or Emmett. "Hey, Alice. You look nice. Where's Bella?"

She half-gestured to the living room, before her eyes went wide and her hand stopped. I spun, brushing past guests in an assortment of costumes.

"Wait, Edward! Don't..." She tried to grab my shoulder, but it was too late. I'd already reached the entryway into the living room and frozen.

Here I was, ready to tell Bella that I wanted to give us a chance.

But she was already with someone. With him.

She couldn't even wait for me, I thought bitterly.

**I already finished the next chapter. I'm super excited for it! I may be inclined to accept some bribes in the form of reviews to update early. ;) **


	31. Chapter Twenty Nine

**Woah, when I ask for bribes you all sure do deliver. XD I was going to wait until Friday to update, but you certainly convinced me to update tonight.**

**And wasn't expecting all of the flame throwing at Alice, cut her some slack okay?**

Chapter Twenty-Nine

A.K.A. Halloween: Part 3

BPOV

I gulped. Edward was just standing there, his eyes on fire. I stopped dancing, and just stared at him, trying to convey everything I felt with my eyes. It obviously didn't work, because seconds later, he turned around and walked stiffly out of the room. By then, Jake had noticed something was wrong. He turned around in time to see Edward leave. He stared at my face for a moment before softly saying "I see."

I jerked my gaze to his face. He looked hurt, a resigned acceptance shown bitterly on his face. "Jake, I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "I knew it. I've known it since I first saw you with him. I just hoped..." With a shake of his head and a small smile, he gave me a quick hug. "Go get him."

"Thank you, Jake." I turned to leave, but stopped. "I'm sorry." He waved.

I spun and ran after Edward.

EPOV

"Shit, shit, shit." I walked quickly out of the room, losing myself in the flow of people. She was with him, she was dancing with him. The look in her eyes when she stopped dancing... the regret in her eyes as she saw me. She really liked him, she felt sorry for me. I was too late. After slamming into too many people, I tried to concentrate on where I was going, only to find Alice right in front of me. I quickly turned, avoiding her, and rushed outside. I almost ran into Emmett and Rosalie who were making out in front of the door.

"Woah, Edward," Emmett said when he pulled away from his girlfriend, having obviously taken his teeth out, "where are you going? We just got here." I brushed him off and got into my car. I needed to go somewhere, anywhere, to try and cope with this new situation. I hadn't imagined she felt like that for him. I didn't know how to process it. I just needed to get away.

Alice POV

I gestured to Edward, letting him know where Bella was, anxious to have the two of them together once and for all. But then I remembered seeing Bella lead Jacob onto the dance floor with a resigned look on her face. I assumed she was planning on telling him all she wanted was friendship, something I thought she should have done a long time ago. But it wouldn't look like that from the outside, it wouldn't look like that to Edward. "Wait! Edward... Don't!"

I was too late. He stood, frozen under the archway. I tried to politely push by people to make my way towards him. My matchmaking was not going to waste! But again, I was too late. He spun around, shoving by people, turning away once he noticed me. But not before I saw the look on his face. He looked devastated. "No, no, NO!" This was not going to be ruined by a misunderstanding. I knew that if this didn't happen tonight, both Bella and Edward were going to lose the nerve to tell each other how they felt. And they might never get up the nerve again. I had to fix this. Determined, I made my way back to Bella.

Emmett POV

_I wonder if Edward left his car unlocked. _Rosalie was soft and warm against me. I crushed her closer, my hand closing around our forgotten vampire teeth. About to pull back and make my proposition to Rosalie, I heard the door slam open. Edward was standing there, his face almost blank, but his eyes miserable. He had his keys in hand and was obviously planning to leave. "Woah, Edward. Where are you going? We just got here." He didn't answer, just shoved by me.

"What the hell?" Rosalie said. I stared after him. I'd been best friends with Edward for years and I had never seen him look like that, so completely crushed. Giving Rosalie a quick kiss and telling her to stay put, I went inside to find Alice. She would know what was going on.

Jasper POV

Bella ran smack into me, a frantic look on her face. "What's wrong?"

"Edward, where is he?" Her words were scrambled together, her eyes wide. "Where is he? " She repeated it more forcefully, her hands on my shoulders, as if she was going to shake me.

"Edward?" I hadn't seen Edward since he'd jumped out of the car. I shook my head. "I haven't seen him. Bella, what's wrong?" She looked as if she might cry.

"I have to find him. If he wasn't such an idiot, we wouldn't be having this problem. But no!" She flung her hands wide, smacking some kid in the chest, but not seeming to notice. "He has to be a dick and instead of letting me explain, he leaves! Now he's going to hate me, and it won't even be my fault!" I had no idea what she was talking about. But I realized I needed to calm her down and bring her to Alice.

"He won't hate you, Bella. Come on, let's go find Alice. She'll be able to sort it out, and I'm sure she knows where Edward went." I gently led her to the kitchen, the last place I'd seen Alice. "I'm sure you're overreacting."

In the future, I really needed to remember that you don't tell girls that they're overreacting. It makes them overreact even more.

"I am NOT overreacting. Your stupid best friend is the one who is overreacting. Now let me go, I have to find him." She jerked out of my grip and fled before I could grab her again. What in the hell was going on? Confused, I went searching for Alice. I loved the girl, but if there was chaos, it was probably her doing.

Rosalie POV

After Edward ran out and Emmett ran inside, I was left sitting outside. Scowling, I bit my fingernails staring in the direction Edward had went. I knew that everyone thought I was a heartless bitch, and after what I did to Bella, I didn't blame them. But I really wanted to make whatever was wrong with Edward right. Debating whether to see if Edward had already left, or to follow Emmett inside, I hesitated. Only to barely avoid being smacked with a door. "Bella?" She looked annoyed and upset.

"Rosalie, have you seen Edward?"

"Yeah, he went that way." I pointed to the cars. She let out a short frustrated cry, before dropping her body onto the steps and cradling her head in her hands. "Bella?" I sat down next to her. "What happened?"

"Edward. I came here, ready to throw myself at him." She sniffed, wiping her eyes. Turning herself towards me, she gestured to her chest. "I even let Alice stuff me into this." I had trouble to not laugh, even given the seriousness of the situation. Alice had overdone it with the glitter. I bet all of the guys inside were wiping drool of their chins.

"Aww, sweetie." I hugged her, unable to help myself. "You don't need to dress up like that to get Edward to notice you. He's crazy about you already."

"Then why did he leave?" Her voice was cracked.

"Because," I raked a hand through my hair, struggling how to explain Edward's idiocy, "that's how he's always been. If he thinks his leaving will be better for you, then he'll leave. Despite what he wants."

"How do I know what he really wants then?"

I looked at her. "Bella, seriously. Come on. He was ready to murder me by going through Emmett when he heard what I'd done. Not that I blame him," I added, "But he was also furious with himself. Didn't you look at him? He couldn't believe that he'd thought it was true, even in the beginning. He was almost as ashamed as I was."

She looked at me, and I wanted, desperately, to apologize again. But I knew that it wouldn't change anything. "I don't hate you." My heart fell with relief. What I had done to Bella was despicable, and I would do anything to change it. She didn't hate me, and that fact alone made her a far better person than I was.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did."

She shook her head. "Your best friend betrayed you and lied to you. That's not your fault." I gave a small laugh. Could anyone be this selfless?

"Bella, I deliberately spread lies about you. Regarding what I thought, I deliberately made up shit about you and told as many people as possibly, just to get back at you." Despite how much I wanted her forgiveness, I couldn't let myself off the hook so easily.

She gave me a small smile. "Okay, so it was a little bitchy, but I'll forgive you eventually. Especially if you tell me what to do about Edward." She sighed. "I want to storm over to our dorm, call him an inconsiderate asshole for jumping to conclusions, ONCE AGAIN, and then kiss the shit out of him. But he might not have even went to our dorm. I don't know where he is."

Edward, I said mentally, you are a fuckhead. "Call him. Or better yet, I'll call him, find out where he is, and send you to him."

She looked at me, hesitantly, hopefully. "Do you think he'll answer?"

You damn well better answer, Edward Anthony Cullen.

Jacob POV

I dropped my pretense of a smile as Bella rushed after Edward. It shouldn't have been so upsetting, it wasn't as if I was surprised. I knew she would go to him eventually, it was only a matter of when. My idiot self had hoped she might give me a chance, until he decided to man up. Shaking the cloudiness out of my head, I wandered off the floor. Only to run into Edward.

"Where is she?"

There was only one person he could be talking about. "She went after you."

He cursed, attracting attention to us. "Look, I know you two are friends. And I also know you want to be more. But it's not going to happen, okay? She's mine and you're not..."

I cut in, "I know. Jesus, Edward, I know."

"and I... wait, what?" He look flustered.

I snorted. "I know it already. Now why don't you go let Bella know?"

I hated it. Hated helping the enemy, as I'd begun to think of him. But Bella's happiness was at stake. If she wanted him... then I would have to deal with just being her friend.

He tilted his head, really studying me now. I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "I'm sorry. But she's everything."

I nodded. I understood more than he'd ever realize.

EPOV

Halfway through my flight, I'd realized that if I kept giving up, I would never win. So I'd gone back into the house through the back door, confronted Jacob, only to be told Bella had run after me. Brushing by anyone who I didn't think would recognize Bella, I found Alice. "Edward!" She grabbed onto me, as though afraid I would rush off. "You need to listen. Bella is not interested in Jacob. He wasn't supposed to be invited to the party, because I was planning on setting you and Bella up, but someone must have brought him along and..."

"Alice, I know. Where is she?" She stood there. For the first time in twenty years, I witnessed my sister speechless. And for all of the times I'd wished Alice to be struck mute, this wasn't one of them. "Alice!" I grabbed her shoulders and lightly shook her. "Where is Bella?"

She shook her head, before pointing to the front door.

As I rushed past people, I heard her say, "When did he finally figure it out?"

I snorted, before shoving open the door. Bella was talking to someone, but I only had eyes for her.

Her eyes went wide as she saw me, and she opened her mouth to speak. I didn't let her. I kissed her, hard, demanding entrance. She gave it. I heard the door open as her companion went back inside, then I lost myself in the utter bliss of Bella.

* * *

Minutes later, I pulled back. "You're mine. Screw Jacob."

"Edward..."

I cut in. "He already agreed. I don't care if you're friends with him, but you're mine."

She scowled up at me, her mouth delectable. "If I didn't agree with you, I would kick your ass right now." I froze. She was agreeing. She smacked my chest, the blow stinging lightly. "You're such an idiot! What do you think I was telling him?" She smacked me again. "But noooo, you just had to overreact like a big jerk. And now you come here, thinking you can tell me what to do..." I cut her off with another kiss.

When she pulled back gasping for breath, I mock frowned at her. "Do you have a problem with being mine?"

She sighed and rested her head on my chest. "I've been yours. That's what I've been trying to tell you."

**And the census is? I'm actually really nervous to see what you guys think about this one. I almost didn't add the last section, I was going to include it in the next chapter. But here it is. The moment you've been waiting for. Did it live up to your expectations?**


	32. Chapter Thirty

**"If you don't update soon, I might have to have Alice go to your place and live with you with all her CDO-ness! If you noticed OCD was in alphabetical order for extra emphasis!" Shadowama, you made me smile.**

**And I know, I feel the the worst author in fanfiction history. :(**

**Have I mentioned how much I love you guys? Because, if I haven't, I really do. And I know my update is late, but one of my brothers and 3 of my cousins birthdays are back to back basically, not to mention my own, so there was a bunch of family stuff going on, work and doctors appointments in addition. I'm realllly sorry. Again. Lamest excuses ever, I know. But I'm back, a year older, and ready to roll. :)**

**Chapter Thirty**

"Not that I'm complaining," I mumbled from my seat on Edward's lap, "but how is this any different than when we were just friends?"

"Because now I can do this," he said, pressing light kisses against my neck. "and this," he added, pulling me into a long, drugging kiss, "whenever I want." He smiled at me.

I smiled happily back. It had only been two days since the party, and I was already loving being with Edward. We took every opportunity to kiss and indulged in it recklessly, we held hands under the table during Psychology class; to say it straight, we were one of those mushy couples that little kids hate. Not that I was into PDA. It made me blush when Edward would steal a kiss with people watching. But I still loved it.

It shouldn't have been surprising how quickly we'd fallen into casual intimacy, but it was. Hell, in my previous relationships, I'd been reluctant to kiss them after multiple dates. But Edward and I had already kissed more than once, even before officially dating. I was comfortable with him.

"Mmm," I snuggled closer. "We'll have to watch this movie again."

"Why's that?" He mumbled from my hair.

"Because I haven't paid any attention to it since we started it."

He pulled back and grinned wickedly at me. "Distracted, are you?"

I snapped my teeth at him. "Yes." I paused. "By Channing Tatum's abs. I mean, look at those." I pointed to the TV screen.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. My girlfriend thinks she's so funny.

I beamed at that. "Your girlfriend. I like how it sounds."

He looked straight into my eyes, serious. "I do, too. A lot."

I leaned up and placed a quick peck on his lips. "I like how that sounds, too." I said with a grin.

He laughed and began to place loud, smacking kisses all over my face. "I like it, too," he said in between kisses.

"Edward," I giggled, "that tickles. Stop." I weakly pushed at his chest.

He pulled back with a grin. "Who distracted you?"

"Hmm," I pretended to deliberate. "It might have been Channing Tatum or..." He didn't let me finish. This time it was his fingers tickling my sides. "Or my amazing boyfriend!" I said between laughing breaths.

My words stopped him and he kissed me once on the lips. "That's what I thought."

I poked his chest. "You're so bad."

He wiggled his eyebrows at me. "And you like it."

To put it simply, I couldn't have described what happened in the movie to save my life.

* * *

"I changed my mind," Emmett said from his position on the couch.

I looked up, startled out of my gaze at Edward and I's interlocked fingers. "About what?"

"You two," he gestured towards us. "You should break up."

My eyes went wide. What? Had he decided that he liked his friend better when he wasn't with me? I glanced at Edward who stared at Emmett with narrow eyes. "And why is that, Emmett?" He asked, his voice dangerous.

"So I can have Bella and she can stare at me in adoration." He grinned widely, and I blushed. Rosalie hit him.

"Don't be an ass."

"See," he pointed at Rosalie. "This is what I have to deal with, while you sit there with Miss Bella looking at you with doe eyes."

I blushed even hard and Rosalie smiled at me. I smiled back. We were on better grounds now. While I hadn't forgiven her completely, we were on a friendly basis. I'd gone shopping with her and Alice the other day and had really warmed up to her. Underneath it all, she was a really good person. Someone I liked, and could imagine myself becoming friends with in the future. Plus, she would be great to have on my side if someone pissed me off.

Edward laughed and wrapped an arm around me. "She's all mine. No touching."

"Damn straight," Alice piped up from her seat on Jasper's lap. "After everything I went through to get you two together, you're not allowed to break up."

Edward scoffed. "You're joking, right? Your interference almost screwed everything up." I felt his embrace tighten for a moment. I looked into his eyes and saw everything I felt. Caring, compassion, the lingering fear that it almost hadn't happened. If either one of us had reacted even slightly different, we might not have ended up together. Shaking off my fear, I smiled up at him. It had turned out all right. We were together, and we were happy. That was all that mattered.

Alice was sputtering in protest. "That is not true. Without me, you would have remained an ignorant fool, who was too scared to make a move."

"Right," Edward said rolling his eyes. "You almost made me into that. If you had left it alone, we would have gotten together just fine." I smiled up at Edward had glanced down at me after his comment. I'd never noticed how amazingly long his eyelashes were. It was so unfair. Guys always got the long eyelashes, while girls like me are left with these stubs. Alice and Emmett continued the argument behind us as I stared at Edward's eyes. "What is it, baby?" he asked softly, rubbing his thumb over my lips.

I shook my head, the corners of my lips twitching. He totally did not want to know about my plan to steal his eyelashes. "Let's go home and watch a movie." I whispered softly, shooting a glance at Alice to make sure she didn't overhear me.

She did.

"No way! You guys are going with us to the club. Since none of us have classes, we'll be able to weather hang overs tomorrow."

I groaned, throwing Edward a pleading look.

He did try, I'll give him that. "Alice, we're tired."

Emmett burst into laughter. "Tired, tired as bunny rabbits."

I apparently wasn't functioning on all cylinders. It took me a while to get the joke. But when I did... I threw the pillow next to me at him. "Shut up, Emmett." Edward glared at him, but nothing phased Emmett.

Alice cut in, "You're going, and that's final."

"But Rose promised me that we could..." he stopped when Rosalie smacked him over the head. "Err... read. Tonight. We were going to read. Books. To the homeless."

Alice glared at him. Rosalie smacked him again. "Worst lie ever."

"It's true!" He insisted, determined to make this lie go through.

I glanced at Edward, while the others were arguing, and whispered conspiratorially, "Do we have to listen to her?"

Edward glanced at her before looking back at me, " I vote no."

"Agreed. So what's the plan?"

He thought it through for a moment, before leaning down to whisper in my ear.

**Survey says? **


	33. Chapter Thirty One

**Sparks of Anger and Lust officially has a banner. Link is on my profile. Let me know what you think of it. **

Chapter Thirty-One

EPOV

It had to work. Mostly because I couldn't take Alice much longer. Bella and I's relationship was fresh and new, I wanted to spend time with her. Later down the road, I would want to spend time with my friends, with her of course. But for now, I just wanted to be alone with Bella. Alice didn't understand that, being such a social insane person, or simply didn't care. Either way, my plan needed to work, because I desperately wanted to spend more time with Bella.

I could hear them through the partially closed door. "Tonight is going to be awesome!" Alice.

Bella. "Err, yeah."

Alice again. "I can't wait. This is going to be so fun! I'm glad you guys agreed to go." Yeah, like we were willing.

"Uhm yeah. It'll be great" Bella. Shit, she was starting to sound guilty. I didn't want her to give into Alice's urgings. I needed something new to fight this newest occurrence.

I got off of the couch and knocked on the door.

"Yes?" Alice said.

"It's me. Can I talk to Bella for a sec?"

Alice gave me a suspicious look. "Fine, but she needs to get ready, so don't take long."

Bella glanced up at me, and her face read guilt. I'd gotten here just in time. Grabbing her hand, I pulled her out of the room and into the guest room.

"Bella," I said softly.

"I know, I know." She looked up at me, her face stricken. "But Edward, she really wants us to go. I mean...we can't ditch her. She's one of my best friends. One of your best friends, too."

I sighed, "Bella, I've known her for longer than you. If you give into her every time she wants to do something, she'll steamroll over you all of the time. You have to stand up to her, before this becomes a habit." She bit her lip. "Hey," I smiled gently at her. "Don't do that, you might hurt yourself." I leaned forward and gently bit her lip for her, pulling at it, before kissing her.

She moaned and pulled back. "Good point."

I laughed, resting my forehead against hers. "I convinced myself, that's for damn sure."

"Fine." She scowled. "Let's do this." She put up a fist. I looked at it, confused. What did she want me to do? She looked at me expectantly. I hesitantly put up my fist. She bumped it, before turning and walking away. I burst into laughter, she spun around and winked before sashaying out.

Shaking my head, marveling how I'd gotten her, I walked back out to Jasper and Emmett.

"So what's your plan?" Emmett asked as soon as I walked into the room.

I jumped. "What?"

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "It's obvious that you don't want to go, so what's your plan for getting out of it?"

I glanced at Jasper, who looked amused. "No plan," I said casually.

Even Jasper rolled his eyes this time. "I'm not going to tattle on you to my girlfriend," he said with a grin.

I shrugged. They both laughed. "You're such a pussy," Emmett snickered.

If I got Bella to myself, I could live with Emmett for another hour.

BPOV

"I've got the perfect dress for you. It will blow Edward's mind." I would have to remind her about the dress the next time we actually went out. I swallowed guiltily. I would make it up to Alice, I promised myself. I would submit to letting her do my makeup and hair, let her shove me into whatever outfit she wanted, but tonight... tonight I just wanted Edward.

I took a deep breath. It was time. "Shit, Alice, have you seen my bag?"

She frowned, lowering the dress she was holding and glanced around. "Not in here, maybe you left it in the living room?"

"Maybe," I pretended to hesitate. "I don't remember it being in there. I don't actually remember bringing it."

"Well, let's check."

We went into the living room to "look" for my purse. I determinately avoided Edward's gaze, as well as Jasper's and Emmett's whose both contained a knowing look.

"Have any of you seen Bella's purse?"

"No, I haven't." Jasper said.

"Nor I," Emmett grinned at me and winked.

"Did you leave it at the dorm, Bells?" Edward asked me, appearing concerned.

I bit my lip. "I must have, shit."

Alice frowned, obviously annoyed. "Well, you'll have to live without it."

"It has my ID in it," I pointed out. "I can't go to the clubs without my ID."

She scowled at the air. "We can stop by your dorm on the way to the club."

Edward interceded, "That's out of the way, Alice. Why don't I just run Bella over there now, so that she can grab it?"

Alice's eyes narrowed. "She needs to get ready. Go get it yourself."

Edward snorted. "Because I know what bag she uses. And even though I'm her boyfriend, I doubt she wants me pawing through her room."

I raised my eyebrow at him, and he glared at me. "Gahh! Fine. Bella and Edward, go. Be back quickly. Jasper, Emmett, go get dressed." She pointed at the door. "Move!"

I threw a glance at Edward, only too happy to comply with Alice's wish for us to leave. He grinned, grabbed my hand and together we left the apartment.

No point of view

Twenty minutes later, "Alice, love, they're not coming back."

She glared daggers at him. "I know."

EPOV

Back at the dorm, I ushered Bella in and locked the door. Then I spun her around, pressed her against the door, and kissed her. "It worked," I said with a grin, once I was able to breath again.

She giggled, "I know. I can't believe it did. I know that I should feel guilty, but I really, realllly don't."

"You don't have anything to feel guilty about," I assured her. "Just tell Alice that it was my evil plan, and I coerced you into it."

Her eyes sparkled and she leaned forward, pressing butterfly kisses against my neck. "Mmmm, of course, I am completely unwilling in this scenario." I smiled, loving the feeling of her lips brushing gently on my skin. "There was nothing I could do, but break under your pressure to abandon them. It really is all your fault." Her kisses became more forceful, her tongue danced on my skin. "You really deserved to be punished for corrupting me," she whispered seductively. And then, without warning, she sunk her teeth into the nerve on my neck. Every muscle in my body tensed and I arched to her, with a groan.

"Shit, Bells," I swore, forcing my body to unclench. She let out a sexy laugh and soothed the abused area with her lapping tongue.

I moaned, and pushed myself off of her, from where I was crushing her against the door. Her eyes shone as she looked up at me, a playful smile tweaking the corners of her lips. "What?" she asked innocently.

I mocked glared at her. "And you expect them to believe that_ I'm_ the bad one?"

She stuck her tongue out at me, then grabbed my hand and pulled me to the couch. Flopping down and dragging me with her, she rested her head on my chest. "What should we do?"

I sighed, stroking her hair, content to just sit here with her. "I dunno."

We sat in silence for a while, before Bella let out a small laugh. "What?" I asked her, pressing a kiss to her hair.

"We, two college kids, skipped going clubbing with our friends to sit in silence doing nothing. What's wrong with us?" she grinned, looking up at me.

"Well," I pretended to think about it. "Maybe we're the ones that are completely sane. Maybe what we should be asking is what's wrong with them."

She snorted. "Yeah, you and me... we're the sane ones. I'm fucked up in the head and you're..."

"I'm what?" I teased her before becoming serious. "You're not fucked up in the head, Bells."

She snorted again, louder this time. "Right, Edward."

"Bells, you are NOT fucked up in the head. You have headaches, but they're getting better, right?"

She sighed, "Yes, but that's only because of you."

"Don't, Bella. Don't put yourself down like that. If you weren't focused on getting better, you wouldn't be able to."

"Edward," she looked at me, "I spent years by myself without being able to get better. But the instant you come into my life, I start getting better. You can't try to play that as coincidence."

"I didn't instantly make anything better, Bella. I made things a hell of a lot worse at first."

She looked guilty. "In a way, but you still helped."

I pulled away, what was she talking about? "What do you mean? Bella, I yelled at you repeatedly, slammed things around, accused you of everything under the sun. You can't tell me that I helped you."

"But you did," she said softly, cupping my face. "You played every night." Huh? She must have seen the look on my face. "You played piano every night. It... soothed me, I guess." I must have looked shocked. She blushed. "I know, it's stupid. But keeps my headaches away."

"It's not stupid," I whispered, brushing a kiss against her lips. "You should have told me."

She blushed even more deeply. "I didn't want you to think I was stupid."

I sighed, kissing her gently. "I could never think you were stupid. You're intelligent and beautiful and witty and mine." She laughed, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"I'm glad that you think so. Even if I think you're crazy."

"Crazy for you," I said with a grin, before pulling her into another kiss.

**It was unanimous that everyone wanted E&B to ditch Alice and the others, so I hope it lived up to your imaginations.**

**On an off note, to bring up the question that I've been asked frequently: 'Is Bella's problem with math based off anything factual in your life?' Paraphrased. The answer is no. I love math, AP Calc and college math in high school all the way. I just thought I'd clear that up, since people seemed interested. **


	34. Chapter Thirty Two

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

**BPOV**

I groaned and opened my gritty eyes. Only to squeeze them tightly shut again. Oh my god. Why was I naked and sticky? Why am I practically humping Edward's leg? What exactly did I do last night? It all came flooding back.

_**Yesterday**_

Alice barged into the door, causing me to yelp and jump from Edward's lap. He frowned at her. "You can't just barge into people's dorms, Alice."

"Then you should have kept your door locked. But anyways, you are not getting out of it this time." She turned her glare to me. "I know it was Edward's idea, but I can't believe that you went along with it. I thought we were friends." I bit my lip. Feeling terrible, I tried to figure out what to say, but Edward stopped me.

"Save the guilt trip for someone who buys it, Alice. What do you want?" The pitiful look fell off her face.

"We're all going out tonight, and that's final. No excuses or tricks or getting out of it." She stood in front of us with her hands on her hips. When Edward started to shake his head, she turned her eyes to me. "Bella, please. I just want to spend time with my friend and brother." She cut through my defenses like a hot knife through butter.

I sighed and turned to Edward. "No, Bella. You don't have to do this."

I nodded, and he grit his teeth. "We did bail on them, Edward."

Alice piped up from beside us, "You did." He glared at her. I pulled his attention back to me.

"Come on. It will be..." I had to work at not grimacing, "fun."

"Yeah, right," he muttered.

"Please, Edward."

He sighed. "If you really want to." Was it the please, I wondered? I would have to figure that out later. Something that made Edward agree to things he didn't want to do. That might come in handy down the road.

"Where are we going?" I asked Alice.

"To this cool club that Jasper and I found. It's called La Push."

Suddenly nervous, I bit my lip. "Alice, I promise that we won't bail again. But can I talk to Edward for a minute?"

She looked at me suspiciously, before nodding and skipping out of the room. Edward looked at me, concerned. "What is it?"

"We're going to a club. Where there will inevitably be drinking and Alice will expect me to join in." I worried my teeth on my lip. We'd had this discussion before. It had ended with me promising Edward that I wasn't going to drink anymore. He evidently realized where I was going.

"It's not the same, Bella." He wrapped his arms around me. "Going out and having a few drinks with friends isn't the same as getting wasted every night at parties."

"I just..." I stopped, trying to gather my thoughts. "I don't want to become that anymore."

"You won't" he promised, holding me tighter. "I'll be here to help you. If I ever thought you were slipping back into it, I would tell you and do something about it."

"Promise?" I whispered.

"Promise," he replied back, kissing me gently.

There was a knock on the door before it opened again. "I dawdled as long as I could, but we need to start getting ready, Bella."

Edward glared at her. "Did you run?"Then he turned and smiled at me. "Good luck." He kissed me one more time before getting up and leaving me to Alice.

* * *

"No way, Alice." I looked at my front in the mirror before turning around. "You can see my bra." I looked closer. "And my panty line."

She came out of the bathroom. "That's why you don't wear a bra. And if you won't go panty-less, then wear a thong."

I gave her an are-you-kidding-me look. "I am not going without underwear."

She rolled her eyes, "It will be fine. Just take off the bra."

I fidgeted, waiting for her to go back into the other room. She rolled her eyes. "You don't have anything I haven't seen, Bella. I happen to have all the same parts as you, so it won't come as much of a shock."

Embarrassed, I yanked the bra off as quickly as I could and pulled the dress back up. Then I studied myself. "Why can't I wear something that allows me to be, I don't know, fully dressed?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "You look hot. Now go change your underwear."

I sulked to my dresser.

**2 Hours Later**

"No." Edward was firm.

"Edward, she's going." Alice glared at him. I stood in between them, my arms crossed over my chest; partly in annoyance and partly to shield my nipples from showing.

"Not wearing that. Damn it, Alice. You're not going wearing what you're wearing either."

Alice let out a noise of frustration. "We're big girls, Edward. We can take care of ourselves."

"No." Jasper was cracking up next to me. I shot him a glare and mouthed, _do something._

_ What am I supposed to do? _He mouthed back.

I shrugged helplessly.

Edward's arm was wrapped around my body, Alice's hand was gripping my elbow. When Alice tugged on my arm one more time, I'd had enough. "Okay! Stop it!"

Alice let go, but Edward pulled me so that I was facing him. "Edward. You are not my father."

His eyebrow raised. "I hope not, or else some of my thoughts are damn wrong."

I paused at that, a warm feeling spreading through my chest. He grinned at my obvious pause. "Regardless," I said, "I can wear what I want."

His face turned serious. "That would be great, if you actually wanted to wear this, instead of my sister forcing you to."

Alice sputtered and I sighed. "Think of it this way. We're with you and Jasper. Nothing can happen to us, you guys will take care of us."

He grit his teeth, looking at me. "You're completely determined to be seen in this dress, aren't you?"

I shrugged and smiled. "After everything it took to get into it, yeah. I might as well be seen in it."

He swore. "You are not leaving my side."

I smiled up at him. "I'm okay with that."

"Now that that is settled," Alice said as Edward glared at her, "Let's go!"

* * *

We made it to the club without much difficulty, besides the trouble I had getting into the car without flashing my thong. Edward was holding onto my hand tightly and glaring at every guy we passed who even glanced at me. I stopped when we reached the line and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Edward, promise me that you won't get jealous or mad at anyone."

He sighed and dropped his hands down to my waist. "Why would you think I would?"

I gave a small laugh. "Are you kidding? Come on, if looks could kill then all of the guys here would be dead."

He snorted. "They would deserve it. They keep staring at you. I want to rip their eyes out."

"Oh yeah," I teased. "You're the only one that gets to stare at me?"

He glowered at me. "I did not stare at you.  
"You drooled," I accused laughing.

"I did not!" he exclaimed affronted. Then he paused, "well, not noticeably. Can you blame me? Look at you!"

I grinned. "Why, thank you."

"Remember that when I rip that guy's head off," he growled and pulled me closer to him; his eyes glared at the man until he turned away.

"Nuh-uh," I turned his face back to me. "No head ripping. Whatsoever."

He brushed hair off my face. "I'll try to restrain myself." He started to say something else, but Alice interrupted him, to tell us that we were allowed in.

Once in the club, there wasn't any way to hold a conversation. The music was beating so loud that I was afraid the vibrations would make the dress fall off. "Let's go get some drinks," Alice yelled, gesturing over to the bar.

With Edward holding onto my hand, we squeezed our way through the crowd and to the bar. Alice got the attention of the bartender and ordered for everyone, while I struggled to remain attached to Edward. I finally managed to squeeze up against him and he wrapped his arms around me, to keep me from being pulled away by the crowd.

"This is ridiculous," he said into my ear. "Let's go sit down somewhere." Continuing to hold onto me, he leaned over and said something to Alice, but it was drowned out by the noise in the club. She nodded and Edward turned around, leading me to the tables. Almost every table was packed, but someone stood up just as we were walking by one, so we claimed it. After sitting down, Edward turned to me and grabbed my hands, holding them between us. His thumb rubbed over the palm, and it felt delicious. Who knew your hand could be an erogenous zone? But then again, with Edward, my entire body felt like an erogenous zone.

He smiled at me and my heart skipped a beat. I laughed. "What?" he shouted, leaning forward.

I shook my head and just smiled at him. I felt like such a girly girl around him. Heart skipping beats and stomach aflutter. Soon I would be fanning my face and swooning. I sighed and closed my eyes. Some song by Rihanna was playing. Something about whips and chains. Seriously? When I was a kid, it was "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." But apparently that had changed to "sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me." What was wrong with society? It was cool to sing about sadism and masochism now? I shook my head and opened my eyes.

Edward was looking at me curiously. I was about to mention it to him, when Alice appeared with Jasper. I shrugged. "What is this?" I asked her.

She handed it to me. "Just drink it," she shouted over the music. "It's good."

I cautiously took a sip. It tasted...fruity. Shrugging, I drank some more. Edward glanced at me before tasting his. He made an odd face, shrugged, and downed the rest. I laughed and followed suit. Alice shoved another one at me, gesturing me to own it. Shrugging, I did.

* * *

A few drinks in, I pulled Edward onto the dance floor. He laughed and followed my tugging on his hand. The DJ put on a slow song, and I burrowed my way into his arms. He was warm and smelled delicious. Resting my cheek on his chest, I tightened my arms around his neck. "Mmm," I said into his ear, "I like this."

I felt his lips touch my head. "Me, too"

He was so sexy, I thought. I just wanted to bite him. I giggled and was going to share my thought with Edward, when someone shoved me.

I spun, rather unsteadily, around. A girl dressed even more revealingly than I was, stood behind me. "Oops," she said. "Sorry." She smiled falsely and fluttered her eyelashes at Edward. I scowled at her. "Dance with me?" she asked Edward, playing with the top of her dress, pulling it even father down. I continued to glare at her, Edward looked uncomfortable.

She didn't wait for him to answer, simply shoved me out of the way with her hip and wrapped herself around Edward. He stood, shocked, blinking at her. Then he looked at me, helplessly.

She. Did. Not. Just. Do. That. I stared a hole into her back, but she didn't even glance at me. Okay. I tried to cool myself down. She was just dancing with him. She saw what she wanted and went for it, I could get that. Edward was hot, all mine, but sexy as hell. I could let her have one dance before I... Her hands moved to Edward's ass.

Fuck. No. I yanked her away from him, almost stumbling as my head swam. "No touching." I said as clearly as I could.

She laughed, raking her gaze from my feet to head, giving me that "what are you going to do about it?" look, before reaching back to Edward. Edward was backing up, holding up his hands. I complied to her challenge. Reaching over, I grabbed a drink out of someone's hand. "Sorry, but I need this."

I looked at her. "I told you, don't touch." I threw the drink at her. She gasped, her mouth wide open, shocked. "Might want to closhe your mouth before flies buzzzz in there." I giggled. Edward burst out laughing. I smiled at her, but when I turned back to him, I swayed.

"You bitch!" She yelled, and I turned to face her again. I turned just in time to end up with a front covered in beer. .

Edward swore, and glared at the girl, who gave me a disgusted look before walking away. She'd thrown an entire mug at me. I lunged for her, but almost fell over

"Woahh," Edward said, grabbing me before I fell over. "I think you've had a little too much to drink, Bells."

"Nuh-uhhh." I said, poking him in the chest. Then I looked at my hands. I had three of them. Squinting, I said, "Maybe. But that bitch just..." He pressed a kiss against my lips.

"Shh." I frowned at him.

He snorted and wrapped his arms around me. "Let's head home, sweetheart." He pulled me out of the club, hailed a cab, and helped me into it.

* * *

"I'm all sticky," I commented, standing in the middle of my room.

"I hadn't noticed," Edward said wryly as he hunted through my dresser for something for me to wear. The sticky fabric started to itch, so I decided to take it off. Kicking it into the corner of the room, I sprawled across my bed with a groan. Edward turned around at the sound, a t-shirt and a pair of shorts in his hand. He gaped at me.

"What did you do with your clothes?" He sounded shocked and panicky. What was his problem? I, for one, felt much better without the smelly, sticky fabric on. I still had the thong on, but it didn't bother me much. Maybe that's what it is, I guessed. He'd carried me to the dorm, because the floor had started spinning, so some of the beer must have gotten on his clothes. That's what was wrong. Well, I could only think of one way to fix it.

I stood up, and walked towards him. He backed up, holding up his hands to fend me off. "What are you doing, Bella?" Ignoring his actions and question, I reached him and started tugging his shirt out of his pants. "What the hell?" he pushed my hands away. I frowned, and looked at him. Why was he being so difficult? He would feel much better after he got out of the uncomfortable clothes. I tugged at the buttons on his shirt, but got distracted by his chest.

I gasped in surprise as my hand encountered rock hard muscle. Humming my approval, I rubbed my hand on it. Edward grabbed my hands. "Stop it," he scolded. I scowled at him. He gently but firmly pushed me back onto the bed. Ooo, that was better. My boyfriend has good ideas, I realized. The bed was much more comfortable for this. I yanked him down on top of me.

He let out a surprised yell as I pulled him off balanced, and he fell onto the bed.

"Oomph," I let out as he landed mostly on top of me, but was quickly distracted by the delicious body I now had access to. I ran my hands along everything I could touch. But when I pressed up for a kiss, he yanked his face away.

"Mmmm, Edward." I arched towards him, searching for his lips that continued to elude me. Well, fine. If he wouldn't kiss me, then... I lowered my hand until oh MY. My drunken addled brain quit even minor functions as Edward let out a noise that resembled a dying animal and removed my hand from his crotch.

We stayed still for a moment; his hand gripping my wrist above my head, his body held over mine, and his eyes closed with a look of pleasured agony on his face. "Damn it, Bella." he groaned, before letting go of my wrist and pushing himself off the other side of the bed. I whimpered at the loss of heat. "Edwardddddd," I whined. "Pluuuh-eeese."

He swore, raking a hand over his face. I giggled. He glared at me, "What?"

"You're sexy. That girl was eye fucking you. But she knows that you're mine, now." A burst of laughter escaped him.

"Jesus." He looked down at me, and I wiggled, cold and naked on the covers. He swallowed and looked away. "You are never getting drunk again." He glanced back, before jerking his eyes away again. "You need some clothes."

"Nuh-uh. I like being mostly naked." I smiled and rubbed my body against the covers, feeling free. "I'm never wearing real clothes again!" I grinned broadly up at him, but he refused to look at me. My elation faded. Why wouldn't he look at me? Was he not attracted to me? Tears pooled in my eyes and I quickly tried to sniff them back.

"Bells? What's the matter? Why are you crying, baby?" He was beside me in an instant, but he pulled a blanket over me before sitting down. It made me cry harder.

"Whhyy won't you look at me?" I blubbered.

His hand gripped my chin and pulled my face towards his. His head swam in my line of sight. "I am looking at you, sweetie. See my eyes? They're looking right at you."

"At my face!" I accused.

He looked at me, baffled. "Am I not supposed to look at your face?"

"I am practically NAKED!" I shouted at him, hurt.

"Trust me," his voice sounded hoarse, "I am well aware how close to being naked you are, Bella."

I stared at him, with my mouth open. "Then WHY are you not LOOKING at ME?"

He let out a hopeless sound and scrubbed his hands over his face. "Let me get this straight. You _want _me to sleazily stare at your naked body when you are wasted? And if I don't, you're going to be hurt and continue to cry. "

I continued to stare at him. This was pretty simple, why couldn't he understand it? "Duh!"

"Isabella Marie Swan, listen to me very carefully. Every aspect of you is breath taking. But I _will not _take advantage of you when you are drunk. If you ever feel like doing this when you are stone cold sober, I promise that I will stare to your hearts content. But **not **when you aren't thinking clearly. I care about you too much for that." I started crying again. He choked out a helpless noise. "Bella, sweetie, you are killing me. You are beautiful, I am absolutely enthralled by you. I adore you. Surely the fact that I refuse to take advantage of you isn't that upsetting? Please stop crying. Sweetie," he begged, pressing kisses against my face.

"I'm not crying out of sadness. That was sooo beautiful, Edward." I sobbed into his shirt. "I adore you, too!"

He buried his face against my neck and burst into helpless laughter. "You are insane, Bells." He pressed a kiss to my forehead, and tucked the blanket around me. "Now get to sleep. We'll see how you feel in the morning."

"Waiiiiittt!" I yelled, flailing my arms in the air. He stopped and looked back at me expectantly. "Stay." I demanded and lifted the covers to let him in. He jerked them back down.

"God damn it, Isabella. Stop flashing me. You are driving me absolutely nuts!" He sounded very put out. I laughed and patted the bed beside me, on top of the covers this time. "Stay!"

He looked indecisive so I grabbed the covers, threateningly. "Damn it," he muttered, sitting on he bed with me. "Only my girlfriend could blackmail me into doing something by threatening to show me her naked body. I am such a pansy." I giggled and snuggled into his arms. The instant I closed my eyes, I fell promptly asleep.

_**Today**_

"Oh my god." I whispered, horrified. I lifted my petrified eyes to the sleeping form of Edward, who I was wrapped around like a cat. "I am never drinking again," I vowed to myself.

"I'm glad we agree on something," he muttered, his eyes closed. I gulped.

**Some people have said that they were going to slowly, but some have said that they don't want them to go any faster. So I hope this was a reasonable middle ground.**


End file.
